Tears Part II

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I think the last post of "Tears" possibly got too big for its boots ... not that it was wearing any ... it just slops around in flip-flops, or what Aussies call, thongs.  (Now I've got you thinking haven't I?  Who is this guy ... is he Americaan or something?)

No folks ... just a plain old Aussie boy, just thought I'd try for a bit of an unusual start to this post.  Seeing as I can't cry I may as well be silly.  🙂

And to answer some questions posed to me of late ... I am feeling, um, a little better.  But that comes and goes, don't it.  Had a rather crap day on Friday, but so far Saturday is going along much better - I think.  Have already been to the gym and smashed out a brilliant workout of chest and finished with biceps.  Two favourite body parts to workout.

This arve, I have a physio session ... and my physio is a wonderful person as well as being highly talented in her field of expertise ... she's almost like a 'closet' psych.  She's been awesome for me in the past.

Yes, I'm on meds ... each and every day ... and heavy amounts of them.  Take one variety each morning;  and then about an hour before beddy byes time, I take two other different varieties.  I often think when I hear of the awful struggles that so many posters have on this site where they can't get to sleep ... I just wish that their psych's or precribing authority would give them appropriate meds so that they can get to sleep as well.  If I didn't have these nightly tablets to take, then I would be one of the many who suffer to the trauma of not being able to sleep at night.

And let's face it, if you ever saw me, you'd be glad that I get a reasonable amount of beauty sleep ... otherwise it (I) wouldn't be a pretty sight !!

And before I wrap this Part II post up, yes, I have my psychologist appointment for next Thursday, 13th February at 10:30am.  And on that day, 23 years ago at 3:20pm, was the time that I lost my brother.  Not that I'm counting mind you!  😞

So Saturday progresses along ... little to smile about.  But hey, it's another day.

Kind regards

Neil

[Jo3]

Hey Neil my friend

I am glad to read that you are okay, not better but not worse.  Neil I feel for you so much; you are going through such a hard time lately and yet you always find time to come on here and reply to me and others.  I don't know how you do it.  And to go to the gym and do a workout - i don't know how you get the motivation.  I wish I had 1/2 the motivation that you have to get fit.

It's good that you have a psych appt next week; I'm sorry though that it is the same day as your brother passed away.  God Neil, I wish I could meet you because I would give you a big big hug and tell you that you are an amazing friend, caring, compassionate and very very funny and witty!!!

Today for me has been good so far - we picked up our son from the airport as he and his girlfriend came back from Bali, been gone for 3 weeks.  I missed him so much.  Came home and went down the beach for a few hours, relaxing in the water and trying to float my problems away.

Now I'm home and cooking pasta for my son as he has missed my cooking!!! Then his girlfriend is coming over for tea and maybe another swim down the beach tonight.

So that's my day so far.  Sorry I have digressed (as you would say).  LOL

Neil, pls take care, you have so much support on here

Joxx

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Neil,

I too would not be able to sleep except for my medication. It's a grand circus when you feel like you want to sleep or your partner has an afternoon nap and you just remember those days wistfully and sigh before going back to cat videos on the internet.

GA

[Mares73]

Hey my friend it's midnight Satuday night and although I'm completely exhausted I am also beyond sleep. Also my computer has died & so can't be fixed so I'm having to use the tiny screen on my iPhone which takes so long & is hard to read so please understand why there may be tons of spelling and grammar  mistakes. I'm due for an upgrade now but still trying to decode-I've always had iPhones but qasthinking of a change to Samsung Gallaxy note 3 or Gallexy S4. Any thoughts? At least I could type better on the Note 3 & like the stylass pen too. The phone comes  free as I'm on a prepaid $80 month pack agwith  $900 calls per month, free texts &  big downloading  amount (can't remember exact amount). Hey how sad is it that one of our core mbers has decided she can't be a member anymore. I've posted  to her that I'm  convinced it wasn't her own choice & that would she please   share with us (as she always dine) what happened & who I her-because whoever did hasn't got much understanding of the site. I haven't even asked how are you? I know you see a psychologist but what   about Pyschiatrist? So who manages & coordinates your care? Well I'm going to have a hot drink and try and set myself a 2am deadline to go &  lay down even if I can't sleep. Hope your sleeping peacefully as I write this. Lve Mares xxx

[geoff]

dear Neil, my esteemed friend.

Here I am typing and it's 10.00am but almost ready for my morning nap, as I can feel my eyes getting heavy.

It is with great regret that we can tell others who don't have this ability to be able to sleep, but it's because of all our heavy dosage of medication, so we are talking about one end of the spectrum, compared to the other end, and there never seems to be a balance.

Those of us who have too much sleep, would gladly give anyone those extra hours, but if you can't sleep I always had the radio on, as it would take my mind away from the problems, and if it's music you are playing, there will sentimental songs that hit you emotionally, so there will be tears, and tears 11, and tears 111. lol.

Neil what I am curious about are the sessions you and the others have with your psych when you first walk into their office, it would be the usual question 'how are you going', but do they base their questions around your major concerns, or leave them in the background and then try and connect them all together later.

With myself the range of problems was a huge and extensive amount that she had to try and sort through, and after 20 years it's no wonder 'she left the building'. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there

I think Tears II could turn into something totally different than actual the talk of tears ... and why not.  It's just a subject heading after all ... although way down the track people will see this subject heading (or do a search for tears) and lo and behold, they find Tears II and there's no talk about the wet discharge that emanates from our eyes.

Four people have posted to this point and 3 of them (us) are on tablets that assist us with sleep.  And so yes, Maresy, I really feel for you ... and I so wish whoever prescribes your medication, that they would introduce you to tablets that can assist with sleep.  Not sleeping pills as such, but something else that can assist you ... assist you with the feelings that you have.  Because you speak to me about being ultra wired and hyped up and nervey, and if someone came up behind you, you'd possibly bounce through the ceiling.  Well, yes, I'm like that too and even though I'm on meds for that;  but what I'm trying to say (always long winded of course) is that the meds I'm on for that allow me to fall asleep at night.  Tablets for nerves and anxiety - I'm not mentioning any brand names or anything, cause I think that's against the rules on this site, which is fair enough.

Perhaps I should have titled this topic, sleep.  🙂

Um, Maresy, I'm the most unco person there is with regard to the latest technologies ... my phone I thought when I first got it as a hand-me-down from my daughter was really cool - in that it wasn't as chunky has my first one and this one allows me to do text messages!!   Yes, that's how are unadvanced I am with phones.  So no good talking to me I'm afraid about what are the best varieties to check out.  But hey, I'm sure that might be cause for a good thread to commence if you'd like to - on the Community Boards, if another fellow traveller or a few, could offer advice about what would be a good brand, etc to get?

I'm going ok ... had my physio appointment yesterday which as good and re:  who looks after my, or coordinates my care ... that's a very good question, but honestly, it's really me.  See for the most part, I just live with this and I really don't feel there's any way out for me.  It's all encompassing and I'm just learning the best way to deal with it internally.  Yes, I have my GP, my psychiatrist and my psychologist ... I have good friends (but I rarely use them) because I don't want to bring them into the issue of it all ... and I have my own immediate fam, but again, I don't want to bring them into it all too much, and then I have my one close brother and his wife - and guess what, again, I don't want to bring them into it too much.

Why??   I honestly think that if I did, I'd slowly or most probably push some or all of them away ... plus I don't want to reveal too much cause they'll think I'm nuts/crazy/stupid for having these feelings.  Wow, I'm really unloading a little here.  I'm on a roll, so may as well get things out here.

So yes, I have I think plenty of supports.  I do open up with my 3 professionals helps and I find that I'm opening up here quite a bit as well.  In fact, far more here than with any of the friends, family etc, mentioned above.  So I open up here (although, yes, I'm still holding back a little ... and it's not that I don't trust this site at all because I do ... and I already know the level of support and care I have from you all out there ... it's really quite amazing) and I open up with my 3 psychs;  so consider yourselves in priviliged company.  🙂

Why do I feel I can open up here?  That's a very easy question, and I'm glad that I asked it.  🙂  Because here we are all like-minded creatures ... we all have the same inner feelings for the most part.  Sure we all come from different backgrounds, have had majorly different life experiences.  HOWEVER, it IS those life experiences that has pulled us here, that has joined us here together.  And I feel absolutely 100% safe here - and when I introduce myself to new posters, and I tell them about this site and how awesome it is, I'm am telling them from my inner soul and knowing full well that is the truth, the absolute truth and nothing but the truth;  so help me God, Allah or the empty sky - all dependent on what you may or may not believe in.  Slight digression to a small attempt at a mini lol.  🙂

Geoff raised an excellent point as well, regarding what I will talk about when I enter the room with my psych this Thursday.  But I'll save that for another bedtime story. 🙂

Cheers with water all

Neil

[Mares73]

Morning dear Neil, just a very quick msg-hope you re hanging in there ok. I'm about to go for GP appointment. Then at 1040am I see my pych -had nightmares all nite-very concerned about whether she will offer any sop port but I'm trying not to think ahead or ill be in despair. I will update when I get Bach home-roughly by 1pm. Lve Mares x