what if i’m just faking it?

[shrivelled_mushroom]

hi

i’ve been diagnosed with depression. but i look at all these other posts or hear all these stories about others with depression and their situations seem so much worse... i mean i go to a good school and i get good marks (even though my marks have severely plunged since i got depression) and my family is loving and safe and secure and my family is well off enough and i have enough to eat and a warm bed and no addiction or anything... what if i’m just faking it?

i feel so guilty for saying i have depression when others have it so much worse. i have no reason to be depressed. i mean sure, sometimes i feel really sad or empty or mad or even suicidal but come to think about it it’s probably just the moody teenager inside of me. and the times i feel ok i’m always worrying that maybe i’m not depressed after all and my parents are just wasting their money on the psychologist and my friends and family are just worried for nothing. and then i feel selfish which leads me to feel depressed. and of course i don’t want to be depressed but sometimes i feel... almost relieved to be feeling depressed or something, like i’m proving to myself that i actually have depression which is selfish and spoilt and stupid and ironic of me.

gosh i hate myself. i swear i’m just making this whole depression thing up and i’m actually 100% ok. like why am i wasting peoples time on this forum anyway? i have no extreme problems, my only problem is my selfish character. i don’t know what’s wrong with me and i can’t tell if i’m faking it or not. i probably am faking it all and just using it as an excuse for my dropping marks and withdrawal from friends at school. i’m such an idiot.

sorry for wasting your time. can someone give me an answer... am i really faking this whole thing??

[Guest_1643]

hey !! Welcome!!

Wow did your post resonate with me - and I have a lot of feelings on it!!!

I felt the same as you most of my life.
It really prevented me from getting help. I didn't think my problems were real. A psychologist told me I had PTSD and I never believed them because I thought that couldn't be right - only ppl who were veterans, had lived through devestation, had lived in dire poverty, ect could have PTSD. So I didn't get help.

You are definitely, 100 percent not faking it.
Anyone can have depression and when I hear some of the things very ostensibly "priveleged" people have gone through I am horrified... mental health doesn't discriminate.

Do ur family/parents make you feel that you can't be depressed because you have a lot going for u?
It's got nothing to do with what you have going for you. It's to do with how you feel inside, in all honesty.
Your pain is real and please don't gaslight yourself. Believe yourself and be your best advocate.

[shrivelled_mushroom]

hi sleepy21

thanks for this reply it really helped to know that there are people out there who understand. it is nice to know that mental health doesn't discriminate... that thought comforts me a bit.

my parents are super supportive but that's another problem: I lie to them and tell them I'm getting better and I feel like I'm not. so right now they're super happy for me and glad I'm getting better and I don't think I can approach them very easily about how I feel. which is why I've been turning to friends and stuff which is really selfish of me. my feelings are probably authentic NOW, but I feel like every time I start feeling sad it's because I want attention, and THEN I actually feel sad afterwards.

idk I'm just really confused and I feel really guilty right now so sorry for ranting or whatever. but thanks 🙂

[Guest_1643]

Hey Shrivelled Mushroom -

I like how you express yourself - thanks for your reply 🙂

It really resonates with me. Absolutely have felt like that before, and felt guilty like I was not truly struggling or deserving of the help, attention and concern that comes when u seek help. I guess in my head I imagined some really serious case of needing support - and that I was somehow not like them.

Also we have in society incorrect ideas of what struggling with mental health looks like. It looks however it looks. I am actually much more worried about ppl who will not get help because they are not sure if they are unwell or not. Or if they meet the descriptions of what they "should" look like as a person who is depressed or unwell.

I doubted and didn't believe myself. I have been to a mental health hospital 2 (soon to be 3) times - and I can assure you I felt like I was faking it and didn't belong there.
when I was there I met so many different people - people who were from very very priveleged backgrounds, people who had great friends, great families, people who struggled with drug addictin, loneliness... so many different manifestations. I belonged perfectly and got what I needed.

It's human to want attention - you're allowed to want attention. Everyone needs attention sometimes. It's okay if sometimes you just want to vent, or aren't sure if you are depressed, and just need to talk it through. Even not doing if you are depressed or what is going on is very stressful and you totally have a right to speak it through.

it sounds like you want to make your parents proud and happy - which is awesome. But first most important is to make yourself happy. It's okay if your path is bumpy and ur not happy immediately or it takes time.

I definitely, wholeheartedly don't believe you're faking it- and think it would be really really mean and telling of a person if they did think that of you. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You don't need to look or be a certain way to need mental health support. It's okay to be you and be honest about however you feel and it manifests in ur life. Any answer is okay 🙂

[shrivelled_mushroom]

hi Sleepy 21

thanks for that reply. it really helped.

the mushroom 🙂

[April30]

Hey Shrivelled mushroom,

Far out I know how you feel. Being so worried what if you're making it all up cause you 'should' be fine, but you're not but you should be. An feeling guilty cause you know there's people who have it heaps worse. I know for me I felt all that and it did not help me that my parents never took me seriously about it when I mentioned anything about I think I have anxiety they'd be like Nah you're fine. So I always felt like I must be making it an my my depression all up then. Even though multiple doctors had said I did have depression and anxiety. But cause since I was a kid I'd always just been told Nah ya fine, I felt insane cause I should be fine but I'm not. An it really sucks.

But yeah. You don't have to have had something terrible happen to you or have an awful life to be depressed. Someone once told me depression doesn't need an excuse. Cause I'd always felt like what the heck I have no excuse to be depressed and all this, I have a good life an stuff, but yeah, you don't need an 'excuse' to be depressed.

I don't know if that helps at all haha I don't really know what I'm saying, just that I felt the same about was I actually depressed or just making it up. But yeah.

Hope things will get better for you.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have been on both sides of the fence. As a teenager I became extremely depressed at one point but never told anyone. Like you I had a loving supportive family but didn't want to upset them by telling them what was happening. I got through on my own but now decades later I'm struggling with MH issues which are being made worse by the coping strategies I learnt when young. It is really hard to change now. Perhaps if I'd got help years ago I'd be in a far better position now.

I have a son who has MH issues. For a long time he hid them from us until things came to a head. I wish he'd told us earlier so we could have helped more. I really appreciated him opening up so that we could discuss what was happening & we could support him as he sought professional help. Once he was opn & honest with us we could know what we could do to help but also what didn't help.

My message to you is to be honest with your family even though it is hard and be honest with your psychologist or other health professionals. Getting help now may help you avoid getting worse and I'm sure your parents would prefer that. Good luck. I really hope you can get the help you need to feel a lot better.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome.

I will tell you a little of my story but first I don't think you are faking it. Like you and sleepy mentioned I thought it was something others experienced going through bad situations. And yet here I am.

When I first saw my psychologist she told me to go back to my GP to get a mental health care plan. Her diagnosis (for lack of a better word) was major depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I was seriously not expecting that. Everything I experienced up to that point in time was normal for me - well, I thought it was. Yet compared to others it was not! There is more to that story which can wait.

My parents gave me everything I needed.

A child of overly protective parents or overly strict parents can also have MI issues.

I was also likely to"get" it because my dad had issues as well.

It doesn't matter what brings you to that low point, the thoughts and emotional pain are real in the sense of you having them. With that said a thought is just a thought and does not define you. Be kind and honest with yourself and your parents.

Tim

[Guest_4643]

Hello shrivelled mushroom, I like your username. Welcome.

I don't think anybody is faking mental illness (although a so called "therapist" told me I was when I scored a 50 on the K10 test which is the highest score), it's not something people could fake, therefore I don't think you are. If you feel depressed, I would suggest trying to find a GP you feel comfortable with, and/or if you feel comfortable with telling your parents. But no pressure, just a friendly suggestion.

Everybody's depression and other mental illnesses are different, just like what helps them whether it be meds, therapy, anything.

I hope you can find some answers.

[mocha delight]

Hi shrivelled mushroom I have to admit that before the end of June last year I to felt like I was faking it & unworthy of getting help at first as I know I was only slightly depressed that was until I had a very bad experience with my first gastroenterologist (have a new one now) before I was diagnosed with coeliac disease & GORD (autoimmune disease side of acid reflux) last year at the end of June. And yes I know I would of definitely ended up were I am now but way later down the track but because of having a very bad experience with my previous gastroenterologist I feel like she brought it on way to soon then it should of happened ie the depression ect ect ect and yes she’s not the main reason but a really big part of it. 2 weeks before covid 19 was first mentioned I did a k10 quiz & got 42 or 44 on it, my psychologist did a quiz with me last time I saw her which was before Christmas the results came back as clinical depression ( I think severe depression is another name for it) and last time also sometime before Christmas my gp had me do another k10 which I got a 45 on.