5 funeralsin 3 months

[Onepa]

Between june and august i went to 5 funerals. My uncle (very sick) and one of my friends fathers whilst i was growing up. Then my partners grandfather died. Two weeks after that my best friend called me at work and said he and his father had found his mother (suicide). Her funeral was on a friday. Then the Sunday of that weekend my Nan passed away. I was at her bedside and it was peaceful. But when it was all happening i sort of felt like i was making a recovery from one death and boom. Another would come along. So i just got on with it and tried to cope the best i could and supporting my mum. Im also building a house which is stressful in itself. My partner is a police officer and whilst trying to be helpful its been a bit rough. Now im finding that everything has calmed down and is back on track, all the deaths are catching up to me at once. And i find it really hard to get up. Im crying and lashing out at my partner but he doesnt understand. Work (law firm) is also stressful and everything is just piling up and i feel like i cant breathe. 

[Neil_1]

Dear onepa

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I’m so sorry for not having replied to you sooner.

I’m also very sorry to hear of all the recent tragedy that you’ve experienced.  One death is horrible enough, but to experience 5 in such a short space of time – I can fully understand why you’re finding it difficult to cope now.

It sounds like you live reasonably close to your Mum?  Am I right in assuming this?   It sounds like you have a good relationship with her and I hope that between the two of you, you’re able to be there and support each other.

It’s the old system isn’t it – death and tragedy do happen, but the world moves on;  it simply doesn’t stop.  I’m referring here to your work and how it’s there and needs to be still done, despite you feeling most probably like wanting to be at work would be the lowest on your current priorities.

I’m wondering if during this time whether you’ve made any appointments for some professional help to assist you through – like seeing your doctor?  From that they may be able to advise you to a specific counsellor who may be able to help you work through the grief that you’re experiencing?

Also am not sure if you took much time off work during those periods you mentioned, and I guess whether being able to take some time off work would be an option for you, but just thought I’d throw that out there as well?

Would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Paul]

Hey Onepa,

Hugs - I'm so sorry you've lost so many in a short time I sensed that you remained strong for so long and when your emotions caught up, it got harder.

On the Beyond Blue website there is a special section dedicated to grief and loss. There's some really helpful information there. The information explains the stages that we go through when coming to terms with losing someone and mourning their loss. From the menus at the top, "the facts" then "Grief and loss" is where the info is located. Of course the info is no substitute for having a chat with someone as Neil suggests, but it will help with insight into why and what we go through after loss. For example who would have thought that anger (and lashing out at your partner) would be part of grieving for someone!

Along with Neil's sage advice and having a read of the info there is a key to making travelling through grief just a little easier. Be kind and honest with yourself and your emotions. You're allowed to feel whatever you are feeling, it's natural and normal and part of the shining love you had for special people to move into your heart and become fondness when you think of them.

Stay in touch, we're here to help.

Paul