Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[dueb]

flying?at one point in my life i was flying so much and always with the same company and always through the same countries that the flight attendance would give me glasses of cognac with out asking.

anyway over the weekend a friend from the country side came over for two night,so i did drink more than two glasses Saturday and Sunday,but tonight im back to two glasses,i do feel much better,i don't have problems sleeping or bad nightmares.

yes i do crave a bit in the late afternoon but i don't get angry or upset,i don't sweat or shake.and most of all i don't get violent,i think im doing very good,and i do feel much more active and healthier.

i recon even if i do smoke about 10 cigarettes less now that iv reduced my drinking,the hardest thing will be quitting smoking.

its very nice to have you people to talk to about all this,your understanding and experience is great.

tony

[Kazzl]

Hiya Tony, good to see you again. You're doing well! Good on you. I think the key thing is you are conscious of your intake and you're working hard to control it. It's the control thing that's so important. I had got to the stage where my off switch was broken and I had no control, so for me it was all or nothing.

As for smoking, hmmmm, I totally understand. It's something I haven't conquered yet ... it's on my list of Things I Must Do ... one day. 😀

Keep up the great work mate and enjoy feeling healthier. Even nearly six years on I still love the feeling of waking up without a hangover (and remember the difference).

Cheers

Kaz

[ringoringo83]

Hey all,

Im here to hopefully seek advice and support. I have decided to quit alcohol after another drunken episode at home. I woke up after a big night and decided to start drinking straight away. This has happened before. I have been trying to cut down my alcohol use. I didn't drink at all last week, then drunk stupidly on the weekend. I caused great pain and embarrassment to my family. I know the road is going to be a tough one but I don't think I have any other options. I can be a great fun drunk, but other times I can be aggressive, destroy things, drunk drive, be verbally abusive . I hate that side of me so much. Im also so scared to give up drinking. It is such a huge part of my life. I plan to see a GP tomorrow to discuss my options involving my mental health, I have joined today to hopefully get support from those who have been through recovery and are now living without alcohol. Thanks.

[Kazzl]

Hi ringoringo83 - a big welcome to the forum and to this thread!

I really relate to everything you said - I was much the same six years ago. It's a very hard decision to make, but for me at least getting sober is both the hardest and best thing I've ever done. You have so much to gain from it - your health, your relationships, your self-esteem! And you can do it.

I understand the fear too - at first it's hard to imagine life without alcohol. It's such a big part of our culture and social life. And you might find you have to make some changes there, at least for a while. I had to stop going places where alcohol was involved, and avoid people who drank. But even that improves with time and I can now manage to be around drinkers.

I remember too that for a while I wondered what the hell people did with their evenings if they didn't drink. Nights seemed very long ... but after a while, as I started to enjoy other things, I found there were not enough hours in the day for everything I wanted to do (and could do because I wasn't passed out drunk).

Guess I'm saying it's a whole new wonderful world on the other side of the bottle. Go for it! You will never regret it.

Make sure you're honest and open with your doc - we do tend to downplay the amount we're drinking when we have to talk about it. Be brave.

I hope you'll stay with us here. You are at the start of a tough road, and the first week is the worst. Keep posting - we're here to walk beside you.

Kaz

[geoff]

hello Ringoringo, how many times have we said to ourselves as well as to other people 'I'm giving up the grog', but when our drinking time comes along or perhaps a bit eariler, it's back into it, so this rountine goes on and on so it's rather pointless to say that you will stop, because you know that won't happen, don't tease yourself, if you need to drink then that's your decision, but by going through this rountine only means that you are building up guilt.
By acting in two different ways when you are intoxicated is a worry, because how do you know whether you are going to be the fun kid or the aggressive one, you don't know, so a celebration that everyone has been looking forward to, could be ruined, and that's not what you ever intended.
To stop the alcohol is a massive decision, because what do you do when 'drinking times'arrives, you sweat, have a dry mouth, get anxious, and probably a bit irritable and cold temptered, but swallow a whole glass of tonic water,this will fill your belly and then have something to eat.
It's not easy to give up the grog and you will be doing great for awhile, but then break out and start once again, do not worry about this it's a step by step procedure, and if you have decided to give up then your doctor can prescribe medication which will take away any urge to drink, so if you google these last few words then it will tell you the name of the medication, as we aren't allowed to mention medication names. Geoff.

[ringoringo83]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply guys.

Day 3 sober has been met with a lot of different emotions. I have made contact with many different agencies and what not but my emotional state is still one of shock and shame I guess.

This has been years in the making now I think about it. I also realise there are depression issues at play, Im off work at the moment, I have been given the ultimatum from my wife to basically quit or it is over. My wife has stood by and watched many of these episodes unfold and i don't blame her at all. We have a baby girl now and the pain i feel when i think about what the alcohol can do to me, how it can control me, it scares the hell out of me.

I have started a blog and been reading many other blogs, people who have turned the corner into life long sobriety. This will be the toughest thing I ever attempt. I sure will try my best though.

[Kazzl]

Hi again ringoringo - just wondering how you are.

Geoff has described well the difficulties in making the decision to quit 'stick'. But no matter how difficult, it is possible, so don't lose heart, just be well prepared.

Geoff also talks about the struggle when 'drinking time' comes around. I experienced that a lot in the early days and found constant distraction was the best thing. You know when you're going to start craving so plan to do something else that will distract you - even go to the cinema or somewhere where booze isn't available and eat lollies. Take a long bath, go for a walk (without your wallet so you can't detour via the bottle shop), EAT whatever you want including sweet things (alcohol is full of sugar) and occupy your mind, mouth and body (gym helped me). The thing is to break that routine of coming home and opening a bottle.

Have a good read through this thread, there are some other tips on getting through the cravings - urge surfing, the 10 minute rule etc.

Very best to you and I hope you come back to us.

Kaz

[geoff]

hello Ringoringo, I know what your wife has told you 'to quit or it is over', I can't remember how times my wife said that to me before she left me and when she had gone, numerous times, I can't remember, the problem was that she didn't understand how much I was struggling and didn't want to know. Geoff.

[Kazzl]

Hi ringoringo - your last post came in after mine. Reading it has reminded me of something important. When I was getting sober I belonged to a forum for people struggling with alcohol. Over the four years I was on it I saw many successes, many slip-but-try-agains, and some who just never made it.

It often struck me that the difference was in their motivation - and here's the important thing - those who succeeded were generally doing it for themselves. Not because someone else wanted them too, or because they felt they were forced into it (health reasons etc).

Of course getting sober will help things with your marriage and make you a better dad. BUT, do it for you first and foremost. Otherwise, we can set ourselves up for disappointment if our partners or families or friends don't react with the love and support we might want from them because we've stopped.

Our partners don't understand how hard it is, they can't unless they've been there too. And their reaction might be harsh - 'well it's about bloody time!' instead of 'well done, I love you'.

Things like that can make us reach for what on the forum we used to call the f--k it button, and we undo a lot of hard work in an angry binge (yep, done that). Those who were doing it for themselves at least had their own renewed self-esteem to cling to when the f--k it button popped up (and that, thankfully).

I hope this is making sense - it is an important distinction. Do it for you, because you know you're better than this and you know you have a better life ahead of you without booze.

Very best wishes

Kaz

[dueb]

hi all,hi ringoringo83

i'm not completely there yet,but i'v made a start.i'v reduced my drinking,i'v got a wife but no kids,and two pet cats.

i'm doing it for my self,kazzl is spot on,i'm not so good at reading but the previous post here are great.

i got a wife and two pet cats?actually i got a wife a cat and since January a kitten,the kitten was a question mark.the kitten is no longer a question mark,we don't give up on each other.no matter what.if we got problems or bad thought we talk we communicate and except each other,in good times and hard times.Basicly we don't give each other ultimatums.

tony