I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.
your not worthless Dotti. not to me and not to anyone else here. your a mum, your kids wouldnt know what to do with themsleves if you werent there. you mean the world to them even if it doesnt feel like it
sending lots of hugs, you dont have to reply. its ok and i understand
Such a draining day today. My son decided he wasnted to see his gpa( my dad) I had to take him. Dress up out makeup and make up a story with my son that all is goi g well in our lives. Come home with headache started drinking and exhausted. I just want people to accept me for me. I get depressed anxious. I get suicidal. I am divorced. My kids been in legal problems etc etc. I hate I have no one from my family who wants to support but just gossip and criticise. I feel like a biggest loser liar and low life
Your words are lovely. If you only knew how erratic my thoughts are. Nothing even makes sense to me anymore. I survive on self medication and Sh. Whatever works in the end.
Dotti i have a pretty good idea. a very good idea infact. becasue like you i SH, i have suicidal thoughts and attempts, i hear 'voices' my moods scare the crap out of me half the time and alot of the time i feel out of control and this is coming from someone who is generally composed. i look composed and ive had panic attacks where ive dissociated and then come back and no one has even noticed.
its quite scary really, but ive suppressed myself that much that i dont show much now
