Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

I think your psych was very wise, knowing you have the strength to walk away from a toxic situation.

I worked for a while for an organisation and put my usual heart and soul in it. Over time with new people the situation changed and it became a very unpleasant place to work.

It took me a very long time to realise I was helping them hurt me and left.

Maybe sunblock might help with the mowing? Plus doing it in stages, an aching hip is not good

Croix

Crioix

[demonblaster]

Hi there my beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

I'm glad you posted hun apart from always wondering how you're going I've been wanting to know with all this rot going on.

Dear friend it's incredibly good seeing you become so much stronger and backing yourself.
You truly are a survivor precious 👍

Hearing you say that you can see that he was in the wrong is so so good.

Yes it would have been hard. That's a win to you lovey not going in especially not giving him that power either.

If you were physically ill it'd take time to recover & regain full strength. Same goes with mh if not needing longer lovey this bought so much pain back! you poor love 🤗 oh yeh it's so easy to feel like going with thoughts. I'm SO pleased you're pulling back up.

It's the pits being there but yes we can get back up slowly.
I hope you can feel proud of yourself Grandz.
Thanks too for telling us you poor love.
Oh Grandz SO often I've been at the bottom and found as hell hard as it is it's often in those times we find that bit of strength... a lifeline to hold on to and ease back up.
I also found it helped a lot knowing we can get out of that darkness.
I'm sorry Grandy that this all took you so low.
They don't deserve you!

Ahh you poor love your body being so sore.
I know you've tried pillows. I saw at the post office cushions for between the legs/knees. Thought of you straight away. Approx $30/40 maybe cheaper on line.
Could a heat rub help do you think?

Just running a lovely hot bath with floating candles of any scent you desire and untold bubbles. Oh oh...if you very carefully... gently hold that sparkly Purple one.. that's the way ...now squeeze it ever so softly and slowly....😲...ohhh...look at that gorgeous....🎁...

Love you deeply dear Grandy darling 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯⚘✊👭swod.

Bbt at mine huns big day today ☺

Sleep well sweetyheart..oh..forgot to tell you...you can join a stack of bubbles together to make a gorgeous soft squishy pillow... the most beautiful flute tunes reach out guiding you into a glorious peaceful sleep slumber...in the background... magical sounds of the beautiful birdies sweetest voices create complete harmony...entering your soul with a warmth that relaxes your mind and body with a gentle wave of total relaxation washing away pain leaving a warm glow of comfort wrapping you in Golden dreams and eternal love 💗💜🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Just dropping by to say hello and hoping you are managing okay. Many people here care for you very much.

It is wonderful to achieve and complete jobs and tasks around the home and garden. I sometimes struggle to schedule in pleasant activities as well.

Hope you can find a balance Grandy.

Also hope you are receiving the help and support you need right now to help you through this upsetting time.

Thinking of you, cheers and virtual hugs from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Dools and all...🤗..

Thank you all for your very caring post...

I think I struck gold with this counsellor...she understand so much about ptsd and I really like her...

I didn’t realise how much I relied on my volunteer work to get me outside and into town for a day...I am regretting my decision to walk away from it....Then again I don’t want to see my boss anymore...

How powerful ptsd is that it plays with my mind...Always their hanging around to question myself...Gaining the strength to go against my normal actions of apologising to him to make him and me feel better about his actions are so hard...

I know I can do it, but I’m missing my Tuesday outs so much...missing talking to Betty, and the other 2 girls..They were my only conversation and mixing with people girls...

Anyway if one thing I’ve learnt over my life time..is once words are said they cannot be taken back or forgotten..and his words were both hurtful and unnecessary....Betty told me that last week he told a very long time worker to get out of the shop and back into the sorting area...She has been working their volunteer for over 30 years and very elderly....She accepted his words...When Betty told me I was so upset for her...That boss needs to go because obviously he has no respect for his workers....Not sure what’s happened to him..before COVID he was very friendly and spoke respectfully to everyone....

Anyway...What’s done is done...and I am doing okay with it all...just missing the other girls there...even though except for Betty, no one has and asked if I’m okay...

I had to go to the shops on Friday..I rang Betty to see if she needed anything..and she asked to come with me..after I got my item she wanted something to eat and asked me to take her to Macdonalds...We both had a yummy lunch inside the shop, then Betty got up and said she will be back in a minute..she then came back with a ice cream sundae for us both...Hmmm it was yummy..then I dropped her off at her home..It was a nice couple of hours...

Today is raining and cool..I’m doing some more decluttering....this time the things I don’t want are going into the bigger town on my next visit to my counsellor...

I hope you are all having a lovely day today with some light shining into your beautiful souls..

My kindest and most caring thoughts..with love and hugs💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy......bbff 💜...yadimh always with 💭...

[demonblaster]

Heya beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and to your many friends 👋

Dear love you're really doing so well. Good on you sweetyheart 🤗
It's so warming hearing you're coping better. Hard but worth the effort isn't it. You really are gaining more strength from what I'm seeing.

I was wondering if you're seeing much of Betty.
So glad you went together to the shops and yummo the Sundaes.
Nice you had that break out esp with such a good friend.

I know you're finding it hard hun. I really am sorry that it came to this.
Tbh darlin I hope you don't go back and apologise to him.
He downed and disrespected you lovey and that long time lady there too. Not on!
Yes I remember him being nice before.
Somethings going on with him but that doesn't at all give him the right to talk down to loyal good people darlin.
Just saying my thoughts. Hope you're ok with that.
You're standing by yourself which is so good.

Maybe later you might do something else huns. We don't know what's ahead.
I would think they'd be missing you too honey 💜

She certainly does sound good the ww lady.
Just hope she takes you walking.
It must be a great comfort her understanding PTSD you dear love so much to deal with. And that's exactly what you're doing.
I so want you to know peace and feel happiness.
You're incredible Grandy.

Sweety I've been wondering if a recliner could be an answer for your hip.
It helped my back no end.
I'm thinking you wouldn't be laying on it which could ease the pain.
Having the feet elevateds good.
They're usually not too expensive at op shops.

I really hope your physical healths holding up honeyheart. I think often of it.
PubAok dear Grandy you matter so much.

How lovely it being cooler such a nice feeling.

Good thoughts with what you'll do decluttering lovey. Good doing it too.

You too sweet soul I hope your days are good too.
Please take really good care of you lovely ☺
Love you so much Grandy.
Absolutely cherish our amazing strong friendship.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🕊🦋🌱🌞

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

It's so good to hear your VS counsellor is good at explaining things & that you find her easy to like, it makes such a difference. It does though beg the question: is your ww lady doing her job & visiting you... taking you for walks... or is she still being useless?

Your outing with Betty sounded lovely. She is sweet buying you a sundae.

Lass of course you are missing going into work... you have been going there for a long time... I hope you don't mind me saying... but I think you are right to not go back whilst that boss is still there... especially as he is still disrespecting staff.

Just a thought... do you think you might like to try volunteering doing something such as... listening to children read... or perhaps visiting a nursing home to give company to an elderly person who has no other visitors... I was trying to think of things that would be more one on one... rather than you having to deal with a lot of new people all at once... there's no rush to do something new... but I thought you might want to talk about finding something new to do with your counsellor... so you would have a reason to leave your house each week... you have such a lovely giving nature... I'm sure there are people out there who would appreciate you.

Lass I saw on Geoff's thread you were asking about cement sheeting... it is wood fibre glued into sheets or planks by mixing it with cement & sand... It makes a rigid board that is used for lots of things inside & out... It is laid on floor surfaces under tiling to give a level, solid layer to glue the tiles too... it helps give a professional finish... it also protects the original floor surface... & it makes lifting tiles easier if at a later date you want to... if you want to remove old sheeting be careful as most pre 1970s sheeting contained asbestos fibres not wood ones...

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to everyone)

We are heading into a prolonged heatwave in our area...I think you have aircon? We are in a fibro with no aircon, just a second hand portable one in the bedroom... little Sam is getting older and tired...

It's scary.

I think Paw's suggestion about one day trying to visit an older person who is lonely might be good - someone who really needs you and you could be good company for each other... it's something I've been thinking about too, but Covid has made it tricky..

Anyway I hope you are taking some time out to care for yourself, gosh we have a couple of hard weeks ahead with this dreadful heat. I wouldn't mind for myself, but I wish someone would take in little Sam and keep him cool but no such luck. Sending waves and soft hugs oxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Hanna...and all..🤗..

Thank you all for your very caring posts..

I’m okay with not working there anymore..a little sad because I was comfortable with the girls I worked with...Betty called in and told me that I have been replaced...So what’s done is done....and I’m okay with that..

I don’t think I could volunteer in the nursing home in the bigger town...I worked for a few months in another one..(closed for a couple of years now)..,I was constantly in trouble for talking to the residents their..I was the food delivery girl...all they wanted was some nice conversation...I wasn’t allowed because I just wasn’t...when a residents would pass away it broke my heart because I got to know them....I couldn’t put myself back into that position even in a volunteer role....

I haven’t seen or heard from WW supporter since she took me to my VS counselling more then 2 weeks ago...I cancelled my cardiologist appointment today..just not wanting or ready for stress test nor all the machines they hook me up to...Couldn’t face that today...it’s re appointed to February...

I have been keeping busy...and made two small gardens..one each side of my steps that lead to the back yard....on one side I have planted tomatoes and chillies..on the other side I planted some Geraniums... Most houses have geraniums because they are a snake repellent plant..umm so someone told me...

You’re right Hanna..we’re in for more then a week of heatwave conditions both day and night...Please try to keep yourself plenty hydrated...and little Sam..poor puppies feel the heat so much...I trimmed my fur babies fur..a couple of days ago..to keep them cooler...

I might look into a recliner Deebi..I never really have sat in one for more then a few minutes before...but I’m told they are comfortable...so will look around...

Not done much today, been to hot and I don’t like the heat at all...been searching the web to try to find something that could interest me....so far nothing..

big love dearest bbff..yadimh with my care and our golden thread...that hold us in friendship..💜🐻🤗🌹🕊🐉💚..

My love, care and hugs Paws, Hanna and all..💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

You're a real trooper dear Grandy 🤗 you're doing so well.

Darlin I felt so sad hearing they've replaced you but that doesn't mean you are replaceable if there's any sense in that.
I know you would have worked hard and were reliable.
You were good to continue there when you didnt have too.
You're honest kind and got on with everyone. You were comfortable with them so they'd see the Grandy we know and love.
They'll miss you too huns I'm sure of it. So glad you're getting through all of that.

It is hard when people you care for pass on.
I understand how you felt I too had many tears for the beautiful people. I don't see anything at all wrong with grieving for someone you cared about. Lovely you used to chat to the dear people.
I think something will come along for you when you're ready there's no hurry. Times good to breathe through it all.

That sounds unusual not seeing ww. Oh soz lovey I got mixed up with VC and WW. I'm so glad you have that VC she sounds really good. You deserve Grandz some good help. Been a long time coming. Awesome

Darlin I know so much is going on just please darl look after your beautiful heart 💜 I know February's not too far off and you'd I guess know how your hearts behaving poor love. PubAok huns.

Well good on you Grandy making the gardens. I hope that was therapeutic and certainly a good achievement too.
Interesting about Gardenias being a snake repellent.
Chillis release endorphines so that'd be good.
That's a good job done hun 😊

Yukko the heat aye. It sucks the energy and is so uncomfortably smothering.

Good I really hope a recliner can be good for you sweets. I love having my feet up always have.
Hope you can score a good one.

Ok my darling Grandy and feather/furs 🤗
Always love and thoughts beautiful friend.
You're a beautiful person and amazing bbff. Thank you dear lady for a beautiful friendship and your love 🤗. Always love you 🕊

Golden thread ☄...
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🐶🌱🌞🦋👭

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to Deebi & everyone,

Ummm.... Geraniums don't keep snakes away (my mowing chap found a tiger snake in mine)... actually no plants or smells do... the electronic snake repellents are pointless as well... that's according to Australian snake catchers who have debunked them... they say the best way to keep them away is to not have water around... keep the grass short... to not have things that attract mice, frogs etc... to not have places they can hide in/under (like sheets of corrugated iron)... I'll add don't leave doors open because my cousin recently had one wander in & hide under her dishwasher... she was not happy.

Yummm... homegrown chillies & tomatoes... you will definitely need someone to take on the roll of taste tester to ensure they taste good... I will generously offer to take on that difficult thankless task 😆... I'll just pop on a 🐉 whenever you give the word 😊

Do take it easy in the hot days that are coming

Big hugs

Paws