Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[Chloe_M]

Hi Em

the hallucinating is only a recent thing... Only happens when I'm really depressed.

yeah I'm participating in relay for life this weekend... Will be there around 16 hours hopefully walking most the time...but best friend will spoil the day, bringing his new gf down to relay but I don't want to meet her. I'm scared of what she'll think of me I'm just getting worse daily...

You see my best friend is my ex...

It makes things very complicated

x chloe

[Emmy.]

The hallucinations must be frightening. How do you handle it when it happens.

Good on you for still doing the relay for life, even though your ex will be there with his new gf. Go with the intention of staying the whole time but just see how you go, if things are uncomfortable or awkward you could always leave early. Will you have other friends there that you can walk with? Try to just enjoy the atmosphere and have fun. Emmy x

[startingnew]

Morning Chloe

Im glad you like the idea ( Em your more than welcome to do it too 🙂 ) i find it helpful as i have it in my car. Very quick referene for me esp when not thinking clearly.

I hope today goes well for you and i think Ems put it well on how to deal with things. Honestly just be yourself. Going off your posts you have a wonderful personality.

Take care and try to enjoy

[Chloe_M]

Hi Em, Starts,

Relay was great fun. I did 103 laps (approx 44.5km) and alternated between running and speed walking. I also did the Survivors & Carers laps, for cancer survivors and their Carers. I walked with my dad as his carer. 2 of my other close friends were there, plus one of their family friends and another friend's sister. I am proud of myself I stayed for as long as I planned and I walked/ran more than I thought I would 😊

best friend didn't turn up with the gf, am starting to think she isn't actually his gf, I know who she is and I've seen her before but I haven't seen them together... We were always together but still am.... Maybe that's just because we are best friends I don't know... Being best friends doesn't make it hurt less, no, it makes it worse.

Emmy the hallucinations... You see the thing is, I don't actually 'deal' with them so to speak. I just struggle through the confusion of not knowing what is real and if I'm real or not. I come out of it with a fistful of hair because I pull when I'm scared of anxious. I usually see my ex when I hallucinate, he comes towards me as if he's going to hug me, but when I reach for him the vision disappears. It's horrible.

Thank you starts 😊 I'm not really wonderful but thanks for the compliment 😘

The sunset was beautiful this morning, me and my friends sister were walking at relay for life, rugged up in blankets and jumpers and we came over the hill and this beautiful orange sunset greeted me... In that moment I realised how lucky I am to still be alive...

x Chloe

[startingnew]

Hi Chloe

wow thats amazing! well done for doing that much and for having a good day too

if i remember right you had an appt today? how did that go for you?

[Chloe_M]

Hi!

So dr referred me to an anxiety depression psych for adolescents, mum will make an appt.

i aksed mum to leave the room and she did, which was good. I talked to my dr more after she left, opening up about everything including self harm and hair pulling.

On my MH plan in the diagnosis section he wrote anxiety and depression, however will be getting a more detailed and "proper" diagnosis from the psychologist I am seeing.

Ahhh so much for the new gf not actually being his gf. Saw them together today. I just happened to be full on psycho today, it was one of my high days and she was looking at me weirdly and he was looking at me sadly. Not much I could do. He said later, "I want to introduce you to *gfs name* tomorrow" and I thought holy sh*t I don't want to talk to her, she'll probably recognise me and peg me as the psycho ex gf. But all i said was 'sure'. I just try and be happy for him, in some ways I am. Half of me wants to move on, let him go we could be even better best friends. But the other half wants to hold on like I have been for the last 6 months, holding onto that small sliver of hope that he might come back when I get better. Because it's obviously all my MH issues and self harm suicidal thoughts etc that made him not love me anymore.

Ahh anyway, today was an okay day. Am very sore tho from Relay haha 😬

Chloe x

[Tams20]

Hi Chloe,

Try not to be too hard on yourself about your best friend/ex, it is not your fault that the relationship didn’t work out, there were two people involved. The fact that he is your best friend means he still loves you and cares for you. Just differently. If you can manage to be good friends with him it may end up being a longer term relationship than if you were a couple. He sounds like a lovely guy, definitely someone to try to keep as a friend.

When I have been in this situation in the past I tried to distract myself by hanging out with my other friends. Being active. Doing anything I can to get my mind off the situation. And I got over it in the end, these feelings don’t last forever.

Hang in there and look after yourself!

Tams

[startingnew]

Hi Chloe

it sounds like your appt went well for you and your mum was respectful enough to leave so you could be more comfortable as well.

With your sitution with your friend. i think Tams has covered it well.

Like you i suffer from hallucinations with certain triggers and if im extra stressed. maybe thats the same for you too. i think itd be worth having a chat to your Psychologist about when your able to see him/her

hope todays ok for you

[Emmy.]

Hi Chloe. Well done with relay for life! 103 laps is AMAZING. That was sweet walking sign your father for the survivors / carer lap - i’m so sorry he’s having to battle that horrible disease.

With the hallucinations I use to find writing things down helped me to remember what was real. When I got up in the morning I wrote down what day it was, what was happening that day and things to remember that are true. I use to pull it out when I could make out up from down. Just a suggestion.

Glad your meeting with your doctor went well. And that was good asking your Mum to leave. Did your GP giving you some stratergies of how to handle things until you see your psychologist.

How did today go with meeting your best friends new gf. Must have been hard but I hope you managed OK. Tams advice was great!

Hope you’re having a nice relaxing night. Big hugs to you. Emmy xx

[Chloe_M]

Hi Emmy,

Yeah meeting the gf was hard... she's nice though, he seems happy, and thats what matters.

That suggestion for hallucinations is a good one... will definitely try that one 🙂

big hugs back xox