Overcoming the difficulty of having a son in prison

[JoeDee]

I have a son in his early twenties that is in jail, having recently been sentenced for two years for an attack on a random person. It was a moment when he was drunk i believe, a bit of a fracas and he lashed out. Was no intent of maliciousness to cause harm, just anger fueled. Unfortunately, the victim fell to the ground ending up in hospital in an induced coma which made it worse for my son. He now feels harshly dealt with by the system and its really tough on him and on me being a single parent to handle and cope with. I really don't know how to get on with my life whilst he is behind bars and where to go from here. There's no one to talk with either. It's a difficult situation. I would love to visit him but its a fair distance to get to. I will however organise a trip soon. I hope time goes by fast, he is given parole and we can get on with our lives. I feel it will have affected his life forever. I keep telling him its a time he needs to forget and that he is young and can move on from here. I too need to move on with my life. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi JoeDee, 

Thank you so much for sharing this here. We’re so sorry to hear about you missing your son while he is in prison. We can hear you’re a really caring parent and your concerns come from such a loving and supportive place, but it’s also a difficult and scary time.  

I’m sure we’ll hear from our amazing community soon. If you’d like ideas or information on how to care for yourseld, feel free to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone.  

The Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to talk. 

Thanks again for sharing here. We really appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing and offering your support here on the forums, so we hope you can be kind to yourself also through this time. 

Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[Croix]

Dear JoeDee~

I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Sadly when a person gets sentenced it can be the whole family, mothers, fathers , partners, brothers & sisters plus children all suffer too, both emotionally and often financially.

As a single parent I'd expect your resources may be pretty stretched already, wihtout this.

I think you have already found and contributed to the best source of information and support on this forum, July's long-running thread which contains the experiences of many.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/long-term-support-over-the/sadness-grief-and-regret-over-sons-in...

July has kept on coming back over the years and only posted again the other day beside your posts.

I guess the unwelcome news is that I'd expect your son may have changed from the person you knew. Feeling that he has been hard done by, having gained new people to be wiht , and having learned how unforgiving the prison system is he may not want to come home and be wiht you. He may also not -at least at first -value your advice.

I'm sure from reading that thread you will already have the imortant things in mind:

Getting away from associates who are bad influences

His trying wholeheartedly at anger management therapy

Getting off and keeping of drugs and alcohol, which will take professional assistance too

Finding employment

Treating parole seriously and honestly.

You can only do what you can, I think you already realize it is really up to him to try, and to be prepared for the knock-backs that will inevitably come, but not give up. In that thread you may have read I kept trying to get people coming out of incarceration employment, it is not easy, but had some successes.

Please find whatever support you can for yourself and know you are always welcome here

Croix