Troubles at Work

[Janeie]

I'm struggling at work.

my relationship with my boss has got under my skin so much that whenever I have to spend prolonged time with her I want to go to the bathroom and cry as soon as it's over.

I feel like I have so much to give and so many ideas but am shut down all the time. It's not like she's 'evil' she's just not in anyway interested in people, in developing them, challenging them, nurturing them in fact it's the opposite - we are cogs in a machine.

i know it's my fault and I should look for another job but my confidence and resilience has taken a beating. I moved house recently and am still feeling very unsettled and am struggling so don't feel I could take another big change 😟 Plus I probably couldn't find a job anyway.

I feel like I'm being miserable and unprofessional. But don't know how to approach the issue or snap out of it.

[MickeyMooo]

I feel for you Janeie, I've been struggling at work on & off for about 18 mths, different problems to yours but I can relate to the anxiety, apprehension etc

Things I find that help me are reminding myself it's just a job (not my life) and although I need the job, I would survive without it; similarly in 5 years from now or on my deathbed, I'm not going to remember my job or the horrible environment.

Have faith in yourself and the work you do (you earned an award!) and remind yourself of that, you know your boss isn't going to give you positive feedback so work towards accepting that & don't seek it. If she's not looking for your ideas, accept that too, there could well be other factors involved that you're not aware of like changes in process, work groups, cut backs or changes in the way work is allocated. Regardless, work towards accepting that for whatever reason (it may not be related to you at all) she's not looking for ideas.

Perhaps when you're feeling more comfortable you could talk to her about your role, what's expected of you, and ask for feedback so you can adjust. Her answers may be totally different (and positive) to what you expect and how you feel.

Anyway good luck, I know it's not easy, I admire your strength 🙂

Mickey

I wonder

[Janeie]

Thanks both so much for replying.

I know I am catastrophising. Having you put it in perspective helps somewhat.

I know I need to stop ruminating.

I know it is what it is.

I just want to stop dreading going to work and I want to stop crying at work.

It's so unprofessional.

I want to be able to enjoy my time.

And I want to stop being anxious in life.

I feel so alone and lonely.

The approach I took in the past was to avoid my boss as much as possible. I don't think this helped my anxiety.

[Lucy3]

Hi Janeie,

You are soooo not alone 🙂

I hear you loud n clear.

In 2014 August 17th to be exact.... I will never forget that date. I had a traumatic work experience that left me not only depressed, anxious, suicidal and physically ( severely ) ill. I was being rushed to hospital with Laryngeal spasms ( I could breath in but couldn't get the air out ) all do to being in a panic. It was sooooo bad. And it was caused by work !!!! I couldnt understand it.

I felt like I had lost my autonomy, my ability to choose what was right and wrong, what was good and bad. I felt like it was all my fault and my self esteem was non existant. I had lost my power over my own life. Sounds familiar huh 🙂

I was pretty bad for a while and ended up taking 2 yrs off work on income protection payments.

I worked with my GP , psychiatrist and Psychologist and did some online courses to give myself the tools to gain back my sanity and my life 🙂

I am still on medication and still see a psychologist. But thats ok.

The main thing is.... Did i leave my job? No i didnt. Why? Because I love what i do and I know i am helping others. I am good at what I do.

Sooooo what did I do?

The break thru came when I realised " I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM ". It was not my fault. My work place was treating staff like they were robots. The expectations were unrealistic. Stress leave was high across the board. Then we couldnt take annual leave as too many staff were off sick.

So what did I do? I started to fight back. Yes I am stronger now and I wouldnt advocate fighting back unless you feel strong enough to do so. But fighting back no only helps you, it helps others who work with you and those who may come after you. I was worried about getting the sack, but I think they are scared of being sued. I am now working on my terms, I have control of my work life again. I am negotiating with the bosses dont get me wrong, but no way will they control my mind again, no way will i be submissive to them. I am strong. I can do it. Thats what I keep telling myself 🙂

Good luck..... I am new here but will always have something good to say. Chat if you wish

Lucy

[Janeie]

Thanks so much Lucy, the more people I talk to the stronger I feel.

[Janeie]

Soo I have been off the forums for while because things got better but now they are tough again (I actually think I am pre-disposed to anxiety and depression - it runs in the family).

I got a short term position which was extended and I had to quit my permanent position to stay on (my old boss made me chose and I couldn't go back to an environment which was so horrible for me) so now I have a job for a year and a half.

I didn't have the strengh to fight it.

I really want to beat the anxiety and depression but don't know how.

I feel really lonely.