Not feeling too good

[Jo3]

I don't know why but I have woken up and started crying (story of my life

That's all I seem to do lately is cry, think of something and cry. think of my childhood and cry. 

I have so many unfinished things that need to be completed but have no motivation to do any of them.  And then I feel guilty for not completing them and feel horrible, lazy and feel that I just can never finish something, to actually complete something. For eg. my eye pillows, I bought the material and the lavender oil, i sewed up the pillows but haven't bought the dried lavender. So now this project is in a bag and it will stay there forever. That's how hopeless I am, never can I do anything that I can finish.

I have all these grand plans but never once do I go ahead with any of them.  I don't have the strength or confidence to tell myself to just do it. Get up and do it. If pnly it was that easy. i haven't walked for a while and i need to. i know i do but just can't face the idea of going for a walk. i just stay inside and hibernate.

i now have three days off and i don't know what to do, i am crying.  i actually have a bbq lunch to go to today but not sure now if I'll go. 

I have so much pent up anger, hurt and emotions running everywhere.  So much happening in my life right now i feel like i;m going crazy.

i wish there was someone right now that could just sit with me and give me a hug. but that feels like a child. damn the tears are flowing ad i can't stop.

need to go, this is too hard, everything at the moment is too hard

jo

[HA1]

Hi Jo

I saw your other post also.  I am sorry that you are going through a bad patch.  I am not sure what to say to make you feel better.  But you will know that there are many out here watching over you and listening to you, wishing that they could be the one to sit down and give you that hug that you need.

There is nothing wrong with feeling like a child at times.  I am starting to think that it is not uncommon to have that feeling when you carry these illnesses. I certainly do feel like that - and when I get the feeling, it usually comes with a sudden rush.

Stay well Jo, and hopefully you decided to go to the BBQ and to be with people - although I know how difficult that can be.

Let us know that you are OK

K

[CrashCoyote]

xxx ooo

[dougall]

Hi Jo3 have a suggestion for the lavender pillows, as at the moment you can't find the motivation to finish them..You have three days off what if you bought some lavender plants and waited till you could dry your own lavender and put it in the pillows, this will then give you something to watch grow and benefit from.  Drying the lavender is not hard and if you would like any tips I can give you some.  Your day will get better all you have to imagine, when you are thinking depressing things, is everyone on this forum encircling you and sending loving, caring messages to bash up the bad thoughts.  Enjoy the BBQ if you go.

[Mal50]

Hi Jo3,

OMG! It's like you were describing me. I nearly cried as I read your post, but I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I recall my lost childhood, and pine for those long ago years, and wish I could have a second chance to relive them. Then just maybe it will make everything right. Like you Jo I have absolutely no motivation to do anything or go anywhere, or see anybody. It's a very hard rut to get out of. Take care.

[Jo3]

Thank you everyone.

Hideaway - I tend to be my inner child quite a bit lately, maybe it's the child coming out, I don't know. I really need to do some sort of therapy reg, this or start writing.

John - thank you, thank you, thank you.  I can just "feel" that hug you have sent me. You didn't have to write anything else - that was all I needed.

Dougall - that is a good idea, i will go and buy a small pot of lavender and I may need your help in how to dry them, thank you.  I did decide to go to the bbq yesterday and much to my surprise I had a good time.  I kept busy helping my friend organise the food, and now I am glad that I went.

Mal - I think when our childhood has been tormented by others it stays with us forever and no matter how much coping skills we learn, it's still there. Some days are better than others, some days are just black. I do hope you can see that there is a better life after our childhood traumas. I can see a glimmer of hope and I hope one day you can too.  Take care Mal

Jo xxxx

[Dreamer99]

Hi Jo3,

Your post brought tears to my eyes, I have the same feeling also. I have been battling depression and anxiety for the last 16 years and all I do is cry all the time, I struggle to get out of bed and I find I have no motivation.

I took this week of work after a chat to my boss who is aware of my condition as I have been feeling so down lately, I would start getting teary at work over everything and I just needed some space from everyone.

I feel hopeless all the time, I feel lost and feel that I can never reach goals and will never get anywhere and then I spend hours even days crying.

I have found two counselors who are helping me along with my GP who has put me on a new antidepressant and I am encouraged to try and write my feelings down. Its so easy to write down that I can and will do things but I find that I just cant.

BUT ... the more we keep trying, we will eventually get somewhere. I know you can finish the lavender pillows, it might not be today or tomorrow or even next week, but you can do it, you can finish those pillows. Whenever I feel its all too much and think I am going crazy, I stop and step outside for fresh air and close my eyes and just listen to myself breathing. That might sound strange but I find it helps me, it gives me that one thing I can focus on and do, even if its only for 10 seconds.

You are not alone Jo3, everyone on this forum is here and we all care. I wish I was there to give you a hug, sending you virtual hugs and hope that your doing better today.

[Chris_B]

Hi Jo and others, it looks like this thread is covering similar ground to this one here. I've closed this thread so you can continue to discuss these issues there.