Well I got tripped up but took notice.

[giggles]

I had depression in 2000 so 16 years later at a time I was doing all those positive things everyone suggests and actually felt safe and happy to do them. I meet alot of people who welcomed me with open arms to now the complete opposite.

It all started getting my attention through my thoughts and me basically fighting myself but to the point it was just way to uncontrollable.

I sort help bringing my partner with me because I was so desperate to get help which I have now received. On that note its so interesting when I mention whats been going on with me to selected people they mention me having courage which off course I laugh at because I certainly had more to be scared from just from myself at night and in my dreams. I think I am getting what they mean now bit like the Lion in Wizard of Oz.

I went onto medication which helped me sleep but too much still.

I have some medical conditions as well which are chronic Type 1 Diabetes since 2 and heart disease By pass in 20005.They do not cause this though to me.

Its all about thoughts on the negative for me and then I go into an instant feeling for the thoughts. I reckon its crazy stuff because I do not understand why now and I am a person who is about solutions. I enjoy arts and crafts and am quite capable of creating things. But for this to happen now just took me away.

Interesting enough I am happier in a supportive role for others but that just might be the problem.I purposely took myself out of society because of how I was feeling.

I get annoyed when I am told its chemical stuff cause I wanna know what chemical is doing that then?

I have always seen my Diabetes as saving me because no matter what is going on I always look after it by doing the injections everyday and looking after it the best I can. Its my personal sign that I will be ok and I have broken down what I can do everyday. It is not how I use to be though I guess I miss the old me. Who knows a new one might come along or at least an answer be nice.

Its tough out there when this happens society do not know how to respond I get it so I have selected who to talk too because I am not here to change society. I know they too are getting on with life in their way, i might need to find mine.

Well I hope this helps someone it helped me to write a tiny little bit today so cheers for starting this forum.

Hope to be giggling more soon.

Meds are helping me so thats a positive so far.

Giggles

[White_Rose]

Dear Giggles

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's lovely to have you join the group.

You post is positive which great, even though you are struggling with a few issues. Just as a matter of interest, my depression started in 2000 and I have developed type 2 diabetes, which I hate. So far no heart problems, fingers crossed.

May I ask what sort of negative thoughts you have. Are they about you, the world, family etc? No is an acceptable answer. You say you are receiving help. Is this from a counsellor? When you first became aware you were depressed did you see a professional mental health person? I ask this because if that person was helpful, it may be a good idea to return for more counselling. Sadly depression seems to hang around like bad smell. I know some people say it is always with us and that may be true, but we can learn to live with it in order to get on with our lives.

Interesting that you say you are changing. I have found that since I left my husband, which sound reasonable, but it's deeper than that. I have a couple of volunteer roles supporting other people and that gives me great satisfaction. Perhaps we are twins? 😊

As we get older (I have retired from paid work) there is more time to do those things that soothe the soul. My depression has been triggered again lately by an event and I struggle to find my way. I have started to see a psych on my doctor's request, well more command really. Don't tell her I said that, she is a wonderful person.

I have also had the comment about courage and I am never sure what to say. I love your Lion reference and I find much truth in that. What I show the world is not the same as when I am on my own. Lion was told to believe in himself and I wonder if it is as simple as that.

It is very wise to restrict discussing your mental health issues to a few trusted people. I have found it's the easiest way to lose friends, rather those you thought were friends. Having a network of support people round you is always good. I used to find it hard to ask for help because I was unsure of the response, but now I have people I can talk to and that's great. What I have to remember is to talk about other things as well.

Finding an AD that helps is wonderful. I tried many but they either did not work or had horrid side effects. Now take one that is fantastic.

Thank you for your message of hope. It would lovely if you continued to write in here and perhaps you may like to read other threads and respond to them

Mary

[giggles]

Hey Mary

Thank you for replying it truely touched me as l have purposely retreated from public due to this returning.

You reminded me of me with all those questions that my dear is my mind as soon as l wake up.

l begain ADs 2 mths ago counselling next month.

l hope l find my answers as l have failure and disappointment ruling me so l am still the scared lion shhhhh.....don't tell anyone.

l naturely dream about how l want things but nothing ever eventuated for me regardless of efforts.

Mary l feel nothing prepared me for this off course we all know now what it feels like and its power over us.

If l could kick someones butt l would but there it is l can not justify being angry at someone it managed to fester inside all by itself. I should name it Fester from Adams family.

Loads of people say l am deep but l can not be anything else so l get what you mean by deeper.

It has been all thought based for me then feeling then confusion. I would wake up with horrid thoughts pulling me down. Quite incredible stuff considering l have been one of the classic listeners in life Mrs Fix it! Ha what a laugh now.

My usually coping skills gradually withered away quietly. Funnily enough l still care for others just can not afford their lifes spilling into mine. I will not trust due to last friendship l had.

To be honest now days my health sees me very limited to time due to tiredness l personally hate that fact. I use to love walking but that has been cut down due to leg probs. l love nature fullstop.

l dream of putting a fullstop to this event in my life but it appears to be more complicated for me to do this. I have broken things down like cleaning my cuboards this sort of thing helps but l just have to strike when iron is hot then feel better after is vital, too me.

How have ADs helped you?

All the best

Giggles