Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi, mmMeKitty, Hanna and everyone….🤗

Thank you for your kind caring words…

I am booked in on Thursday at 9.30am for my scan…I have to fast from midnight, and drink a full litre of water before I leave here at 8.30am….The fasting is okay, but the other with a litre of water….is not going to fun, travelling an hour on bumpy country roads with weak bladder muscles…hmmm…

I had my 2nd booster last Wednesday..

Tuesday at work..one of the workers out back, disclosed that her nephew (26years old) ended his life….on that weekend …..it’s really heartbreaking to hear these things.

I so much miss the old forums….I know these new ones has a lot more to offer us…but idk it’s so hard to get comfortable with them..it was so much easier and warmer coming in to the forums and seeing all the threads together…now they are all scattered everywhere, not in what I used to call…my  “family groups”…in the “my threads”  sections….I do wish so much that in some way..they can once again group all these together again in a section…idk maybe it’s just me…

I do understand that my support worker has to move onto her new participant, When she done home visits…I always had a cuppa tea with biscuits or cake prepared for her….to make her feel welcome and to thank her for her time….I find it so sad, that she didn’t even ring or text me to say good bye….

I do watch the “life” station…mostly the house hunters…I do enjoy the tours through the different homes around the world….

I need to find something to do for the 5 days I don’t work…right now those 5 days feel like a black hole of nothingness…no motivation, no energy, no brain power…nothing…I have to mow my lawns…been moths since I did..I’ll be fighting my way through the weeds soon, just to get out my front gate….if my motivation doesn’t get working 😂😂..

Deebi, I often visualise us going out for the day….doing some window shopping and having a cuppa after….I still hold onto hope that one day that will be possible..for now my bbff..I’m sending you my biggest caring friendship hug 🤗 ever, along with my care and deep love..💕🌹🦋🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛….

Also sending my love, care and hugs to everyone here…🌹🦋🤗❤️..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovelies ☺

Oh Grandy the travel sounds like it'll be a challenge at the very least poor love. It's great having the technology to do these scans but let's hope in time we dont have to persevere with holding the poor bladders. 

I mostly forget but on occasion do Pelvic floor exercises  which can strengthen and make life that bit easier not that that'd probs help between now and Thurs 😄 Hope you go ok darlin and esp lets hope the results are good or can be easily fixed. It'd be so good having back pain relieved if possible.

I'm glad you've had another booster hun. Please please continue being as covid safe as po esp at work my lovey. Wow this ones just not budging is it. We're having the 4th one in Sept. That's all up including the original one.

I might not have but it seems it just keeps getting bad again the beast! Before this I've been lucky. Haven't had the flu or injections to not get it.

Oh Grandy it's terribly sad people taking their lives and so young too. Being that low we know how it feels 💗 . SO sadly too many others do as well.

It seems it's the only way out but it's not.

I'll stop there sweety don't want to down you more or others.

Yes it is making it harder for sure darl. I hold hope that some of the changes in time will be sorted.

Harder on top when our devices aren't accepting the change. Should make the transition easier once that's sorted and we understand it all. 

I feel sad too Grandz geez it would have been decent to say goodbye. I hope at the very least she maybe down the track might make contact but....🤔 dunno. Pfttt. 

Is there any other mh help your way I know it's limited there that makes it so much harder. ? that lovely GP might know somewhere. Again pfftt. 

Yip Grands so often I visualise us together. It's so lovely and naturally this is too but just not the same eh. 

😅 yip that blasted motivation is a whopper. If we can overide the nah It does feel good & gives our minds a temporary distraction.

Thank you that was a beautiful caring hug. 

Always love you dear friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍨🤗😚

Take care everyone ☺🕊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Well done lass making the appointment for your scan ✔️⭐  

but I don't envy you trying to hold in a whole litre of water 😳  driving & keeping your legs crossed don't really go together do they. 

I don't understand how your support worker can just leave without saying goodbye... I know people say that it's not a job that pays well so the staff just leave... but surely if someone decides to start that type of work they would do so because they have a caring nature... why would anyone start on such low pay if they didn't... I find it bewildering... do you know when your new worker will start?

Perhaps I've misunderstood what you wrote, but all the discussions (threads) you have followed are in one place under your profile... the number in the blue box beside each one is the number of replies since you last visited (if you posted something then it will show as 1)... it doesn't show them in any date/time order like it used to though. You can follow (or unfollow) the discussion by clicking on the three dots at the very top.

Have you any ideas for what you might like to do on the days you're not working? Would you like to do something with animals or young children or perhaps the elderly? Local history groups etc are often looking for people. There are also a wide variety of citizen science projects about, you might find one that suits you. I think it's wonderful that you are even just thinking about doing something... that is such a big step forward.

Huggily Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy

I don't know if your support worker has left, but if she has completed her time with you I doubt she would be permitted to ring a client she has finished with. I think this could be found to be unprofessional.

If this isn't the reason, perhaps she is flat out. When I did home nursing I could barely cope with the workload. There's also miles of paperwork to do... I do understand your feelings but perhaps there is good reason they don't/can't contact you?

It's been freezing cold here lately, I hope you and the furs are managing to keep warm! 🐕🐩🐅🐈🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna, Paws and everyone….🤗..

Thank you all for your kind words and care..

The organisation..Wellways is the only one in town, so I’ll be without a support worker…Tomorrow will be a big challenge for me because it will be the first time in over 6+ years I’ve traveled to the bigger town 70kilometres away on my own….and go to an appointment on my own….I am already struggling with my anxiety and have done the trip in my mind over a dozen times today…😏..

To combat my anxiety I did mow my lawn today…with heaps of otc pain relief….at least that job is done…It’s supposed to be heavy rain tomorrow with strong winds and I have to go out in it….and be back by 2pm….I would much prefer to stay home…

I am wearing my mask at work and out at the shops….One of our workers last Tuesday..the week before this one…was not very well…and she tested positive to covid…she is elderly so I’m praying she is okay…We all done a test Monday night before work and we are all covid negative….

Paws, gee I wish I knew what I wanted to do…I used to do and enjoy long stitch, embroidery, knitting, crotchet, drawing etc…but they seem to trigger me..,You see when I started to do these things when my husband was alive…he took over from me and he did them while I just sat by and watched him…the reason I think he done them was because when I was doing them….he wasn’t the centre of attention….my mind was on my hobby and not on him….I’ve been looking at different crafty things…I just can’t find a reason to do anything….and everything is just bland to me…..but I know that I can’t continue to do nothing for 5 days because by the weekend I’m a complete mess…and many times in tears from frustration and maybe loneliness….I’m not sure is I could get myself out their to volunteer myself at another organisation, it took me lots of years to feel comfortable working at Vinnies..

Big bbff hugs and love dearest Deebi..🪷🧸🤗🌹💙🦋….caring thoughts always..💕☘️🍓🍫.

My care. love and hugs to everyone🤗🌹🦋…also fur and feathered pats and treats…🐈‍⬛🐕‍🦺🐓🦜✋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy. 🕊🌱🌿🌴.

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin/s 👩‍❤️‍👩☺

Oh my/our dear Grandy 🤗 anxietys another mother of demons isn't it. Beasty has quite the collection. Our goal is to dismantle [IT] which is happening. 

No matter how much negative downs bombard it doesn't mean Grandy love that the nags are right. 

It wasn't that long ago you did a big trip to your sons hun and thankfully came home safe.

You got through because it needed to be done and remembering you did is a positive reinforcement Beastys scared of courage.

I wonder if you could break the trip into smaller sections. 

When the time comes to drive if you can only focus on that, keeping in mind with every passing second you'll be that much closer. 

Everytime a negative comes on... take a couple of nice slow deep breathes then let it

pass.

Next thoughts...

I want to be ok.

I will be

Im stronger than what I think

Ok next stage ... Im part way there. This will help towards healing. They'll look after me! 

I'll be home soon and looking back on this. 

What am I having for tea tonight

Oh Grandy I'm and I know your beautiful family here will be with you dear lady every step of the way. Can you visualise us with you.

I'll be yakkedy yak in the passenger seat. 

What would we be talking about in between laughing that is.

Darling bbff my hearts with you 24/7. 

All the best Grandz. You got this 🤗 

Love you for evs beautiful. I really am sorry you go through so much. It's in us to stoke that 🔥we'll get there 🕊

I believe that and in you ⚘

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 nigh nite darlin. Sleep well 😴 precious one 🕊 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to all,

You will be all tucked up in bed by now... 

If Deebi is going to hog the front passenger seat... then I will sneek in the back keeping you company... if you like I can do Woofa in car impersonations to help pass the time... I'm sure you will appreciate nose prints on all your windows... though I I promise not to snuffle in your ears or slobber everywhere... 

You can do this lass... it's a drive you have done before... do you have a favourite cd or play list that you could sing along to as you go... you can imagine us all joining in... good practice for when we next serenade Croixy... 

Big hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone

I'm sorry I wasn't around yesterday - I hope you managed the drive OK, the weather here has been dreadful!!  I wouldn't blame you for not going but if you did, I hope you are home safe and sound!  

Just a brief post from me - you are wondering what to do with yourself... I have been watching utube videos about making terrariums - some of them are gorgeous - you just need a glass container and some gravel, charcoal and soil and plants - some have a top on top so they create their own atmosphere, and you just water them a little from time to time... I am thinking of making one for indoors here...for the lounge room - I am going to look for a pretty glass container I could use... so this is just a thought as you sound as though you have a green thumb..

What about the water aerobics you were thinking of?  It looked very friendly here and none of the ladies seemed very good at it - mostly they were gently exercising and enjoying the social time... do you have a local swimming pool where they have classes?  I think it might be good company and the gentle exercise would be good.

Is there a dog exercise park near you?  I have found people mostly friendly here in the big dog park... and the dogs have a good time.  People mostly come on their own with just their dog, so they are prepared to be friendly?  Just a thought.  

It's wild, windy and rainy outside here tonight!  Hugs from us here oxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Hanna and everyone

I woke up around 4am and decided that I couldn’t do it, so decided to wait until 8am to cancel…but then Betty rang me at 7am and asked if she could come with me….because she is scared of storms and winds…okay…I said yes…so my earlier plans of canceling never eventuated 🙂…The weather today here was terrible…strong winds, heavy rain and loud thunder….

I managed to have a full bladder and the scanning Dr..was pleased with me….my kidney scan showed my cyst has grown some and has produced a few little ones…The more the merrier…on saying that…they are only in my right kidney…my left kidney is doing good….I will find out what treatment or options are preferred  on my next Drs. appointment in a few weeks….

There are no dog parks near me, Hanna…hmmm not to sure on water aerobics…I am too embarrassed about my body to do that….I did think about it..but no, I couldn’t do it…

I like the sounds of terrariums…I will check them out on you tube…thank you for that suggestion….I do like plants..I think mostly succulents are used in those…not sure I’ll look later tonight…

Deebi, thank you for your suggestions and reminding me that I am stronger then I think I am…I did have a lovely conversation with you, while I was in the waiting room alone…Betty wanted to go to the bank and did so once I got checked in…We talked about how we are going to get our nails 💅 painted…The beautiful way we met each other and the amazing journey we have and still are taking together, and how our beautiful friendship grew….💙💅🦋💕🤗..love you dear bbff….

I got home at around 2pm…after I dropped Betty off…had a very satisfying pot of tea…with a couple of cinnamon donuts 🍩…then took a deep, deep breathe…and told myself I did it…Okay, not alone but done anyway 😂..

Hope you all had a nice day and tonight is good as well….

Sending my love, hugs and care to everyone…🦋💕🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🕊🌱🌿🌴.

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 👋

Heya sweety girl how cool was that. Sometimes the universe steps in doesn't it.

Good on you and in horrid weather's a good reason not to go but so glad to be saying you did and you're safely home. You could have said to Betty you weren't going but you did so that back of yours needs a very gentle pat and I'll throw in a 🤗 too.

Oh yeah I bet that cuppa was a good one darlin 🍸 oh wait that's our Kahlua and Tia Maria soz. Wrong occasion 

I'm so pleased you did hun cause it doesn't sound great those nasty cysts growing and baby ones too struth. 😅 loven the more the merrier. You crack me up.

Let's hope that whatever treatment they give eases your back sweety you've got quite enough pain and problems with your poor body, one less would be a relief. Hope the hip wasn't too bad after the lawns yikes. 

The Terreriums hi Hannah sound very nice esp if they have succulents. I love those esp hangers of any kind of plant or tree with droop like Weeping Willow and some Gums leaves hang too. Something not only beautiful but they have a serene peace about them.

Grandy there was something recently you said that I thought later about but it's gone. It might pop back later. Too hard to try and find it atm how it is trying just to post let alone read back. 

Dagh it didn't reload the rest. 

Ahh just loved our convo in the waiting room darl that was SO lovely. Oh don't our nails look swish ☺ 

I love hearing you say yes you did it and Betty going to the bank but you still got the day done and dusted. 

Champion in so many ways 💜  my dearest bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Pawsy Ioved your last post many ☺ & 😂 and the front seat was quite comfy, how was the back 😜

Ok hun in case I might have forgotten to mention it just happens that I love you vewwy vewwy much precious 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫🕊

You stoked that 🔥so rapt 🤝🤗🕊