The feeling...

[blankmind]

So you know that feeling where you just don't want to anymore, you just don't want to... anything... anymore. You want to get off the train and just be left in the calm nothingness? where you can just float and not have to? On top of that is the overwhelming need to get away, to be nowhere, to sleep for an eternity without interruption, to turn off and shut down. The numb feeling where you aren't sad, or happy or anything in between, you don't feel depressed, your emotions seem to have shut down, your body feels almost like a shell containing the destruction that bounce around inside your head.... it's like something is broken but you don't know what or how to fix it, or even if you want to. Being so distracted most of the time that you don't hear what people are saying to you for half of a conversation until suddenly the noise clicks in and you realise someone is talking to you and have been for the last 5 mins. The lack of concentration at work or while doing things, the inability to focus on one task without being distracted by something else. All of this while trying to put on a fake "shell" so you seem normal to everyone else including family, like nothing is wrong.

What do you do with that?

[White_Rose]

Dear Blankmind

Thank you for your post and welcome to Beyond Blue.

I have certainly been to that place, most of us have in various ways. What to do about it? My initial reaction was, I don't know. I have absolutely been there and it's very strange. For me it's only when I return to 'reality' that I realise I have been 'missing in action'. My phrase for this is "Off with the fairies", and I think it describes it very well.

I have mixed feelings about this occurrence. At the time it feels comfortable and comforting, yet it leaves a yearning to be there once you have returned, and that could be a bad thing. I believe we are not meant to float in the sea of forgetfulness for long. It's much like meditation in some ways. The difference is that meditation is an intentional process and very controlled. It helps to soothe the mind and strengthen it for the journey ahead.

Aimless floating is just that. No intention or positive outcome. No control over return to life and no benefit to the mind.

So I continue my meditation practice, with mixed results. Floating that just happens puts you there with no intentions. Meditation is an intentional journey that brings insight, but it takes time to realise this. And the more we meditate with intention, the less likely we are to 'float' IMO.

When we relax in any way we are giving ourselves permission to leave the workaday world and engage in an activity that panders to our senses no matter what the activity. We know that relaxing activities are variable. Sports, exercise, music, art, writing, reading, talking, dancing, watching the world go by. Everyone has a different list.

The point is, it is an intentional activity designed to give us pleasure. And I think that's the key to your question. It takes a lot of effort at times to be 'present' in the now. You may like to research Mindfulness, which is part of meditation. Mindfulness is a practice that keeps us focused on the here and now without the use of our favourite disguise, a mask.

To start takes a lot of energy and effort, which in itself is tiring and makes you feel like escaping in some manner. The trick is to work at it for a certain amount of time and then give yourself permission to relax with one of your favourite activities. Actually, I find when I am sewing I am concentrating so hard on what I am doing that I am practicing mindfulness with out realizing it.

So do some work on staying in the present and reward yourself.  It gets easier.

Love to hear your comments.
Mary

[Jacko777]

G'day blankmind,

Mary has some great ideas for you. Have you tried meditation? It has helped me a lot to train my brain to focus, to focus on the present moment and on the positive, off the negative. I think it could help you a lot.

It takes practice to sharpen your focus, you have to work on it. It might feel hard or awkward at first but it's worth it, to have awareness, to be ready to take on the challenges that life has to offer. Sounds like you are having a bit of a tough time, maybe it could be good to seek some help, find out if there is an underlying reason for this? With small steps you can come closer to greater happiness and purpose. Talk any time. By the way, you write very well, perhaps you could be putting this all on paper if you are not already.

Jack