Loss of my Mother

[BabyDepression07]

im 28 years old and have 3 younger siblings aged 22 and a twin brother n sister who r now 9.

we suffered an unexpected loss of our mother a year ago and i have no idea still how im suppose to deal with it.

I have lost all my family as none of them talk to me sinc it happend, my 22 year old brother has custody of the twins.

he and i dont talk anymore.

no one in my family even comes to see me or ask how i am.

my Bipolar is really hitting hard some days.

i dont know what i have done wrong or y everyone stays away from me.

im so lost n feel so alone. 

IS THIS NORMAL OR AM I GOING CRAZY????

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I am sorry to read about what has happened in your family and the effect this has had on you. Perhaps worse still that you don't know what was might have been the cause of this.  It also sounds as though you have not been able to move on from the death of your mother. We might say that we all experience grief in our own way and time and it however long it takes - I suspect this only works if you have ways or are able to find ways or being able to move forward, in whatever form that takes. One thing I do know is that you do not really forget the person or the meaning that other person had/has in your life - this is something I get reminded of by people much older than myself who have been through this experience in their own family and with friends as well.

if there was one thing that I could ask you... were you ever able to talk to someone, or even write down, what your mother meant to you? Whether that is the good times or bad? And how you are feeling right now? Or .. honor your loved one's memory. Reflect on special times and the ways they impacted you. You might even want to create some sort of ceremony or ritual that feels meaningful.

Lastly, Are there any support groups near you? If not for bipolar, then for grieving. Connecting with others who understand the condition can reduce feelings of isolation. You don't have to go through this alone.

Take it one day at a time, staying attuned to your needs. You will find light again through the grief. Wishing you comfort and peace. Listening if you want to chat more ... 

[Emotions26]

Hello BabyDepression07

I am sorry for a late response.

I am grieving the loss of a few people recently and my mum a year ago. Others longer term. My mum passing was expected and it still hit me hard.

Grief is different for every individual. Some people never grieve.

I am not surprised that you feel so lost and alone.

You are all so very young to lose your mum.

Sadly it is a known fact that many families fall apart when the parent, in your case, sounds like your mum was the matriarch whether by choice or not. She was your mum.

Family dynamics with a range in age groups could have been occurring.

You were possibly already struggling with your bipolar.

Unexpected loss of a loved one is traumatic.

The family can just fracture and each pull away.

A whole array of emotions can cause a huge split like this without intention.

They might not really feel that you any done anything wrong. They might be floundering,  not dealing with the unexpected loss and their automatic response  is to push you away.

Have you heard of fear/fight fear/flight?

Many people stop talking to each other even when they are still living together in the same home.

I just wanted to let you know that you look after you first.

You do not know what the future holds. They might feel different in time.

One day at a time.

smallwolf has written such a tender reply to you with very caring, helpful ideas. The honouring her memory in a way that you feel comfortable with is a beautiful gift to give yourself. I did this for my mum.

An idea. Writing down your thoughts is helpful also no matter what they are. Noone else has to read them.

I imagine that your head is spinning.

Can you get an emergency appointment with your gp for a referral to a grief counsellor if you do not already have one?

 Also important to have your medication levels monitored if you are taking medication.

Let your doctor know that you are on your own with this. It takes strength to reach out and ask for help. You can write down what you want to say before you go and just hand over the paper for them to read. This has helped me in the past.

Take care

Write and let us know how you are if you feel up to it.

There is no judgement here.

Ems