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grieving my late brother and my still alive father

Community Member

i lost my eldest brother to cancer last year. nobody in my family has been the same since, it has affected every aspect of the world.

i just completed high school, and found myself with the freedom and time to begin to grieve properly. due to covid, there was no funeral or ability to see friends and family in person when he passed.

to be honest it still doesn’t feel real, i’m not sure i will ever truly believe he is gone.

things have been pretty bad, but the past few weeks had not been too heavy due to celebrations graduating and covid restrictions easing.

but today, my dad came home and told me and my other brother that he and my mum had some news. he told us that he has been diagnosed with cancer.

right now i am horribly overwhelmed in every sense, but it just feels like a joke.

last year was hard enough with the loss of my brother, as well as covid, the family dog being put down, and my dad being mutilated in a work accident.

it seems that this is never going to stop. i’ve been suicidal since very young, but with everything that has even happening i find myself wishing for it more.

i feel like i’m already grieving the death of my father who is still alive. we don’t even have enough information yet to know if it is fatal or not. i still find myself grieving.

feelings have been numb for a while, ever since we first found out my brother was diagnosed in 2019. i feel awful because i can’t console the rest of my family because i don’t have the right words to say.

i don’t want to lose my dad how i lost my brother.

and i’m quite scared i will do something stupid myself due to lack of emotions.

i turn 18 in just over a month but i’ve never wanted to live to that age.

perhaps i am grieving for my brother, my dad and myself.

i miss my brother and i don’t want my dad to die.

i am so very sick of this all

3 Replies 3

Hi rosentity,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you recently, especially hearing the news of your father not long after the loss of your brother. We can only imagine how stressful and overwhelming this must be for you. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome to the forums.

sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and your father's diagnosis. Sounds very unfair to have to deal with both of these at the same time. I also know it can be easy to think the worst case scenario in the absence of information. Been there done that. That period of time waiting can be difficult. But if it is caught early enough then chances are better. Have you talked to your dad about this?

Please also know that your thoughts are normal and how you grieve the loss of your brother is OK. And whether you speak with the family about this or professional (if needed) is up to you. It will take time and I doubt you will forget him and over time the pain reduces. And maybe, writing here has been helpful to you?

If you decide to come and write some more, I am sure others will reply to you with kindness, love and support.

Community Member
Hi Rosentity, my name is Christina and I am on this grief site because of my own grief. However, I just read your post and I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your dads new diagnosis. It is very difficult to lose someone we love. My son Tim took his own life in 2017 and a few months later my brother Michael passed away from pancreatic cancer. I know that I am a bit older than you (my son was 34 and my younger brother was 50 when he passed - I am 58 now) but my daughter Mel is still a young lady and as you know now she lost her brother Tim and her uncle Mike within a short space of time. What I didn't write on my previous post (because I was writing about my own grief) is that I was also diagnosed with cancer in 2010, years before Tim or Michael died in 2017 so my daughter Mel has been through a lot just like you. Mum (me) diagnosed, brother took his own life and then uncle passed away from cancer. My cancer relapsed in 2015 but I am happy to report that my cancer is in remission (11 years later) and to let you know that cancer treatments are improving all the time. I guess I just want you to know that you are not alone and that I have felt completely overwhelmed at times. You must feel frightened and overwhelmed and I am sorry that this is happening in your life. Please stay in touch with Beyond Blue on this forum and allow them to help you. They are such a wonderful organisation and have made me feel a lot less overwhelmed already. Know that I am thinking of you and sending a hug and some understanding, kind regards Christina