What does depression feel like?

[Kombivan]

what does depression feel like? I was diagnosed with anxiety but I'm worried I also have depression. i really try to be positive. i try so hard but i dont think im trying the right things. i need something else in my life, i fear im going to regret not doing everything i wanted to do and try. i often want to cry but the tears just dont come out. I feel like if i cry, my tears are fake. The thought of crying feels like its a waste of time, or like these tears are wasted on me. I should let someone else who's struggling more than me cry them. ill be happy but there are these dark thoughts always sitting in the back of my brain, telling me i shouldnt be happy becuse i know i did bad on a test that im still waiting on the results for. Or I'll remember that soon ill have to come face to face with someone I really dont want to see. I feel like the little kid inside me has died. the part of me that always thought i could do and be anything. Im facing reality now and I realise that stuff is hard. and i dont think im tough enough to get through. I dont think I can do uni, and i dont think i can keep working in a job where I feel like Im reading a script over and over again as I make small talk with customers. I stop feeling real. I got this feeling when I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface at work. Its like while I was working, i was in a trance and when I saw myself in the reflection, i suddenly remembered where i was and what i was doing. Life feels so different now Im officially an adult. Im finding fewer things to get excited about. im worried all the time, and this picture of who i want to be in my mind feels so out of reach. Impossible even.

Is this what depression feels like?

[Sophie_M]

Hey Kombivan, thanks for joining us here on the Beyond blue forum. We can hear that these feelings you've been experiencing are affecting many parts of your life, and we understand that this must be difficult. We think it's great that you're so proactive in seeking help and that you are willing to examine your own feelings and behaviour. Can we ask if you are receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

 

[Noot]

Recently I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and have been taking antidepressants for more than a week. For me, depression is hopelessness and loneness. It's extreme sadness and tiredness all the time. It's lost of all the motivation. It's the inability to concentrate and do stuff. It's giving up on everyone and everything. Luckily, I have some amazing support around me. With the additional help from medication and professionals (my gp, my counsellor and I am trying to make appointment with psychologist), I am slowly getting better. At least I can see more hope that is ahead of me. Good luck Kombivian. I am here for you too, if you want to talk. If would be good if you talk to your gp/psychiatrist more about how are you feeling.

[Rarra]

It sounds like the world is a bit scary for you at the moment, and I feel ya! Depression for me is sometimes waking up and feeling so overwhelmed and deflated by life before I've even opened my eyes that I don't want to ever leave my bed, and these feelings of hopelessness that tell me there's no point in doing so. On those days I still do leave my bed, but I feel like I am wearing a mask when interacting with other people, kind of like you talking to customers and feeling scripted. It does feel 'not real'.

I was diagnosed over a decade ago, and have had periods of peace, and ups and downs since. It is helpful to talk to a psychologist. In my experience they have helped me to look at my condition in a more scientific way. Its hard to understand why we feel like this, but there are explainable reasons behind our brains behaviour, which I think helps me to not beat myself up so much about my feelings. Have you been to your GP? It was scary for me not only to accept help, but especially to actually go out and seek it but it was necessary for my healing.

It can be tough to force yourself to be positive, don't be upset with yourself if you can't, sometimes feelings must be felt, and just know someone else is feeling them too. I can guarantee you that you are tough enough to get through it. Be kind to yourself.

[Not_Batman]

Hi Kombivan.
a lay person can read all of the facts signs and symptoms of depression, but not entirely understand how a depressed person is feeling. Sort of from a lack of empathy, which is not their fault.
sometimes trying explain it is very hard. It could be like explaining the colour red to a blind person, or the sound of a waterfall to the deaf.
having both anxiety and depression, isnt fun. Id wake up in the morning and be in fear of going to work. Id be at work in fear of making a idiot of myself. I couldnt focus, id be erratic, short fuse, have a case of the cant-be’s. Work would suffer. Id try to leave social situations. And id run away and cry for a while.
At home itd be similar. Id cry for no reason, i got upset because the vacuum wouldnt work. I felt likevi was failing at everything. Self. Esteem and confidence was gone. Didnt want to do any hobbies, just lost all motivation, joy, and wanted to disapear. Lost friends. I couldnt get out of bed, i couldnt get warm no matter how many blankets, or how hot the bath water. The list goes on.
Speaking to a close relative, their diagnosis is the same but their experience is so different. The way that they dealt with it is different to me,
Now, i still have anxiety and depression, but work on identifying the triggers, and strategies to help myself through. Some days are fantastic, some are average, and some are downright pains. I started looking through the forum last week because i was feeling down, and needed some help. This week im able to share my experience in the hope of helping someone else.

dont keep the feelings bottled up. Talk to someone about it. If there is nobody close, jump on the BB forum again. I have found a great deal of helpful comments on here.
NB

[quirkywords]

Noot

I want to welcome you to the forum. It is so kind to make your first post to share your experience and help others.

I am glad you are getting help and support.

Kombi van depression feel different for everyone. Other people have offered you support.

[Kombivan]

thank you all for sharing your experiences and kind words. it has really helped me understand what I'm feeling as well, as much of it is similar to you. I have spoken to the gp about my anxiety but haven't really addressed depression. I really struggle opening up about these things to people face to face (online is so much easier!) But I think if this gets worse I will speak up about it. I'm feeling incredibly tired all the time, although I get enough sleep, and my motivation to do uni work, or anything for that matter, feels non-existent. Is there any advice anyone can give me if you have experienced this? Is constant tiredness a symptom of depression? Because it feels like even just thinking about uni makes me feel tired, and i know it's bad but sometimes during my online tutorials I fall asleep and I also take naps throughout the day when I get stressed. Any ideas about what I could do whenever I feel this urge to sleep to escape the world?

thanks again for your replies everyone.

[quirkywords]

kombivan. For many people tiredness and lack of motivation come with depression.

Is it possible with your online tutorials if that are not live to look at them in small parts like lots of 2O mins instead of a couple of hours or how long they last for

I found breaking any task into small steps helped me and did not feel so overwhelming.

Also going for a short walk even around where you live if you don’t want to go far. or a few easy exercises nothing hard . I used to match up and down the hall way and do some simple stretches.
I used to use sleep when I didn’t want to face something. is it possible to have a short nap say 20 mins instead of an hour.
If you cut and paste what you have written here and out it in to point form you could take it to the dr and use the list to help you explain how you have been feeling.
Not sure these thoughts we’ll help because everyone responds to different ideas.

Thanks for your posts as many people read here and don’t post and your words will be helping them.