Triggers- what are your distractions for recovery?

[white knight]

Do you suffer from triggers? What is a trigger?

For me, a trigger is a moment that panic can set in quickly. From that moment on it is a battle to overcome the fallout. Often a panic attack will accompany the shaking, the stress and for me anyhow- the overwhelming temptation to- cry.

Today it happened. My wife and I went for a drive for coffee. Lovely sunny winters day arrived at our favourite country general store café at a very small town only to see the "closed" sign. Ok, we'll go to a country house nearby where they advertise Devonshire tea. As we pulled up the thought came to me about cash. The other place took eftpos which is what we use all the time. This little place isn't likely to take cards. As the old lady approached I didn't have time to talk about it to my wife...in fact the old lay was impossible to interrupt so I could speak about the matter. On and on she talked as we walked about 50 metres to the "tea rooms" all the while not able to talk.

As we arrived at the rotunda I had to interrupt but the shakes started and I was desperate with wanting to ask my wife if she had any real money. So out it came "do you take eftpos" I asked. At that exact moment an old man called out to the old lady something about taking his dogs to a friends place. She walked towards him out of sight. So I didn't get my answer. This freaked me out more in frustration. I turned to my wife and asked her "I hope you have cash"? "Oh, she thought, "I don't think so". I had to return to the car where I found $8 in coins then returned and my wife found $5 in her purse. The old lady returned and we asked the cost of Devonshire tea and she replied "$16"- we were short $3. She was ok with that and being locals we'd make up for it when seeing her in town.

The event shook me up. The rotunda and nearby sheds had jugs as a display many of them so it was a distraction. About 20 minutes later I was 90% recovered. The overwhelming desire is to cry but being older and male it doesn't come.

Distraction is my tool for recovery. I don't think there is a better or faster remedy. Do you know of any?

Prevention is better than cure and having $50 or so on you is the preventative measure. We'll try and do that of course.

Feel free to contribute.

TonyWK

[Guest5643]

Family member birthdays on the day and leading up to are a massive trigger cause i don't speak to a single one of them. My ocd and anxiety is through the roof 2day cause its my ######! horrible dads b'day 2morro. Lynne

[Guest_9610]

Hello Helium

Re: OCD to the roof today..

Families are people who we are related too yet not all famlies we have a close relationship with. So why are you putting yourself in a situation that's going affect your health to a crisis mode?

Is it worth it?

As mentioned you had said you don't speak to any one of them. So, really the decision is yours entirely to participate or not.

What's more important now in your own personal life?

Your Health?

Or a family gathering of those you don't speak too?

I've dealt with many of those situations over the years & know what my Triggers are. To Remove myself from the situation is the Only way I could cope.

If you are unable to avoid this family gathering, what about those deep breath in excises which really does help with Triggers anxiety.

A'll the best

Amiella

.

[white knight]

Hi Lynne,

Correct me if I'm wrong but as a young man in finanial crisis one mothers day (my mother knew about it) was given a nice card written inside was "All my live, Tony"...to which she replied "where's my present"?

Such is the world of people with excessive expectations. And the children grow into adults with anger, low self esteem and continually try to patch up the damage.

What starts this anxiety? Fear.

Maybe you'd like to tell us more Lynee about your fear?

Amiellia, I've removed my mother from my life and you are right- in the case of narcissists etc it is the only remedy.

TonyWK

[Guest_9610]

Hi TonyWK

Am very saddened to hear you're saying that you had to remove your mother from your life. I don't know anything about your personal life & the relationship you had with your mother, but a few posts I've read on your page tells me you're no longer "this young man" anymore....

We all have our own stories to tell which at times is so deep & painful to even mention it. Yes, our childhood experiences often come out in the most unexpected times in our lives leaving us wondering the big question Why? Having said that, we all need to take a revaluation of ourselves of the "Person" we are Today & work on what's best or us.

As you had mentioned to Helium - Lynne, "Fear" is the biggest drawback from moving forward & once this Fear had been dealt with then only One can move forward...

Triggers/depression/anxiety/ocd/plus ther mental disorders are all so closely interrelated that by being on this Thread will help each of us to deal with Triggers in various ways,

Rregards,

Amiella

[Guest5643]

Hi Amiella and Tony.

You mentioned fear and moving forward. I honestly am trying. Maybe im being lazy and selfish and not trying hard enough. Tony you asked to tell about my fear, i have a thread 'my dog is my family' that explains alot, i realy dont want to type it all out again. Lynne

[Guest5643]

Hi Amiella and Tony.

Sorry i realised i misread your post and realised my post unitentialy sounds misleading. I have no contact whatsoever in any way shape or form with any family member. Family bdays are one form of trigger for my complex ptsd which can fuel my ocd, anxiety ect. Lynne

[white knight]

Hi Lynne

That's great I'll have a read. I understand your intensity of your triggers.

Amellia, yes I'm 63yo now. My whole world of emotional roller coaster changed around 12 years ago when I googled

Queen witch hermit waif

Unfortunately my mother fitted into all 4 characters but was in denial.

With my first wedding in 1985 ruined by her and my second then planned with her threatening to ruin that, I severed the relationship.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi Helium

I've just read your thread. Thankyou for having the courage to write it.

The most glaring thing that stood out was the odd vontact with your sister and how she must be full of revenge and lacking empathy.

I jave selecyed a few threads that I think will help you compartmentalise her.

Google

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Beyondble topic fortress of survival part 2

Beyondblue topic depression and toxic people

Beyondblue topic triggers that down you triggers that lift you

Beyondblue topic disowning a family member

I hope they help. I'm more than happy to talk much more about your struggles.

TonyWK

[Anicca]

Hi Tony,

Thank you for posting about triggers. I have been dealing with my own for a couple of months now. I get irrationally angry and will have an outburst in public against the person/s triggering it. I see my psychiatrist fortnightly and I always tell her if this has happened. She tells me I have overreacted and logically I know this. The last time she told me it was way out of proportion to the incident and that I was extremely angry. She said that it was a trigger from a very young age, when I had no control of situations I was in or decisions people made on my behalf. Her proposal is that I tell myself I am an adult now and I am in control. I respect my doctor and try to take her advice. I have Bipolar Two and unfortunately react before I think. The past two weeks I have pretty much hidden away with my dog rather than have to deal with any unexpected situations. I am alone and at 63 I seem to be getting worse.

I see my doctor tomorrow so I’ll have the opportunity to talk about it again.

Thank you for posting about triggers. It was exactly what I was looking for when I logged on. I am teary as I write this.

Best wishes to you,

Alison

[white knight]

Hi Alison

Thankyou for replying. I too have bipolar2. Yes, I do things without thinking and I'm 63yo.

like many mental illnesses we have limited ability to change the DNA of it all but we can change some things to make life a little better.

One thing my therapist a long time ago asked me to do was to ask myself if I'm being realistic. To freak out over dropping an egg is not reacting in proportion. Also, creating my own fear from possibles of fantasy...eg I took a sick day off...I wonder if my boss will knock on my door? Simply not realistic.

This places our minds in a vulnerable state. So we have to try to get things into perspective and react in proportion to the attack. If we succeed a bit, we cant expect to eliminate all over reaction.

We should ask ourselves "what changes are within our capacity"? And make that our goal. Any more than that you are introducing failure of changing which is unfair and not a gentle method of self care.

Are these the things you have difficulty with?

TonyWK