When I was 22 my mother passed away from bone cancer
I am 30 and have always been a worrying person even when I was little. When I was 22 my mother who was fantastic passed away from bone cancer after battling years of bouts of cancer, I think this has caused my depression that im still battling with. Sometimes I feel like Im taking a step forward and then I feel like I take about 10 back. When she was in hospital I was also in hospital from a staph infection and it was horrible not being there with her in hospital. and my poor dad couldnt be in two places at once as the hospitals were 2 hours from each other, so i felt very alone. My mother passed away in our house which we built not long before her passing. and this year, our house was taken by bush fires. and then the same week, my mothers mum (my nan) died also. Its all too much and hard to see the joy in life when everything gets taken away. I have been battling this depression, stress and panic attacks for a long time and have finally decided to do something about it as i know i need help now. I feel more alone than ever , even though i know im not. its actually me pushing people away even though i dont want to. its just hard to talk when nobody understands.I have a great family, friends and partner and I really feel guilty for not being normal. They want to help but they do not know how. And i put on a front most of the time. I just want to find somebody I can talk to that can help. I am determined to feel like the happy girl I used to be. I feel like im getting old before my time and my 20s have just been a blur. This is my first step to at least tell my story and reach out to others that know how this can feel.
You deserve a psychologist, or at the very least a grief counsellor. They are trained to listen, really listen, consider the factors in a situation, and offer scientifically verified, and proven by repeated success stories, ways of providing the help you seek. Not only can they help you directly, but they can help you to teach the people in your life to support you more effectively. It's like the opposite of a downward spiral or chain reaction of bad things. Psychologists give people the tools to create upward spirals: They help you to help them and your partner and your family, who then help you, who then help them more, who then help you more. See what I mean?
You've had to cope with your mum passing away 8 years ago and your nana also. Kind of a brutal load of grief for you and your family line. And must have been crazy driving 2 hrs between hospitals. Your dad must be suffering a lot too.
When you are pushing people away at least you feel safe/comfortable/not worried about having to deal with relationships,etc. Depression seems to excel at isolating us and making the world seem too big to venture into.
I don't mean to disrespect your passed mum and nan but if they were looking down on you wouldn't they want to see joy, all the energy a 30 yr old can muster, a lot of determination to get on track and do something with your life to honour them ? Sometimes we let the darkness in and it just stays.
Facetious is right the "Psychologists give people the tools" so maybe a professional visit would help. And then you can go home, grab a cuppa, and watch Team Psychology win the last Kitchen Renovation Challenge on The Block. Lol.
dear Denver, they are right all of this is far too much for anybody to have to cope with.
My deepest sympathy for the passing of your dear mum and your nan.
The old saying ' it never rains it pours' is so true in your case and you need professional help, just as you could keep posting on here.
It's been 5 days since you posted and only now have we been able to reply back to to you, our deepest apologies. Geoff.