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is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I crazy?

Community Member

years ago I almost died but I dont feel like I'm the same person after it. there's so many better things about who I am now and I like myself way more... but I also kind of mourn the loss of the person I was. it's as if I lost my innocence, lost my faith in myself and lost that person I used to be. to cope, I even changed my name as it helped recognise the person I am now rather than being seen as the person I used to be, but there's also just some sadness and grief that comes with having almost entirely detached from who you used to be in the span of what, a couple hours? there's so many things from my old self that have continued on, but these things aren't good, such as unresolved traumas and unresolved insecurities. I'm trying to work on it, but idk, I almost feel like I'm broken for mourning... the person I used to be? is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I mad?

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Lemonadetears

Briefly, no, I don't think you are 'mad'. Being human, we are capable of grieving all sorts of losses. When you feel a loss, the loss comes with pain, hurt feelings, a sense of something being missing, maybe an empty, hollow feeling. Sometimes people grieving feel anger, or guilt, or frustration, or confusion & don't understand what's happened or what is happening to themselves after. The feeling can feel bad to have, & seem to cause us more pain & we might also wonder why we feel so much about what we've lost, like our reaction is too much & we shouldn't feel so strongly.

When your thinking & feelings feel out of control, try to pause a minut, just to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel.

When I've done this, I like to write about what I'm feeling. I find that helps to straighten the feelings out, & get the thoughts in order, & stops the feeling like you are in a whirlwind, going around & around.

All the things you are feeling are ordinary human feelings, strong feelings, true, because you are experiencing something deep & meaningful to you.

Your feelings are your feelings, neither good or bad.

Your thoughts are your thoughts, neither good or bad.

That's important - no judging them as good or bad. 

Instead, you can watch them, as if watching on a screen, if you like.

I know, I found this really helpful when I was simply trying to name my feelings.

Yeah, I think what you feel is real. I have felt such losses, relating to actually wanting to 'lose' my past. I have also changed my name, for similar reasons. As I age, I am experiencing other losses, health, sensory, memory, & there is a grieving to be done now, too, it seems.


Sorry, my thoughts are wandering, but I hope they help you a little. Be kind & caring towards yourself. 




Hey lemonadetears,


Welcome to the forums and thank you for your openness and bravery in sharing such a powerful post. We’re so sorry to hear what’s been going on. Mourning and trauma can truly make us feel 'broken', even when we are far from it. It is a really tough and understandable feeling. 


It’s really important to look after yourself, your mental health and your wellbeing through a time like this. The Beyond Blue counsellors are always here for you on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat. There’s also Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or webchat.


Thanks again for sharing, you never know who might be helped by reading this, so please feel free to update your thread any time.


Feel free to come back to your thread if you feel comfortable, we’re here to help you work through this.  


Kind regards, 

Sophie M