Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[Kazzl]

Thank you Geoff xx

Sending a big 'hiya' to Pepper&Charlie - how are you going? I'll keep an eye out for you in case you want to chat ... Wishing you every strength - and remember distract, distract, distract!

Kaz

xx

[NewMe]

Hello everyone,

I found this site yesterday and spent a few hours looking thro post, finding Battling the Booze gave me much relief and hope, that I could get some support for the changes I need to make.

Just thinking of how I was going to describe my situation has opened my eyes to whats really going on. So I'm here to help myself go thro the changes and hopefully after time be able to support others.

I'm a Mum of 2, aged 13 and 10 and a Husband which has had to deal with more than a Husband should. Yesterday was the day,, my Husband called to say he'd had enough and had found himself somewhere to live. He has never threatened to leave before and this hit me hard. On top of the problems I have, losing my husband and hurting my kids,, well its not going to happen and I'm choosing them over alcohol.

I was diagnosed with anxiety a bit over 2 yrs ago, when I all of a sudden went from being a very confident out going person, to not being able to drive and staying in bed a lot. I was medicated for 10 months and had weekly counselling for a few months. I learnt enough to realise I had had anxiety since becoming a Mum, the same amount of time I'd been self medicating to relax with alcohol. I made changes in my life and learnt to slow down, take time for me and stop worrying about everything that may happen within the coming month.

But I did not stop drinking. I have been too afraid of myself, my thoughts, will I end up finding out I have depression also?? Now I'm ready to take it on, as none of that could be as bad as losing my family.

I find myself peaked out by 4pm, when the days stresses have caused my brain to be in race mode and the only thing that makes it stop is a drink, but Its never 1 drink, its 2 bottles of wine. I went to 1 AA meeting and it wasn't for me, and they only meet up once a week in my town.

I think this forum will be a great tool to visit throughout the day to give me strength, but if anyone has other tips to helping calm the brain I would very much appreciate it, as I refuse to use alcohol any more.

I will also contact Mental Health in my town, I know they have someone there who deals with alcohol problems, is there other avenues I could look into on this site??

Thank in advance for everyone who wishes to offer me support and advice, as these thinks cant be done alone.

Thank you xxx

[Kazzl]

NewMe welcome, welcome, welcome to the forum and to this thread. You have made a very hard decision, and it is not going to be an easy path. But as a recovering alcoholic, now five years sober, I want to tell you first that you CAN do it and second that it's a decision you will never regret.

Like you I self-medicated for a long time. I didn't know that's what I was doing, at first I just wanted a drink at the end of the day to relax. Then it became several drinks to block out what I was feeling, then it became a couple of bottles a night. Read back through this thread and you'll see a lot about my experiences.

So, I know and understand where you're at hun. And I have such respect and admiration for you for deciding to take back control. Be aware though that you must do this for you, first and foremost. Your family might be the impetus for starting the sober journey but staying on it comes down to you valuing yourself enough to do what's right for you. A very dear person to me, who's also over five years sober, talks about creating the conditions in which good things can happen. Being sober in itself will not solve all our problems. But it can and does create the conditions in which we can take control and take care of our problems, with a clear head and a hopeful heart.

So, if you plan to start straight away, here's a bit about what to expect over the next few days. The first day might not be so bad because you'll feel 'up' about doing something good for yourself. This might carry through to day 2. By day 3 it will be getting tough. Depending on how much you are used to drinking, your body might start screaming at you, and it might continue for a few days. By the weekend you might be really fighting not to have 'just one'. I remember that well, but my 'just one' inevitably turned into 'just two bottles'. Be determined.

Distraction is everything during the early stages. Keep very busy. And make sure you don't have easy access to alcohol (I removed it all from the house, put my PJs on as soon as I got home in the evening, went to bed anytime the cravings got really hard, that sort of thing - you have to really pay attention to how you're feeling.)

Please feel free to post here if you're struggling. I'll keep an eye out for you, and there are others on the site who have been through this too. We're here to hold your hand through it.

Well done NewMe, I look forward to talking with you more.

Kaz

[Moonstruck]

Welcome New Me - I am certainly offering you as much support as you wish but can't really match the great advice from Kaz - I've been where you are so I don't know how "valuable" my advice would be anyway.....I can only say what happened to me...I never dreamed in a million years I could give up...what?? Throw away my friend in the fridge, my consolation in the cupboard? You've gotta be kidding!!!

What would I do without them when the going got tough in real life?.....yes, it was self-medicating all the way, anaethestise my emotional pain.........I wish to hell I could go back and undo the damage and embarrassment I must have caused my kids....I am still trying to make amends for that!

I didn't believe the professionals when they said the alcohol would eventually make my anxiety and pain worse!! Didn't believe them....I hope and pray you don;t have to go through the near-death experiences I did...due to the damage years of grog had done to my body - it wasn't pretty, it wasn't dramatic, it wasn't heroic....it was ugly.

I'm just over 3 years without alcohol now......and strangely enough....my terrible anxieties, worries, depression and overwhelming emotions of not being able to cope with life seem to be better without it! Fancy that! Maybe the Drs were right after all, and the grog was making things appear much blacker than they really were!

AA was not really "for me" either (although I admire greatly the work they do) but it was good to be among others who understood and I had something in common with. (I must drop in again one night and say Hi)

there was a 24 hour phone support line for Drug and Alcohol Counselling I found very good...they are probably in your phone book too. (I remember once I had people coming over for lunch and I hadn't been in that situation without a few drinks to help me along while I prepared.....so I rang them to give me encouragement that Yes I could do this without a drink......none in the house anyway)

Sorry to talk all about myself here NewMe........but just wanted you to know you are not alone and there are others including the beautiful Kaz who will be of greater help than I......Congratulations on your honesty and I see a beautiful person there- time for her to shine!! all the very best......Moon S

[EllieHock]

Hi Kazz,

This is really a great post and reading through has finally given me some comfort to what I have been dealing with over the last year. I am a 28 year old woman who has dealt with depression, anxiety and general life problems since I was about 20. I have always been the type of girl who people will call up for a night out or a party. The past year I have found myself self-loathing after a these big nights out. Drinking and the occasional recreational drug taking has made me try to start turning my life around.. So far with no luck. I have been attempting over a period of time to stop drinking, not go out as much, only have one or two drinks or drive to occasions but seem to fall back into the trap about 3-4 weeks after a good stint of time out. I forget how bad it makes me feel and I get caught up in having a good time and trying to make friends and please everyone else that I just forget about what I have told myself and I end up on another big night out.
The feeling of guilt and disappointment I get in myself it debilitating. Every time I slip up I'm out trying to figure out what else I can do to finally try and stay away from the drinking but none have really seemed to stick. I try doing more exercise, or finding new activities but I still don't feel like they are making a change. Just biding time really?
I don't crave alcohol or ever really feel like I need a drink. I tihnk its just a state of mind I get into once I have a few that sends everything I have worked for flying out the window.
Id love to know if anyone had any great tips or anything they'd like to share to help me out. I am open to trying anything to make my life a better one! 😃

[Kazzl]

Hi EllieHock, so lovely to meet you! Don't despair hun, it often takes several attempts, sometimes many attempts before it sticks. I tried many times to stop before I did it. Whilever you are still trying you are making progress. It's only when we give up trying that we've handed control back to the booze.

It's very hard to stay sober when others are drinking around you, but if you can manage it once you can manage it more often.

There's a couple of things you can try. First, limit the times you go out and try very hard not to go out on a whim or without thinking it through. Tell your friends you need some time at home and won't be going out this weekend, this week. And find something to really distract yourself during that time. Give yourself a goal or a target to meet.

Then when you do go out, plan for it. Psych yourself up before you go, practise saying no thanks and smiling. If it's a party, take plenty of non-alcoholic drinks with you. Eat a big meal before you go, and eat while you're there so you stay full. If it's a pub or club or restaurant order something non-alcoholic as soon as you get there and tell your friends you are not drinking tonight (for medical reasons or somesuch). Offer to be the designated driver. Plan something for the following morning that you really want to do - a treat. Book an early hair appointment or a facial or something - give yourself a new reason to want to get up without a hangover and go somewhere.

You don't have to tell everyone you've stopped drinking, just say you're not drinking tonight. And, if it helps, tell yourself the same. There's a good reason for the 'one day at a time' approach - it is so much easier to think just about today than to think about forever.

You're doing well by exercising and looking for new activities - keep that up hun. Sounds like you're a 'pleaser' who puts others and what they want to do first. Time to focus on you and your needs for a while. It really is something you have to commit to and really pay attention to if it's going to work.

You can do it - treat it as a health challenge (hey, once you've been off the booze a while your eyes will be brighter, skin clearer and a better colour, your hair will be shinier and you'll sleep better ... true! There's some really nice side benefits!)

Very best wishes

Kaz

[geoff]

dear Kazz, NewMe, Moonstruck and EllieHock, well Kazz has mention so much in her reply it's hard for to add to it, but perhaps if I could say that everyone is different why they drink , their circumstances and diffent ways of how to stop, but as I keep saying this is a great post.
Wow where do I start after Kazz, for anybody to make the decision to stop drinking is an enormous one because it's so accepted in our society, we grow up with parents and their friends drinking alcohol, laughing making jokes but after awhile it could turn nasty when one of them drinks far too much, and then embarrasses their partner so the party can turn soul.
We do use alcohol as a way to relax, but then there's a big difference between relaxing than a need to relax and that's what people with anxiety and depression use it for, but it goes one step too far because it starts to affect their family and possibly their work and definitely being able to drive, then we realise that we have a big problem that we need to overcome.
An alcoholic can't have just one drink, that's virtually impossible, they need to keep drinking, and the greatest fear is what am I going to fall back on to to get you through.
There have been some excellent suggestions by all, but it's what you find is the easiest way, for me when I abstained and the time I normally started to drink, and let's say it's 3pm, I would have a big lemonade fizzy drink and something to eat, that would fill my stomach so that I didn't feel like a drink and going to AA wasn't what I needed, I didn't like it's format.
There were times when I welcomed people coming to visit us because it meant that I could drink without any problems, but that wasn't solving my problem.
With NM your husband would have been quietly suffering in another way, where you had your alcohol to fall back on, but your husband had nothing and just wanted to get away from all of what was happening, he may not have shown any indication in the later stages that he wanted you to stop, so his easiest way out was to leave.
Kazz says ' Being sober in itself will not solve all our problems' and how true she is.
I will have to continue on another page. Geoff. x

[EllieHock]

Thanks Kaz!! And Also Geoff. It's so great to hear different techniques from people that have lived through this. It always seems like other people have done it so easy compared to what I have found so far.

I am definitely going to try those few tips! I will check in with how I am going so hopefully next check in I am on my way to my goal 😃

[Kazzl]

Hi Ellie - it's not easy hun. Getting sober was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it is possible and I'm cheering you on from the sideline! I'm here most nights if you need a buddy.

Best wishes and positive thoughts to you

Kaz

[geoff]

dear Ellie, I wanted to reply back to you after my last comment, but as usual I got caught up, so I'm very sorry.
When you try and stop drinking or you really want to or feel the need that you have to, and between these 3 there's not much difference it's how you look at your situation and the detemination you have, that's more important than anything else.
A good test is to walk past a bottle shop or somewhere where alcohol is being sold at the times when you normally have a drink, if you can go past without the temptation of going in then that's a good start, because this is always going to happen which you can't avoid.
Remember one drink leads onto another and then another until you have wiped yourself off, OK you might feel happy when you are, but the next morning you will be so disappointed in yourself, so the cycle goes around in circles and say that it won't happen again, it's like 'calling wolf' if you know what that means, but lets say a boy calls wolf to his friends and they come running towards him to help him, but there isn't any wolf and the boy delights himself in getting this attention, and when he keeps on calling wolf eventually no body will come and help him, but this time is when he does need their help, because the wolf is actually approaching him, so the strange analogue is that you keep saying that you are going to give up, but never do and disappoint those around you as well as yourself.
You can stay at home and not drink, but the real test is when you go out, because you can't stay at home forever, so just be honest with your friends, tell them, even though there will be jokes etc, but if you stick to your plans that's a good step forward.
You're not there yet so please get back to us as Kazz and myself have been through this. Geoff. x