I was rejected before I was born. "A mistake", "an accident". When my mother told my father she was pregnant he kicked her several times in the belly in an attempt to abort me. Because I was unwanted I was made to feel like there was something seriously wrong with me, even evil, that didn't deserve to live. So I was always an underachiever and had no motivation to even try. Always felt like, and was treated like, the black sheep because I was very withdrawn and quiet. Was always the prime target for bullies at school, receiving even death threats. So I began running away a lot, and even though I wasn't breaking any laws the 'authorities' warned my mother that I would be "institutionalised" if I didn't "conform". So when I wasn't at school being bullied and threatened I had to be chained with a length of chain locked around my ankle with the other end locked to a steel post in the middle of the room. By the time I was 15 I had very little sanity left and was admitted to a Psychiatric hospital for "treatment". I looked younger than my age and the authorities, in their great wisdom, put me in with grown men, and therefore I became the target for every pervert and pedophile in the place. By the time I was 16 I seriously wanted to end my life. Thus the life-long depression, anxiety, panic attacks, no self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts. Whenever I tried to raise any of these issues with my mother, who is now 84, she would just yell, "I did it for your own good!" To date she has never said she was sorry and never will. My conclusion is that I must've been evil and deserved everything I got, and never ever deserved life.
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