Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess, Paws, Hanna and everyone...

Thank you for your warm and caring posts...I really appreciate them...

Croix that was such a peaceful scene you posted..I have visited it a many times...

This place is unbelievably noisey...really!....who bounces tennis balls and now basketballs on the floors as they walk around these units all day....Their was an argument last night between a patient and a peer worker..the language by patient wasn’t good with her the raised voice and yelling/swearing has all added to my anxiety...I took off out the front door..in my pyjamas and dressing gown...(it’s 9.30pm)....When I calmed down I sat outside the building for more then an hour...before I knocked on the door so I could be let back in...They didn’t even know I had left the building..they were all caught up in this silly argument....honestly...it’s really not doing me any good....There is not a minute through the day that it’s quiet from someone talking, yelling, music blaring, or the doors being constantly shut with a bang.....

Seen the Psychiatrist Yesterday...he said one more week then he will see how I am going....He upped my ADs and Anxiety meds...now I have those horrid jerks again...Not saying anything to Psychiatrist about them...or he might change my meds which means at least another 4 weeks in here to keep an eye any side effects....

I haven’t told my sons I’m in here...I really don’t think they need to know...if something happens bad..they all have my sons numbers as emergency contacts...

I’m missing my fur babies and my home, my bed, my lounge, my kitchen, and especially my veranda and my gum tree with the birds in it...my bird bath...How very grateful I am to have a beautiful peaceful place to go to...after here...

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone....💜🦋🤗..

Hey bbff.....yadimh..always...with Kind 💭...lysvm..💚🦄🐘🧸🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy

I can believe the place would very noisy and not calming.

I hope you feel more comfortable with your medications.

Do you feel your time there will help in some way?

Kind thoughts to you.

Quirky

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Gosh it doesn't sound like a peaceful place for you to be ... how distressing all that noise and arguing! That would do my nerves in! I hope you don't have to stay there much longer and you can go home to your nice peacful home and furbabies and the trees and garden and birds...

Are there any people there that are nice to talk to Grandy - other patients or the nurses?

You will be glad to be back home... not too much longer i hope for you... sending you soft hugs from little Sam and healing thoughts from me. hugs oxoxoxoxo

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

I'm glad my mental retreat strikes a chord with you. Sometimes when the wold is so difficult it can be a great thing to be reminded by simple thngs that the real world of a few buildings, noise and corridors is not all there is to it.

Why not adopt part of my little spot in the wind on the turf and as your own, don't leave it all the same, walk with the wind at your back -it comes from the sea so it is quite safe. Look at the sheep as you approach, they have long tails like paddles, ropy fleece and neat black faces. The stand together, one might look at then put her head down again. Use you mind to view a fresh part all your own I've never been to.

Doing this at night time can help you sleep, a calming influence. Headphones playing wind noises or the sea might be good at the same time

The next day it helps you remember that while your current quarters on the ward are real, noisy and populated by people you'd rather not be around they are not all there is in this world.

I think your knocking to be let in is most amusing, at least you had the gumption to go out and find peace.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 👋

Sweetyhesrt I'm so sorry you've got so much added stress. Wow what a racket! Pfftt not particularly conjucive to healing aye.
Hey gorgeous as you said you have better ahead.
Oh Grandy I haven't seen it but LOVE your gum tree from what you've said. They're a beautiful tree.
My first stop in Oz was Melbourne loved it there. The first thing I noticed was the gorgeous gums.

I don't know but was wondering if the bouncing balls might be a calming activity to rediect focus or something. It's a wonder the nurses don't ask them to do it somewhere else but no doubt it'd create more grief. Don't blame you being more ancious you poor darling.
Another week probably feels like an age but you'll be back home looking back on this and I hope you'll feel an achievement getting through because you will my lovely bbff I know you can 💜

Good job getting away from the noise.
I bet they whooped themselves when they saw you wanting to get back in.

Hope the extra meds help huns.
Do they work for you?

No doubt hun you would be missing y/our gorgeous furs and soon you'll be seeing the precious loves again and everything will be back to normal.

Again thanks Grandy love for keeping us up to date.

Sweet do you mind me asking do you still feel or are you having any si. Ok if you don't want to say just wanting to know where you're at in that area dear lady.

Ok so I knitted you a cushion (included) cover for your Red rock.
I wrote out instructions but oops somehow managed to knot them into the cover.
I put 2 pkts of chuddy (chewing gum) in the parcel too.
All you have to do is chew both lots at the same time like billyo. Then stick it all over the rock.
Pop your diamond sequelled in the shape of Purple glowing hearts cushion cover onto the gum that by now should have set like concrete to the rock. It blends into the shape of Red Rock then in that opening at the end there you simply shove your cushion into it and voila!
Pawsys thought for a cushion so out came the super vroom needles 🏑🏒 couldn't find my usual ones so used these hockey sticks.

Grandy dear friend hold on sweetyheart you got this.
You're stronger than beasty and remember we don't have to accept or believe [IT's] rotten thoughts.

Darl I wanted to tell you first but so wrapped. New thread Stress; coping thecniques if you read my last post some awesome news. Absolutely stoked 😀

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🦄🐘🕊👀💚🤝🤜😈🤛

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

How are you lass? Have you managed to find some quiet time for yourself? I hope the weather there has been nice enough for you to get outdoors... even if you have to wear lots of layers...

I've seen a lark using my bird bath the last few days... I don't know if it was the one I held as there are at least 3 pairs that use my yard... it hasn't really been bath weather here, but the birds are still splashing away... the larks use it alone, but the fairy wrens always come in pairs & use it in turn whilst the other keeps watch.

It's very cold here today... Woofa's got his winter coat on & is curled up into the smallest ball possible on the couch... I'm always surprised how small a space a Dane can snuggle into...

You are in my 💭 love & hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Dear Quirky, Hanna, Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws..

The lady bouncing the ball as she walks has gone home...I am very happy for her...and me..One patient moves out...another moves in it’s just that I don’t see or speak much to neighbours....or in the shopping centre...that I’m not used to every day living noises and hearing people talking all day....

I’m hoping that at my next visit to my psychiatrist..he says that I’m well enough to go home....I feel well enough...now I need to convince him.....

Croix...I have a new passion right now..and that’s using my imagination at night before sleep...I was lucky one night and dreamt of where my imagination took me....and I woke up feeling not so sad....imagination is a wonderful part of us all....

I did find a beautiful peaceful spot with a tree and flowers growing under it..but I was told I’m not allowed there because there’s no cameras to see me...They check on us every 2 hours so that was all I needed to sneak off down their with a find a word book my phone playing soft music and relax for an hour ... before they do there next 2 hourly check on us...

I think the extra meds are helping....The si has mostly stopped thank goodness...Psychiatrist said that PTSD triggers will be with me the rest of my life..something to look forward to NOT....Stopping myself from going down to far when I first get triggered is so important for me to try to manage...Popping a pill each time it happens is not the answer...upping my meds each time is not good either...There has to be another way...

Oh Bbff...love your hockey stick 🏒 knitting 🧶..Thank you dear friend...how much does love grow to....beyond eternity..dearest bbff..💚🌹🌈🦄🐘🐇🧸🤗..💭24/7..So very happy for you Deebi..getting the place you liked...We will have to have a house warming party for you...

Its been very hot here the past week...I spoke to Betty today and Mrs. NSC...felt good to here familiar voices and hear my fur babies are doing okay....

Thank you all for being the kind and beautiful people you are..Love and hugs to you all...💚🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

"PTSD triggers will be with me the rest of my life..something to look
forward to NOT....Stopping myself from going down to far when I first
get triggered is so important for me to try to manage."

OK, that's sort of true, but leaves out a lot, or does so in my experience. The actual reaction become less strong in time, and the one thought that helps me most is "I've been here before -and come out the other side and lots of my life is fine"

Navigating though life to avoid triggers is not fool-proof, there is always the unexpected, but it can be a help. I also find talking at the time -if there is someone around who understands - helps too. I remember having gone to the cinema with my partner and DIL, and had to walk out half way though crying. I was not able to explain then but they knew from previos experience what was happening, remained calm and we went elsewhere. The reaction quickly passed and I didn't even feel embarrassed, just said what had happened inside me and my thoughts.

I was never able to use my imagination at bed time until I went on the meds I'm on now, they allow my thoughts to relax and be what I want (well, quite often anyway🙄). Between that and my attempts at handling nightmares sleep is no longer something to dread💤.

Sneaking off for an hour to a flowery dell ⚘ sounds just exactly right, and if you always reappear when expected maybe you can continue.

When do you see your psych again?

Croix (who has just used up his entire stock of emoji)

[Tess2]

Dearest Grandy,

it sounds like you are doing really well and responding to treatment so hopefully you will be allowed home this week.

I do wish we were allowed to discuss medication here as it would be interesting to see what helps people and what doesn’t seem to. But I do understand why they have that rule.

yes sneak into the garden for a little while and be happy there. I am glad your dogs are doing well, but I bet they miss you and will jump all over you when you get home to them.

i have my granddaughter with me and we are watching ABC Kids tv.

It is relaxing spending time with her.

take care darling.

Tess

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I do hope you can come home soon! Glad to hear your furs are OK and that you even managed to sneak outside for a bit - yay to you! Is it cold there, it's freezing and windy here today.

Sending you hugs and cuddles from Sam... and sounds like you're doing really well... not much longer now dear lady!

hugs