Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 always and to all y/our lovelies here 😊🖐

So good seeing you and as always really good reading what’s happening in your neck of the woods. Although some parts are a bit scary, hoping the Doc got it all with the chest I dearly hope that was ok for you. Yes many as you mentioned understandably don’t like needles but well worth that quick pain to avoid the more severe without them. Yet another challenge you’ve conquered. All the very best darlin for a positive result. Nothing good about it but incredible what these days they can do 

Oh how beautiful your son & lovely dil I often wonder how she’s getting on. Glad she was up to the big trip by the sounds hun. I’m guessing she’s doing reasonably well now. Hope so, she sounds so lovely.

 
I can imagine how exhausting emotionally that would have been. They’d be stoked seeing how happy and rapt you would’ve been. What a lovely kind thing to do for yes agree 100% for such a beautiful soul.

Yikes that’s not good stirring up your poor arm. Struth you’ve been/going through tremendous hard pain.  On recovery what a major relief for you. Yes a long wait but good hearing you’re moving up the list. Poor love. What a survivor you are 🤗 that’s very gentle and absorb the love 💜 attached. 

I realise now why I didn’t have notifications re you here but then again I have had for a couple of others I have email updates is thinking because I only just did the new info to post here. I read the other day here Pawsy hi darl 🤗 mentioning the washing machine konking out but hadn’t seen a post. Dunno maybe cause of that. 

Hopefully the weathers being kinder to you. I shudder thinking of what you’re up against blaghh. It’s easing here, I think for the first time in many yrs it’s sliding into Autumn quicker although still warmth it’s more bearable. Finally summers releasing its vengeance.

You have a bit going on atm. Hope the welfare meet goes well. I wonder and admire what you’re doing Grandy love. Kudos. You’ve come so far. Legend Grandy. 

ok better choof before the characters run out.

Major love endless thoughts & wishes for peace precious lady. 
look after yourself and that arm as much as you can dear girl. 

Everyone take good care and keep telling beasty whose boss!

😊💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💗🌈🦋🦄

[mmMekitty]

Hello Grandy & everyone

Hoppy LOng Weekeng - well, I certainly hope you are all having a relaxed time, peace & are enjoying yourselves.

I wonder, why iis it so difficult to accept when someone does something generously, selflessly, wonderful  for us?

I had a similar experience when the people I was working (as a volunteer) with on the ward of a public hospital had collected & given me around about $150 towards a new camera, after my old one broke. I was so emotional about it, too, Grandy, as if I couldn't understand what I'd done to deserve it, as if these people couldn't possibly care so much ... I couldn't get my mind around the fact that they did care, they wanted me to be able to enjoy taking photos, most of which they'd never see -  that didn't matter. They cared for me. They appreciated me.

I dare say, your son feels a great deal of positive emotion for you. Sounds to me like he loves you, has forgiven or thinks there isnothing you need to be forgiven for, appreciates all the effort you put in to protect & nurture him under very difficult circumstances.

why is it so hard to accept that HE thinks you deserve whatever help he can offer?  I'm guessing your dil sees in him a wonderful man, the son you raised to be such a good man that she married him, & supports his support of you now. 

It's hard, this understanding that other people don't have the low opinion of us as we do. They think very highly of you, for whatever reason, they do.

No matter what you did or didn't do, Grandy, you need their love, support & kindness. They are gladly giving this to you. No one is forcing them. They want to.

I think it is really important to accept their gift. It may mean more to them than you realise.

So, hug & cry, okay, that's fine. Then, say "thank you". That's all you need to do.

It reminds me so much of that day they gave me the money... oh, my.... I still feel a deep gratitude.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Fiatlux]

Hi everyone, 

Grandy, I hope you are enjoying your new washing machine. I bought a new one a couple of years ago, it is my 3rd in 30+ years and it is so good. Technology has advanced so much. I chose one with a glass see through top which doesn’t have a centre agitator and works very efficiently. After having three children my old machine did in excess of 5000 washes before it gave up. I hope this one lasts just as long.

mmMekitty, I hope you have sorted out your computer problems. It’s lovely having you back on the forums.

Actually, I missed everyone on here, while I didn’t feel motivated to do or share anything. I have had one stressful event after another.

I am again stuck at home as my car is locked inside the garage. My rather careless husband, ran straight into the garage door, texting while driving and has bent and buckled the roller door so badly that he can’t get it up. I still have at least another month before a new one can be fitted. Of course he blamed his very expensive car that should have stopped before hitting the door. I supposed no advancement is going to beat a human hitting the brakes. This is just my life.

After the disaster of Christmas dinner, I decided that I am not going to do anything for Easter. My eldest son was working nights so I had no other reason to cook for husband and younger son. Both treat me appallingly so they just don’t deserve any kindness or consideration from me. I preferred that they went to MIL on Sunday. I had a peaceful, relaxed day. Today is pretty much the same.

Have a lovely evening and week, wherever you are. Have a yummy chocolate . Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, mmMeKitty, Paws, Hanna, Eagle Ray, Fiatlux and everyone…..🤗..

mmMeKitty, your post made me cry…Thank you so much for understanding about how I feel….and your wise words….❤️🦋…I usually give when I can…. But with me still paying off my fur girl’s operation and the re wiring of my house, I was prepared to wait..I wasn’t in a hurry to get a washing machine…..There was a few years I did wash by hand because a washing machine wasn’t a necessary item to have in our home…..I remember my eldest son was old enough at that time to remember that….I keep kicking myself for even mentioning about my machine not working to him when he rang on my birthday….

Wednesday I went to my appointment for the procedure to remove the skin cancer…it didn’t happen, for some reason the receptionist booked me in with another Dr…I only have ever seen my Dr….so I told him (the other Dr) that I’ll rebook another time with my Dr….after rebooking …none available until July ….a bit of umming and aring by me…I needed to get a referral for a blood test so I asked this dr…With a female student Dr..he talked me into having him check the cancer spot…..which he did and he said he can’t see no skin cancer…Now I’m confused…someone has made a mistake….I hope it was my Dr….

Fiatlux, I’m sorry your without a car for a while and the garage door needs repairing….Some people….will blame anything or anyone they can because they don’t own up to their mistakes….No..they are never at fault..

Easter Sunday I went over my neighbours for lunch…Her son and family was going to visit her for a few days, but changed their minds…she was feeling sad about that….my best r/l friend went to her sons place over Easter….I had the honour of caring for her little fur girl…which is my mumma fur girls daughter and sister to my other one….They all enjoyed themselves, running around the yard, through the house dropping dry grass all over the floors 😁…and barking at strange people and cars in our street…

Now, I need to copy this from my iPad and hope that I can paste it and send it before my internet goes off again….its the whole village not just me…

I’ll be back when I can be..to talk to you all properly…Fiatlux, Hanna, Paws,  Deebi👩‍❤️‍👩, Eagle Ray…mmMeKitty,  so frustrating atm with internet problems…

Sending my love, hugs and care everyone🤗💜🦋..

Grandy…

[Fiatlux]

Hi lovely friends and I hope everyone is well,

Grandy, I was a concerned about your appointment mix up. I am definitely no Dr. but I would get that spot removed as a precaution anyway. 

Every time I read about your fur babies I start to really miss mine. I miss our daily walks and I feel ready to adopt a new fur baby. The cost since COVID is a large obstacle however. I see people walk past my house with enormous dogs that are just not suitable for me. My son would like a large German shepherd. They are beautiful intelligent dogs but I can’t imagine cleaning up after them. There are also breeds that have so many health concerns and I couldn’t cope with that either. 

My little girl was a Maltese Cavalier cross and she was perfect, except for the malting. I think that’s why so many breeds are crossed with poodles as they don’t shed. I see winter climate dogs such as Alaskan Malamutes and although beautiful, they would not be a joy in our summers.

Anyway, with daylight saving ending yesterday, I got up early and started cooking. A good pasta sauce takes a day to prepare and perfect. I made a large batch of meatballs as my son was coming over for dinner last night. He also took three large serving to have on his night shifts at work. I baked a double batch of banana and blueberry muffins. They are delicious with lemon frosting for some tang. My son took a dozen to share with his work mates. 

Have a wonderful week, everyone. Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[demonblaster]

Hey our dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 & everyone 😊

Ah darlin friend 🤗 I’m sorry hun I wasn’t here earlier for you. I didn’t see an email notification showing a post from you. I always do check to see if you’ve posted darlin.  
I know & appreciate here there’s no pressure to reply and that you being the awesome soul you are wouldn’t be fazed BUT dear Watson you’re a dear bbff. Never want to not be here within a reasonable time frame 💜

Wow that’s great it not looking like a skin cancer. It’s a wonder it seemed to be one. Big relief lovey tho it is confusing isn’t it. Yip same hope it was a boo boo from your Dr. Maybe to rest your mind your Dr could have another squiz on your next visit.

It’s sad Grandy that you’re kicking yourself for mentioning the washing machine to your dear son. 
Kitty lovey hi darls 🙂 agreed that was a lovely post in regard to this. You’re a good friend 🤗 if you’re a hugger, can’t remember.
I intermittently read posts from you Pawsy and Croixy man.(Email notifications). Sincerely hope youse are all going ok.

Grandz amidst man thoughts about you daily I wonder how your arms going. Hoping the option of another needle isn’t far off. They worked a treat before eventually.

😊 Sounds like a full on household with all the cutey doggies. Good of you to help out. So glad youse are there for each other. 

Ahh poor lady. Hope lunch went well with the Neighbour assuming the same one, I know she can be full on. 
What a shame them changing plans. Families so important to many esp if the people are alone. 

Fingers crossed 🤞the internets working again.

Always bbff 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 so much love. Take care of yourself. Oh..oh…😂 Destiny and Eternity want to go back to play again with you and the gorjy furs. 
Best to everyone 🕊️

[Fiatlux]

Hi everyone,

I’m just dropping in here as I feel so overwhelmed by everything that has happened in Bondi yesterday.

I feel like I can’t breathe. I am trying not to read social media or even watch the news. Some of the reporting has my head in a spin.

I just get so angry and frustrated that every time a woman or women are victims, the perpetrators are always suffering mental health issues or problems. Oh, this is so frustrating. It’s almost like an excuse. And oh well, he had mental health issues so that’s why he did what he did and should all accept that as an excuse and feel empathy for perpetrators. What about the victims? 🙏🏼💔

[Fiatlux]

Had a small glimmer of sunshine and light this evening.

I had been cooking all afternoon in the hope that my son would drop by for dinner like he promised. It was only a glimmer of positivity until the ogre Husband came downstairs.

As I had eaten I was reheating dinner for my son and discussing with him how he wanted his meals packed for the coming week. Of course “Ogre” starts getting under foot and interrupted our peace. I lost it a little with him and asked him to wait his turn. Ogre was desperate to be in on the conversation. I reminded him that our son is my priority and he gets in the all the time.

Well the OGRE exploded in front of our son. Yelling at me to pack up and move out. This anger from him has been a constant since December and finally my son saw it for himself. Saw me cry and crumble. I was a shaking mess. I managed to serve my son dinner and I left the room. He and his father didn’t utter another word. The Ogre thinks that he is winning. Showing my sons how awful I am and blaming me for breaking down. I am once again the problem.

My son came into the living room afterwards and sat next to me. He just looked at me crying and didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to say anything, he grew up watching this. He just can’t start a conversation with the Ogre as it will end in a fight.

He promised to drop in on Wednesday again. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Fiatlux,

It is possibly good for your son to know of these dynamics that are going on but I imagine it’s deeply upsetting for him too as it is for you. I know I found my parent’s conflicts traumatising. I hope you can access some external support, perhaps to talk things through on a helpline. I know I’ve mentioned 1800RESPECT before and can’t remember if you have called them, but they may have some ideas for handling things. I hope you are ok. Take good care and don’t hesitate to call a helpline if you need to chat to someone, whether it is the BB helpline or whatever feels right for you.

Sending you hugs and kindness,

ER

[Ggrand]

Hi everyone,

Just popping in to let you know due to my mental health declining a bit, I’m taking a couple of weeks away from the forums…

Look after yourselves, love, hugs and care 🤗❤️🌈..

👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy..