The battle

[wilipena]

A few months back I went of antidepressants. Been on and off them since a teenager now mid 30s. The old signs slowly came back until I couldn’t get out of bed. I’m back on them now but still struggling as I wait for them to kick in. The side effects however are already back! I’m so sick of fighting. I just want to live and feel good. The only thing keeping my head above water is trying to not let this effect my kids. I’m trying to keep active and eat well but I just want to hide and sleep. I regret going off the AD. Am I really going to have to be on them for the rest of my life???

[Junior1962]

Hi Wilipena

I'm sorry you are finding things so hard.  Are you aware that many people struggle with withdrawal from antidepressants? Without more info I can't say if that is the case for you, but if you had been on a steady dose of your AD for some time, it's more likely that you have experienced wdl than a recurrence of your original depression.

Reinstatement can work but it takes time - just the same as when you first went on the AD.

I hope this helps. 

[geoff]

Hello Wilipena, when people feel as though they are beginning to feel much better, they believe they can quite easily stop taking their AD's, however this medication is keeping them well and those who decide by themselves they can stop, option have to go back on them again, and I'm sorry this has happened with you.

Sometimes it's hard to hide this from the kids because eventually they will pick up on how you are feeling and begin to ask questions which may be very difficult to answer.

Your doctor can determine whether or not it's advisable to decrease the medication or even come off it and discuss this with you, but taking them for the rest of your life isn't a big deal, as no one else needs to know, but if they keep you stable then that's what you are looking for.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[HelloGail]

Hello Wilipena

When I read your plea for help, it really tugged at my heart and need to reply. I feel for what you are experiencing. It was like reading my biography but I am now 62 and my daughter now 25. I was on and off a med in my 30's-50's. It was always the side effects I told my doctor, I went off them too quickly after briefly going back on them 2 years ago and it affected my muscle in my lower back, my thigh is still numb so be careful going off any prescription drugs. I have not had any since early 2020, it is hard but I fought back by exercise, sensible eating, gave up alcohol, do not miss it and caffeine, tea and coffee. I feel better, calmer but loneliness and depression creeps in. Meditation doesn't work for me, I can't sit still for long but I read a lot more now, visit library weekly but my recent eye surgery has delayed reading but I have recovered and still on steroid eye drops recommended by my surgeon, when I do finish the eye drops in the next 2 weeks, I have to go off the steroid eye drops slowly  as it is very serious it can cause complications and even death, cases have been reported. Maybe your GP could recommend a lower dose. I found when I drink tea and coffee, it over stimulates my already sensitive nervous system that I have stopped drinking them and have really noticed the difference, a little less stressed. 

[therising]

Hi wilipena

I feel for you so much as you face this deeply depressing time. My heart truly goes out to you.

I've found while some factors in life can be obviously depressing, there are others that aren't obvious. As a 52yo gal who can easily feel what's depressing, this has been deeply challenging on and off since my late teens. The mind/body/spirit approach has come to help me manage.

Mentally, there can be a lot of factors. Managing internal dialogue can be seriously tough. Changing 'What's wrong with me?!' to 'Why am I ticking the way I am?' has offered me some positive change. Going from sufferer to detective (determined to detect the reasons for why I'm feeling myself and life the way I am) means I can't settle for 'Sometimes there's simply no good reason'. Not true. There's always good reason.

Physically, the unromantic take on who we are in some way is...we're a big bag of chemicals/chemical reactions. Going from sad scientist to mad scientist, madly experimenting with finding the right chemical reactions, can sometimes lead to feeling a desired reaction. This is something HelloGail touched on, the chemical reactions created through certain foods, specific exercises etc. The chemical impact involved in depressing levels of sleep apnea and B12 deficiency are a couple of chemically depressing factors I've met with.

The 3rd can involve how we can naturally experience life. If we're born to feel then we'll feel what's depressing. A depressing lack of energy will feel depressing. One of my biggest triggers. If high energy levels are what connect us to life then we're capable of feeling the disconnection. If we can feel inspiration, we can also feel a depressing lack of it. If we can feel meds raising our energy levels then we can also feel the opposite. Feeling what anchors you to life (your kids) is so important as you work so hard on finding a difference.

Feeling our way through life can be such a deeply depressing and lonely experience until we find people who can feel life along with us ❤️

[JEF15]

Hi

i just want to jump to say how much I relate. I have also been on a AD from 19 to 30s, and tapered off last year. I am now 6 months plus being completely off. And sadly I’ve never felt so terrible. 
I’m so low and anxious 24:7 and the only thing that gets me going is my 2 children I’m trying to act normal for. Which is sooooo hard. 
I’m considering reinstating, and I’m sad about it as well, I think like you, is this me, for I need ADs always. 
Wishing you well