What should I do?

[TheKingOfHearts]

Hey guys.

I'm back again.

and I’m now trialing more antidepressants not sure if I’ve mentioned it but I’ve tried a few medications that ended up giving me really bad anxiety and the other one extreme tiredness.

so now I’m waiting to see the doctor to change antidepressants.

i also suffer from autism and schizophrenia because one mental disorder isn’t enough for one person apparently.

and I’m really struggling with the problem of things never going to be okay or perfect.

I find the idea of having a life less than what I want it to be extremely hard to deal with and it causes me a great deal of suffering.

i see my cousin having this beautiful lavish life filled with three houses, cars for the entire family, three two week long vacations and expensive purses along with the trifecta of health, good looks and love and I am very jealous and envious of her.

I want that, I want to experience the good life, a life of wealth and health.

happiness in a word is wealthy to me.

sure wealth doesn’t buy you happiness but it makes life a thousand times better.

and the thing about me is I’m poor, I’m in poverty along with my mother, I hate having this broken down stuff, the fridge, the slow and weak, thin water etc

i wish for a better life and it’s not just the wealth, it’s the health, her and all her kids have great health.

buy I don’t, I’ve got mental and physical conditions.

I’m sad all the time especially because of my lack of energy, the fact I cannot even get out of bed, shower, cook, clean, work etc I’m on the pension.

i have no friends and no family besides my mother and those on Facebook.

i have no lover and no past relationships, I’ve never had a boyfriend.

And I’m over it all, I also especially hate my side effects

the dry mouth, the hunger, the weight gain, the inability to enjoy a night out because I can’t drink.

its terrible so I’ve come back seeking more advice.

what should I do?

I have asked for various advice before but all about bits and pieces now here is the whole story.

what would you do in my situation?

when things will never be perfect, when I will always be unhealthy and poor and chained to my meds like a slave to the medical community? 

[Croix]

Dear TheKingOfHearts~

I've read your other posts and know that life has handed you a very hard time. It's most unfair.

The side effects of medication can be so hard to live with, I remember a couple that made me very bad.  I do hope the next one actually does some good without all the side effects you mentioned. I eventually found one and have been on it for years, it made a big difference ot my life.

Plus when you add living on a DSP with your mum it places so many things outside your reach.  It is no wonder you wish for the moneyed life like your cousin.

I found when thing were at their worst I needed an escape, and found it in reading, different worlds where there were not such limitations and I could loose myself for a while.

Then I found I could do something part-time, and that gave me an interest, a reason to get up in the morning, and some pretty good people to talk with.

I'm not suggesting either of these is practical for you, all I'm trying to say is for you to see if there is something you like - at least once a day. I use evenings so I have something to look forward to during the day. Your likes will be different from mine, so I'd only be guessing if I made suggestions, computer games with others, talk back radio, TikTok - I dunno.

If you would like to keep talking here you will find it a friendly place

Croix