Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Guest_1055]

Hi Grandy, thankyou for your kindness on the vent and Let go thread. I am okay. Just felt the need to get out all the ugly emotions that I was experiencing is all. And I know the poem you mentioned.

I received your gift of kindness. Much blessings to you Grandy

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, I'm sorry to hear you have some health problems... I think a lot of us here on BB tend to overthink things.. I know I do - I'm trying to just deal with what is happening to me now with my health and not thinking too far ahead and worrying about things that might never happen... can you try to tell yourself to just cope with one thing at a time... don't let your thoughts race ahead too much. Easier to say than do I know!

Can you explain to your new supporter about being left on your own so she won't do that again? I'm sure if you explain it to her... she will understand. I guess she just didn't think...

Sending you warmest fluffy soft cuddles and hugs from little Sam oxoxoxoox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Lass here is a gentle comforting hug.

I know it's scary news... but I'm so pleased they are investigating it properly for you... remember the angiogram may show that things can be managed with medication & that you don't need a stent... though it is one of the most common procedures that they do... I had a stent put in over 15 years ago... it made such a difference for me... (like you I have cardiomyopathy as well).

Hmm... we need to think of some things you might be able to distract yourself with while you are in the waiting room...

You are right to be disappointed with your supporter's behaviour... she is meant to be there to support you... I'm hoping that as she gets to know you she will pull her socks up & actually start being there for you.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Shelly, Hanna, Paws and everyone...🤗..

Thank you for your caring posts...they mean a lot to me..I mean that from my heart..

Not about to give myself health anxiety now...I have always put my trust into my Dr....Cardiologist and specialists...They done the schooling not me...I know I added to my health problems by not moving my body most days..not eating properly...

Paws Thank you for telling me you had the producer done..in a way it make me feel not so alone...I’m sorry you had to have it done....

I hope she does change and be a little more supportive..I know everyone is different and I accept that..It’s that when I’m waiting in a waiting room...with so many people looking at each other and talking...my thoughts take over and the noise just echos in my head...and I want to run away from all the noise and people..it’s a really strong urge to fight...

I think I might take my iPad with me on the 5th..it’s 4 hours all up and I’m not allowed to leave the waiting room because of the radiation injection....

Today I done some more outside..picked so many chillies and gave a lot to Mrs. NSC..then she made us both a coffee...which was nice of her..I occasionally ask her over to mine, but she doesn’t like to visit other people’s places....that’s okay but I feel guilty sometimes drinking her coffee.....we talked about her chickens and our fur babies...

Haha..Deebi.....My furs are so precious and do get up to mischief a lot....I love that about them...they are so cute..I wish you could meet them...every night just before dinner they have a rough n tumble playtime..I often take videos on my phone and look at when I’m feeling down...

Deep love bbff...odsd...can’t come quick enough..💚🧸🤗🕊🍀..

Much love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to all)

I just stopped by and saw you here.. I 've been watching the tennis which was wonderful.. and before that I was doing music practice and playing with little Sam who is feeling neglected (tennis and music taking up my attention!!)

Please don't blame yourself for the heart problems... things go wrong as we get a bit older... no matter what we do... I'm having problems too... it's all part of the joy of ageing!!! Oh dear, we wish it didn't happen... I'm sure you will be fine, they are so clever and knowledgeable about heart problems now...

I get eaten alive by the mozzies here too, I have to be careful to get inside before dusk! They attack my ankles!

Yes learning music by ear is a great way ... that is how my harp teacher always plays.. he just learns the tune off by heart and then puts in lovely hand movements and chords and makes it all sound wonderful - and every time he plays a tune it's slightly different. Yes 37 strings is a very small harp but tuning takes forever.. and one of the strings is going to break which makes me nervous... my friend said she will replace it for me soon... the harp is worth thousands so I am anxious not to damage anything.. she said she paid five thousand for her harp... ouch! I am trying to play The Skye Boat Song... so I have to practice and practice.. and do scales up and down the harp to get my finger dexterity back.... gosh!

I was watching the tennis players tonight, they are so fit and athletic, it's wonderful to watch them even if you don't enjoy the game you have to admire their skill and stamina...

I am glad you had a cuppa at your neighbour's house, that is nice. Did you go to the store this week? Or did you have health problems instead?

It's going to be hot tomorrow and Sunday... I wish we had the aircon now... I will have to wait in for them on Monday.. they come around the middle of the day apparently. At least it will be electric heating for winter instead of the gas - I've always felt the gas heater here was unsafe..

I can understand about how you feel in the waiting room too... and thank you about the bulk billing - they won't do it for a scan.

There is young lady called Kristy-Lyn who teaches harp on Utube - she lives in Capetown in South Africa - she has pretty red hair and a sparkly personality.. my harp teacher uses her music to teach.. she makes it all look easy, when it's so hard and takes so much practice! You might enjoy listening/watching her play something! Hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hi Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone reading...🤗..

I had a listen to Kristen-Lyn..you tube playing “Sunshine”..it is so beautiful the sound of the harp...kinda angelic...and so relaxing...Thank you for sharing her beautiful music...

I think I’ll get my little peddling thing out and start using that again....I tried a walk on my own yesterday...only got to next doors gates and had to go back home....I can’t do it still...maybe one day...I’m okay now when I grocery shop on my own.....there’s never really any more then half a dozen people in the shop when I go...,

After I shower in the evening I need to spray insect repellent on me..or the mozzies have a feast on me....My home isn’t no where near bug proof.....Did try those citronella candles once..I found it didn’t work very well..

A huge branch fell of my gum tree this afternoon..onto the road..a couple from down the street moved it off the road onto the council strip...Hopefully someone will want it for fire wood and will take it away....poor tree..

I hope everyone is doing okay....

It’s still over 30 degrees and it’s 8pm...going to be a hot humid night...

bbff..pubaok....Much love to you 💚with a 🐻 🤗 ..

Love and hugs to everyone..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

Always so good to see you sweet lady. I've been thinking a lot of you which is normal but knowing you have a lot on atm extra stress isn't good is it dear friend 🤗 I hope you're doing as well as you can without feeling too stressed lovely one.

Loved Mrs NSC asking you over for a coffee the other day. Grandz she may suffer from agoraphobia do you think not liking going to peoples places.

Hey good on you being ok shopping now thats a really big step. Good on you lovey.

That's ok in time you'll be able to walk further. I think the important thing is you had a go. Well done. Those pedals sound good.

Oh no the branch falling. It sounds such a beautiful big tree. Can't remember if you have some photos Grandz.

Nice going growing all the Chillis. Good of you taking some to Mrs NSC. You're a kind generous lady dear Grandy Floss.

I'm glad you put your trust with the docs. Yip you don't need health anxiety on top of everything else aye so true. Good girl.

Thank you for your beautiful post at mine. I'll be there tomoz I hope huns. So lovely. You are precious friend 😊

Yukko such icky temps you have brr. We've had a nice break being a little cooler. Loven that in summer.

Please Grandy love be ok dear darling besty. You mean the absolute world. Oh occasionally I get a life from a rl friend on Homescapes that and Garden are good but lives go quickly. No one talks.,Oh well. Liking the games tho.

Love you always beautiful friend. You're amazing. Can't imagine life without you dear friend in it. Same with this beautiful Mr Deebi the gorgeous 😍

Sleep well dear friend 😴 and everyone 🙂

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗👀🤝💤🐶🐕 gorgeouses 🤗

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (wave to Deebi!)

Just popped by to say hello quickly - yes the aircon is on, lovely! Little Sam is fast asleep in the cool.. I am tired out, the men were here for a couple of hours and it's stressful having the workmen around the place although they were all very pleasant - they looked a bit started when they saw the harp in the lounge room, I guess they don't see that often in public housing! Little Sam was very excited and wanted to say hello to all of them and he had to have a pat from each one of course - my little furry guy loves to be the centre of attention!

I am glad you can go grocery shopping by yourself now, that's a big help for you to be able to do that, you are making some big changes and good for you! Are you still going to the store to volunteer - how is that going? Are you still enjoying the company? I haven't heard you mention it lately... wondering if it's going OK? I know you have health worries too... hope you are still volunteering anyway..

That Kristy-Lyn is a pretty, bubbly little thing... my music teacher enjoys her videos! I must look at a couple tonight for practice as I have a music lesson tomorrow...

Deebi I hope things are going OK for you there! You are always here checking on Grandy, you are terrific!\

Grandy, sending fluffy soft cuddles from a rather over tired little Sam oxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah and everyone 👋

Just popping in to put the kettle on I know its late but you're on my mind a lot more than usual that's a lot too.

How ya goin sweet pea. I hope dearly that things aren't getting you down honeyheart.

I wonder if you could ask if new ww can take you for slow walks. So far she's not seeming to be shaping up to much but I guess room for improvement.

These people are paid for doing a service for people doing it hard! Ok vent over..yeah right 😅..as if but I'll cool it for a second

Sweety I baked a lovely cinammon cake just in the last 3 seconds I thought you'd like. There we go there's your nice cuppa sleepy tea cake furs and me to make sure you have a deep restful sleep waking feeling a softness in your soul and a feeling of peace.

You'll never be alone sweety friend. You're so loved respected and cared about.

Thank you for a beautiful eternal friendship dear friend.

Much love to you and deep care. Thoughts 🗯 always. 😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🐶💤⚘

[demonblaster]

💜 love

🗯 thoughts

🤝 never letting go

🤗 hugs with warmth and comfort

🦄 magic

😂 laughter

👀 always looking out for you

👩‍❤️‍👩 beautiful best friend forever

PAubok please always you be ok

Eternal love friendship and care sweetyheart.

You'll get through sweety we're with you lovely one

SSS spirit soul sister

☄ unbreakable link (can't find the other one )

🐉 Deendy

😚🤗