Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Katy, Hanna and everyone....🤗..

Thank you all for your caring and kind posts...

Geez...In time I hope she settles down and starts to feel better...until then I will be as invisible as I can...She try’s to still control her sons..I know from previous talks with her..and doesn’t like it when dil tells him to do things...anyway it’s nothing to do with me...Just the anger, yelling, swearing, name calling got me so down...They should have kept in inside her house...and talked respectively to each other....

I wish I could harden up a bit..and not feel so many emotions when things like that happen...Geez I should be used to all that crap by now...maybe I never will be..idk..

That incident happened last year....

This year I’ve started it off by trying to calm my unhealthy thoughts.....which are not so bad now..

I promised myself that this year is a year for growth..in learning as much as I can about C-PTSD..and put any knowledge I gain into my self care and support for community members...

I am sorry I haven’t wished anyone a Happy New Year...I wish you all the very best that life can give you all....2021 sounds quiet nice.,.the 21st century has come of age..2021..

Deebi...heaps of love and care back to you dearest bbff..💚🐻🤗🦋....odsd...always in my 🙏..and 💭...

My love, care and hugs everyone...💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤝👂👀🌈🕊🌱..

ps...Deebi....Thank you..I will give word search a try..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to Deebi, Paws,everyone)

I'd be shaky after that too! Where I used to live, when I moved there (it was units) the elderly ladies who had lived there before me thought they could bully me and they used to yell and scream at me every time I went out my door - I used to be a shaking wreck afterwards. I can imagine how it must have upset you.

As you said, it's a shame people behave like that in public - it should be private.

You have had a run of things happening to you dear Grandy! Be gentle on yourself you have done so well...

Little Sam and I have been playing a game of hide the treat - I hide bits of Schamko around the house and he has to sniff them out - he has a big happy grin on his face, he thinks it's so exciting!

Hugs, very soft fluffy ones from little Sam to you oxoxoxoo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

People arguing.. raised voices.. that makes me unsettled as well. Don't be hard on yourself for finding it upsetting.

I think it's wonderful that you are having some success with calming your unhealthy thoughts... plus your determination to learn more this year & use that to help yourself shows how you are getting stronger. Yay you!!

I do draw up plans for my gardens... but I find it hard to settle on something... it's oddly sloping with steep bits... I need plants that will cope with heavy clay that becomes concrete in summer... plus cope with a Great Dane... & the wind here roars up the valley so I need to find spots I can plant things like fruit trees out of the wind. I do have some ideas for the front yard... but I need to get the fencing chaps who did my back fence to come out & fix the front & side fences... plus get my builder to finish the front verandah before I can start out the front. Yes I probably am guilty of looking for reasons to not do something... I need to borrow some of your determination to try things.

Lass are you still managing to sit out on your verandah... I know how much it means to you... I hope your not avoiding it because you want to avoid Mrs nsc...

Woofa sends you snuggles & of course there is a big gentle hug from me.

Paws

[demonblaster]

Lovely bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi other lovelies as well 👋

It's so good hearing how you're handling situations Grandy love. I know it pulled you right down with such very hard painful memories which makes it so messy to pull back up but you do darl each time. Your strengths building more lovey. Well done.
For sure it does take work but it's worth it if it means more growth in a positive way which ultimately will mean or should give some mental peace.

You're learning so much.
Love hearing about how you're going to take on c-ptsd and teach people. Awesome Grandy. I'll be first in line to learn.
Good on you dear friend. I've always loved how you give it your all to get on top. You're definately making ground darl. Hopefully you can see that too 🤗

Good thought Pawsy about ? You not doing veranda time because of Mrs nsc.
You were so good to her esp when it was so hard on you. Sounds awful being amongst that.

Good thing they're not so often there because of the arguments. It's a shame isn't it.
Hope you're feeling ok now Grandz or at least not as low.

Back at you dear lady for every good wish and success in 21. Loven that the 21st has come of age. Well put 😊 No matter how hard we need to hold onto hope. It's our rope.

Grandz loven you having some cherry yums oh aren't they beautiful and was it little widdle chillis too. Soz memory blank. Hope they go well anyway.

Ok my gorgeous your strick instructions from your Aunty Deebi are to pubAok always lovely. YAdimh lysvm. Always need and love you dear friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🙌🗯🔥 Take the best of care honey please 🤗 and all you other beautifuls too 💗

Nigh nite gorgeous 🤗🤝🌞

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,what a wonderful friend you were to her and it must have been awful. ,but you did it.

no wonder you felt not so great after.

and your sons getting hold of you.

You have not whinged at all. Just told a story of what happened.

I am really proud of you

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess and everyone

Thank you for your kind caring posts...

I’m giving sitting outside on my veranda a miss for a while. I will eventually get back outside, I’m okay with being inside..while she is home...Mrs.NSC went out a few hours today, and I managed a nice sit on my veranda...I know before she turns the corner into our street..because my fur girls start barking at the gate.😂..They are my Mrs. NSC neighbours alarm. 🚨

Not doing much, just keeping my home clean...and my dogs clean with plenty of protesting off them course...I forgot i put a bath on for them...and flooded my bathroom, which then made a river into my kitchen and then heading down into my dining room...Geez..at the least my floors are clean now😂..if you think that’s bad it was but not the worse...I went to get a few things in town yesterday..travelled 26 Kilometres before I realised I left my purse at home...had to go back home and then back into town...just made it with fuel....I hope this isn’t an indication of what 2021 is going to be like...When I go down..I do a good job of loosing my capability to think right..

My support worker rang and wanted to visit today..No way..I asked her not today please...then she reminded me about VS counselling tomorrow....I asked her if she can ring my Counsellor and postpone it...She messaged back that it’s in another 2 weeks...Time enough I hope to get myself ready..I hope....

Other then all that..I’m doing okay..my floors are clean, my dogs are clean and I’m now relaxing..bed in a couple of hours..tomorrow is a new day...Oh oh I got to pick my first little cherry tomato today..maybe I should stick a little candle in the middle of it..then blow out the candle and make a nice wish😁..

Hoping everyone’s having good days..sending my love, hugs and care to you all..💜🦋🤗..

Much sss love to you dearest Deebi...pubaok..yadimh always with good 💭.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦋🌈

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Just a quick message, lovely to see you and sounds like you've been busy around the house... lucky you made it OK with the car/petrol..

I am off to bed rather early but wanted to say hello... I thought we'd have a big storm here this evening but it fizzled out...

Anyway I wanted to say hello! I'm watching a great movie on SBS movies then off to bed. Little Sam sends fluffiest hugs your way xoxoxo

[monkey_magic]

Oh dear,

That all could have been tragic for some but I love that you have a sense of humour about the things that don't quite go to plan.

That is a lot of driving that you did Grandy.

Just for future reference I've often gone into the bank with no wallet and have been able to withdraw money at the teller. I've memorised my bsb, account, net bank client number and password. But I think they really only need you to verify your last withdrawal, how much is in the account and they ask for your signature.

Driving without a license could be a problem though.

Oh well I'm glad you didn't run out of petrol and everything worked out even though having to drive all the way back home sounds like a hassle.

👏Claps for how well you did.
💗Hope U sleep well tonight

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all going as well as can be.

[demonblaster]

Hiya gorgeous's 👩‍❤️‍👩

You're adorable Grandy love how you get stuck into housework like that 😂 and how's the multitasking 🤣

Oh no it's easy done forgetting the purse. Yes completely understand the mind not in gear (pun 😁) when we're yuk. Sorry lovey it all struck a chord and bought out the sass.

Loven as well what Magic 🐒 hiya hun, been reading, be at yours near future ... said about you laughing about it. Makes it easier doesn't it.

Good girl sneaking out to the veranda. Cool the furs being nsc alarms 😊

Sending a mass of love and appreciation for a beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 who I adore. lysvm yAdimh and PubAok sweetyheart.

Nigh nite darlin hope you have a peaceful sleep 😴 with beautiful coloured butterflies 🦋 and fairies 👼 looking after you. Deendys 🐉 keeping a watch over you too precious SSS. Oh the furs are all snuggled in too. Aren't they gorgeous.

Everyone I hope you all have a good sleep too 🤗

[demonblaster]

Sweetyheart Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Hi Grandy love I just popped in and threw the kettle on my love. Our dwinkies will be ready in mere seconds 🍸🍷

How are you going Grandy. I know the other day took you down hard then on top being around Mrs nsc being so angry and upset added to it all
.
Ah darlin it's so hard isn't it. I know you don't need reminding it's just so sad knowing you're by yourself, let alone through these horribles.

So I bought some things. I'll just do a GPS search through our bag 💼...oh no ...Uh Oh...slippinnn...yikes 😲...forgot the parachute...arrrrrrrr....oh thank goods the trampolines still there....boing....as you'd see there's still a serious bounce in her...weee...up up and...oh struth...crunch.... 🚀....ouch 🤕...who put that ceiling there...oops 😶... when I dislodge myself I'll just grab my builders belt ....only be a tic...ah there tis 🛠🤺✂️ ...🤔 hymm where did I stick that superglue 🍫...oh good that'll do...never mind maybe a bandaid... just need to patch that whopping great hole in the roof...you wouldn't consider a sky light would you precious?

So now that I've finished my renos I'll show you the goodies I bought for our visit.

⚘ A gorgeous fragrant, one stemmed multi flower.
Only one of it's kind.
Touch the stem..imagine another flower and Presto there it is or you can have it automatically changing...you can even pick your colours

🦋... with every gentle movement of it's delicate wings the most beautiful sparkles scatter throughout the air creating an amazing peaceful feeling of serenity.

👀...To see how you are my bbff

🤗... to give you as many heart warming soul hugs as you need

☺... just because it's so good knowing you

👂...to listen.
I can see you need in your own time to talk

💜... a heart full of love

👩‍❤️‍👩...for my beautiful besty 😚

I hope todays a little easier beautiful lady.
Always love care and support.

You're such a beautiful friend.
Don't like you hurting darlinheart 🤗

🗯

🕊