Workplace bullying. What is your experience?

Succulent Queen · ‎27-02-2021

Hi BB friends,

Just wondering...what is your experience of workplace bullying (or bullying in any environment) and how do you get back up? How do you stay resilient in the face of stigma, derogatory judgement, gossip and rumour? How do you not feel the shame due to believing what they say.

I experience a mild/low level of workplace bullying. It is chronic and wears me down. It takes me to damaging depths. I question my personality everyday and reflect on what I can do better. People pleasing is not the answer. I have learnt to really hate myself.

I'm not a malicious person and never stir up trouble. I have social anxiety and can come across as unfriendly rather than shy. I think this could be one of the causes of the bullying. I try so hard to counteract this with varying success. It's a great day when it works.

Internally I cry, I rage, I disengage, I withdraw, I partially checkout of reality and the inner critic curls my brain into the foetal position. I'll just be honest here and admit I think of suicide. The brain just wants relief, is that so bad? Just to be clear, I have no intention of taking my life. I know I can ring Lifeline etc. I think suicidal curiosity goes hand in hand with being chronically unhappy or to use a term that is thrown around so much it virtually means nothing - Depression. Again, the brain just wants relief. Doesn't mean it's going to get it, via suicide that is.

I called Lifeline today after work and it helped. Lifeline can be hit or miss and luckily today was a hit.

For the record I'm looking for another job where I can be alone more. The bullying seems to occur in every workplace I enter so I'm the common denominator as they say.

How do you stay resilient or content or even happy at work in the face of bullying?

Tx

SQ

Cee123 · ‎17-03-2021

My experience was that i was working in the housekeeping department at a hotel and most of my bullying came from the security department. This included having my voice mocked over the two way radio, being lied to and denied use of the two way radio - they'd tell me it was lost or stolen and giving me this stupid paging device and then I'd find out weeks later that wasn't the case as all the other people on the shift on the days that i wasnt there were regularly using the two way radio. I had another experience where i was new at the job and someone had dumped rubbish in the linen trolley for me and it took me literally half an hour to sort out the rubbish from the linen. Another where i was in the canteen getting my food during the break and the security guys were laughing at me and making fun of me. I said to one of them "if you've got something to say say it to my ****ing face" he later came into the office and started yelling at me and denying that it was about me and threatening to "kick my ****ing head in" if i ever spoke to him like that again. A workmate witnessed the whole thing and reported it to head office of course nothing was done. I also went back to a workmates appartment one night for drinks and he stated something about that he had defended me and i said about what? He wouldn't tell me. I keep insisting that he tell me. And he told me that people were calling me a retard. I just broke down into tears and left the apartment, went home and cried. The next day i was so upset about it i told it to the guy who works on the reception and he said to me "your brain works slower than other people's. You're not a retard you're special". That's when i literally got fed up and left the place and i had a breakdown. I haven't worked since... it's been 10 years.

dReM · ‎17-03-2021

Wow. Reading some of your experiences makes me wonder if I am just a delicate little butterfly.

I have called out my bosses - business owners generally - in several jobs that I've had in the past, mostly for unreasonable workplace demands (generally including ethical or moral concerns). I've found that they have generally not been receptive to it and are quite happy with what they expect of me, and even to perform the role themselves... And that is how most of my jobs have ended.

Currently at this point in my employment again and am seeking help, here and elsewhere. Trying to work out if I am my own worst enemy...

ypla · ‎17-03-2021

I had this experience where a senior engineer would make me repeat my task after him word by word. If I got it wrong, he would make me repeat again, word by word.

Cee123 · ‎18-03-2021

After everything I went through all those years ago, it still affects me today. I feel like it's contributed to my low self esteem, social anxiety and depression. And just the thought of getting another job is bringing me into a deeper state of depression and giving me panic attacks. I'm worried it's going to be a repeat of everything I went through. I think I developed some kind of PTSD both from that and the bullying at high school. For a long, long time, I was getting flashbacks and nightmares. I spoke to a therapist about it years ago, and she kept brushing it off, saying "ah you'll be fine". All she said was that I needed to move past it. Are you serious? Kind of hard to move past something when there's so much unresolved trauma and pain. I was also getting extreme anger as a result of my experiences. Nobody understands if they haven't gone through it themselves.

CalmCat · ‎18-03-2021

Hi Cee123,

Thank you for such a personal post!

I hear you, I too were bullied and the lasting effects still hinder today. But they have diminished over the years, I can recommend to keeping talking about it with your mental health support! The more you talk about it, the more you release it!

And as cheesy as it sounds, time does heal all thing!

Stay strong and let us know your thoughts.

Regards,

CC

Cee123 · ‎18-03-2021

CalmCat, thank you!

I really appreciate your kind words. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you too. Hope the experience for you wasn't on that level. Good to know the effects have diminished for you. It's hard I hope you get through it too. I tried to push it to the back of my mind as much as I could. But now thinking about the possibility of having to get a job again is bringing it all back again. I don't really have any mental health support, apart my doctor. Saw a therapist years ago but that was expensive and didn't help that much.

But talking to you guys has helped. Talking to my family has helped. They have been the biggest support for me and my dog. What helped you get through it? Nothing happened to those guys, while I suffered over the years because of the things they did and said to me. Things aren't fair but hopefully there's karma just around the corner.

Thank you CalmCat.
You stay strong as well.
Thank you for your kind words and support.

Succulent Queen · ‎24-04-2021

Hi Tony,

Thanks for recommending this thread in response to my post on workplace bullying.
I did like your idea in Part 1 of creating a protective wall where you either let people in or turf them out. Part 2 however allows for a nice compromise on the black or white action of either keeping people in your life or turfing them back over the wall. In my own experience, when feeling alone/lonely and craving connection, it can be too easy to let the wrong types in and too hard to turf them once they've revealed themselves. At times, my need for company has been so great that I've put up with flimsy characters rather than respectfully moving on. There is what I call a half-bully in my workplace. Someone who quietly sides with me at times and then sides with the bullies at other times. This person really shouldn't be getting further than the foyer yet makes it into the lounge room because I'm so alone at work. Importantly, you mentioned dignity as this is what I lose every time I let this person in. Self dislike and shame is what I feel every time this person leaves to join the toxic group. There was also another good point where you mentioned snooker with your FIL in order to remove yourself from a foreseeable toxic encounter with your wife's auntie. I will be practicing this method of gracefully removing myself from toxic social environments in order to retain my dignity. It is something to do in all areas of life.
I hope a couple of good characters make it to the loft.

Succulent Queen · ‎17-09-2021

Hi All,

I just wanted to update this post for anyone who comes across it and finds it useful to know what happened.

Like most people here who've responded, I also had to leave my workplace. My manager didnt make any genuine moves to correct the bullying and subtely but surely chose to replace me via her inaction. I had been a casual worker there for three years and performed well and although she recognised this, she did not take steps to help me. Being a casual I had no proper ground to go up against bullying behaviour and people were lining up for my job. It was easier to replace me than deal with the source of the toxic behaviour. Months later my work situation has not recovered and Ive lost a fair amount of confidence. I really didnt think that what I was reading in the replies would happen to me. I thought I would keep my job and be treated fairly and respectfully by my manager. It's been a huge learning curve for me to learn that employees (casuals) can be so easily disposed of regardless of the results we achieve for the company. In the end it was my decision to leave in order to retain some emotional sanity. I was never officially sacked but certainly pushed until I couldnt take anymore.

I want to add that I'm grateful to everyone who replied to my post. I've read you stories many times over these past months and the similarities and honesty has brought me alot of comfort. So thanks all.

Anonanon · ‎05-11-2021

I currently work with someone like that. She's really the same as me but for some reason she thinks she's the boss of me. Doesn't help when the actual boss gets her to do her dirty work. I've stood up for myself and questioned their work practices, and I found out today she's been gossiping behind my back. (I've resigned now because of the toxicity).