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Young and Riddled with Anxiety and Depression
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Hi 2023-
I think one of the hardest things in life comes down to figuring out who we naturally are. In the process, I've found the mantra tends to be 'What's wrong with me?' or 'Why am I so dysfunctional?'. On the other hand, to know I'm naturally an introvert (a quality I've come to love) and I'm naturally sensitive to the loud combined overwhelming sounds that can come with food courts, shopping centres, unfurnished function centres (that have virtually nothing to absorb all that sound) etc helps. To know I didn't get a great education in how to manage a variety of social situations helps. To know I can naturally easily feel my surroundings (including people and their natures within those surroundings) also helps. Some triggering people out there. To know how my nervous system naturally works helps too. Might sound strange but understanding a little about quantum physics has helped as well. How energy (from other people, sound, sourroundings etc) interacts with our own energy is fascinating. Kind of equates to 'There's nothing wrong with me, I can simply feel what's going on around me and within me'.
Another challenge can come down to not knowing anyone who can feel life in the same ways. Gets lonely. For example, you can feel the heartbreaking depressing impact of an insult, which is a tough thing to feel alone. On the other hand, if you're in a group of people who are all feelers, you can all throw each other a knowing smile, based on you all having felt that insult at exactly the same time.
So, where to find a circle of deeply feeling people? Nature walkers who love feeling a connection to life, yoga practitioners who love feeling connected to relaxed activity and a sense of internal energy, music lovers who love connecting to the energy of sound ...the list goes on. People who love feeling an energetic connection of some type. With social anxiety, maybe you could find someone who will join with you, to help you with the initial connection. They can always step away once you become comfortable. Perhaps a small peaceful welcoming meditation group could be a start. All depends on what you're looking to feel.
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Hi therising,
Thanks for your response. Yeah I feel like I should try joining a group of some sort just not sure which one. I'm just in a phase where I feel like it's not going to help either. Appreciate your time in making this response though, it's nice to know there are other people online that can relate.
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Yeah I don't really relate to anyone and haven't since I was younger. I'm not sure anymore. I don't do anything at home because I don't care to spend time doing things, nothing is fun and I don't have a passion for anything. Also, my brain has really changed in the last 5 years, I find it hard to stick to simple tasks and learn new things.
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Hi 2023-
Joining a group is definitely a tough one. Being an introverted sort of gal, I tend not to joint groups unless something really outstanding comes up that really has a magnetic type of pull to it. Doesn't happen too often. Confidence and internal dialogue can be 2 other significant factors. The confidence and dialogue can sound a little like 'What will I talk about with these people? What if I can't find anything to talk about, what will they think of me?' etc. Being 52, so you'd think I'd have that stuff together by now but, hey, we're all a work in progress. When folk say 'Practice makes perfect', the lack of perfecting group joining comes down to a lack of practicing I suppose you could say.
I always consider joining groups as a courageous thing for someone who's introverted and/or trying to manage social anxiety. It's a challenge, as not everyone can feel their own nervous system ramp up to 100 when stepping into a new situation.
I think what makes it the tiniest bit easier is when there's some form of education on offer. For example, if I want an education on meditation, I might join a meditation group run by an experienced facilitator. If I want an education on channeling parts of myself that I need to bring to life, I might join a group run by someone who offers an education on how to do that. Going back about 17 years when I recall joining post natal depression group therapy, in order to gain support and an education on how to manage the brain state and emotions that come with PND. Education comes in so many different forms. The education might look like a weekend workshop, a 2 week course or a 4 year one. Even an online group could be a start sometimes.
You looking to gain knowledge in any area of life?
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Hi 2023-
I think about my 17yo son and how much he'd be able to relate to a lot of what you mention. While he spent only a couple of years in primary school (grades 5 and 6) being able to relate to kids who became his friends, up 'til then he'd prefer to sit on his own. With secondary school, it's only been in years 11 and 12 where he's developed a couple of good friendships. He's always been a quality not quantity kind of guy when it comes to friends. He can only tolerate kind, thoughtful, imaginative, open minded/wonder filled (wonderful), considerate, non judgemental people. With a world where such people are lacking in large numbers, finding them has been a challenge for him.
With his desire to study marine biology at uni after taking a gap year next year, year 12 subjects have proven to be a significant struggle. While school work over the years has progressively become harder, he pushed me to take him for a psychologist's assessment for possible ADHD and/or ASD. While I asked him how he'd feel if he was labelled as having one or the other or both, his response 'I don't care what label I'm given, I just need to know (1) why I tick the way I do and (2) how I can manage that (gaining specific management strategies/guidelines that make life much easier). While he has a truly brilliant mind, downright mind blowing in some ways, he remains struggling with maintaining focus and processing complex information. It's like his brain is saying 'Nup, not interested. I'm not even going to try learning that'. He finds it incredibly frustrating and even depressing to some degree. His brain wont let him learn what he desperately wants to learn.
While a relaxed mind can achieve absolutely incredible things, including great levels of brilliant intuition, too relaxed (in a number of ways) can make it hard to learn what's complex. I think the win is somewhere in the middle. Can be far from easy to find or develop balance.
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Thank you for this. I would like to gain knowledge in something new but, just not sure what.
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Hi, I'm sorry to hear but, I hope your son gets through everything, being a teenager is a struggle as we all know. Finding balance is extremely hard especially when the past, present and future are all in our minds. I struggle with too many thoughts. I guess it's a lifelong struggle that we all deal with but, some people are better at it than others..
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Hi 2023
You're so kind. Teenage years hold such massive identity shifts for sure, sometimes with so many moments spent trying to make sense of things, including who we are.
I'd have to say one of the hardest things in life can involve how to stop thinking. It's so incredibly hard to do. 'Problem solving' mode can just about take me to the brink of insanity at times or so it feels. I tend to enter into that mode when I'm stressed, depressed, confused or even just obsessively full of wonder about simple things. It's like that computer processor up there in our head just computes and processes without an off button at times. I think we're just packed with so many mental programs to the point where we can struggle to switch off our access to them. Weird to think that even when looking at a simple plant, we're calculating/processing/referencing the colour, shape, the design of the leaves, whether it's swaying with the wind or not, the background it stands in front of, the name of it (if we know it) and so much more. We can't just be with the plant in a way that goes beyond description like we could when we were very little, when it was simply a thing we loved.
It would be nice just to feel and connect without always finding a need to identify how or what we're feeling or connecting with. Nice just to go with the flow without feeling the compulsion to define the flow. Sometimes I think it can largely be about the need to know, something that's tied into that wonderful or wonder filled aspect of who we are. You know, that part of us that perhaps asked through our childhood 'Why is the sky blue?' or 'Why do I have to go to Grandma's?' or 'Why won't you listen to me?'. I don't think we ever stop wondering, trying to make sense of things. I think we just do it differently as we get older. While our parents might have led us to stop wondering through distraction ('Oh look, what's that cat over there doing?' when we're having a meltdown about something), as we age it tends to be called 'Meditating on something else' or 'Shifting focus'. I think our parents were onto something 🙂
