Alzheimers disease, i hate you so much
i posted a threat under the depression forum, where maryg helped me... but think maybe i should have posted it here..
i lost my dad to sinister Alzheimers in april 2011 but it feels like last month'
i am incredibly angry about this ...... how dare it take my dad
hate you alzeihmers - you suck
That's a real blow to you and your anger is really taking over. Isn't it terrible the way these traumas hang around and continue to hurt you ? For you not to suffer the same disease you could involve yourself in music or making music. There was a research paper a few years ago that proved musicians are only 1% likely to get Alzheimers as opposed to the general (non musical) public's chances of 40%. The reasoning is that music strengthens memory beyond any other activity.
Anyway, you might rally around and become a stronger person through this grief. A lot of positive things can come out of a tragedy. Even with this weekends' bush fires there is a great swelling of community support. It's probably time to seek some counselling to get through this anger or at least work out a way to be aware of any triggers that can bring on these harsh and strong feelings.
When I lost my mum to cancer I didn't even register it for 3 months cos she died overseas. Plus I was in psych hospital when the funeral came so it's been hard to close off that part of my life. And that was in 1996. If I'd seen a counsellor at the time I think I would have given everything a bit more maturity and value. My English family send me photos of her gravestone from time to time and it doesn't take much to get back into that "Why ?" mode and feel a bit pissed off. She was 60.
thank you David
i like the idea of the music. it makes total sence. Unfortunatley it didn't stop Alzeihmers finding my dad. Fred was his name. He was a self-taught banjo player, had played banjo from age 18 up to just after being diagnosed (early diagnosis - just over 70 years when diagnosed). he also painted beautiful oil paintings of australian landscapes, and rode motorbikes; even made 2 banjos himself from scratch. Kept his mind busy... i dunno what says you get Alz or don't.... maybe nobody ever will find out.
My mum and I are reliving my dad's passing, which was quite painful. This is because my mum's close friend's husband is in hospital having been transferred from a home caring for him, because he was given meds that had an unexpected effect on him; he became violent. he's okay for now, but i am pretty sure it's got to the point where it is now a waiting game... just waiting for him to stop fighting and pass away peacefully. Mum and i have been helping his wife and daughter - staying at my mum's place, driving them to hospital and to their home to feed the animals and clean up, then back to the hospital. each person having their own mini-emoitional breakdown (my last night, daughter Saturday night, wife and my mum i think still waiting for their respective private moments.
did not realise how much this would affect me until I got home after spending 8 hours with them..... angry, then tears, feeling pretty exhausted
thanks for your post, David, i was hoping somebody would respond....