struggling with Depression and autism for a teenage girl.

[Anneliese]

Hey for anyone who is reading this  I'm turning 18 this year. I have been diagnosed with autism, ADHD and depression since I was three years old. I took  medication since was three for the past 15 years of my childhood life. I didn't notice these symptoms, well to explain it further they didn't bother me as much, but my parents have suffered a ton of shit from me when I was little, tantrums, excessive crying, and many more. but apart from that I was the happiest I had ever been, so much joy that I never felt sadness. As I grew older, at the age of 13-15 when my body began to develop into a woman, hormonal emotions were coming out (which was completely normal at the time) some days I would feel sad, angry, tired and helpless. and when I got my first period I experienced typical teenage mood swings, but as you know when a cycle is done those mood swings tend to settle. However, my 'emotions' wouldn't go away, instead they would grow stronger and develop bigger until I got so used to them that it just ended up being normal. my parents questioned me if I was bipolar or something because I had insanely crazy mood swings every five seconds, but I just told them 'I was tired and its normal..' years go by, and i'm age 16, I start to notice something different about myself, something that I don't recognise anymore. It started small, like with the crazy outburst of emotions, but then it lead to other things like; not enjoying what I used to enjoy...for me it was (videogames) and even when I tried to force myself into playing them, I didn't feel the satisfaction that I used to when I played them. it wasn't just videogames it was all my hobbies everything that defined who I was. it soon came that I grew to a lack of motivation I didn't feel like completing any daily activities that I used to do, I didn't feel like moving an inch from my bed I just wanted to sleep and escape reality and I didn't know why, by this I was angry and upset and confused. life wasn't living for me and it still isn't now.. the worst part is I can't figure out if this is just a normal teenage experience or heavy symptoms of depression. and how do i fix this... how do i fix myself? how do I just be normally happy?

[therising]

Hi Anneliese

You have a great sense of hindsight, being able to see how things have played out in your life up 'til recently. While where you are currently at and the way ahead aren't so clear, I feel for you so much while you try to make greater sense of them.

While a lot of our traits can add up to depression or ADHD or autism or a combination of all 3, you could still call them our natural traits. So, I suppose it could pay to question 'Who am I naturally?'. Btw, my almost 19yo son has been diagnosed with high functioning autism and my 21yo daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD but I still lead them to question who they naturally are. I do this because I feel it's important that they know. It leads them to better understand what they struggle with, what their triggers are and what they thrive on. These, I believe, are 3 key elements in establishing greater self understanding.

I can't help but wonder whether you are naturally a 'feeler' or a 'sensitive' (someone who's sensitive to what they feel). My kids and myself are this way. We can feel deeply and intensely, which can become depressing and anxiety inducing at times. While this may sound like a basic trait, being someone who feels, it is far from basic. When you can feel or sense internal dialogue, the side effects of certain belief systems, what your physical chemistry's doing or not doing at different times, other people's emotions, the impact of a lack of structure, a lack of direction and a lack of guidance, amongst a whole stack of other things, it can get pretty intense. It can also become exhausting. Feelers or sensitives have to manage life differently to non feelers or insensitive people.

When you can feel sound, there's a need to manage sound. When you can feel the impact of a lack of guidance, there's a need to find a guide. When you can feel a lack of people who can relate to how you feel, there's a need to find similar people who can relate and the list goes on. All feelings point to a need. As needs grow or develop, so too do emotions (those energies in motion that can be felt). It can help to choose what you're going to call a particular form of energy in motion or e-motion. Call it a chemical or chemical reaction or call it something natural. Either way, it's about learning to identify the kind of energy in play and the feeling it gives us. Dopamine or excitement, oxytocin or love, serotonin or happiness. The many causes behind such things or a lack of such things can involve the mind, the body and/or the soul (a natural element of our self). As we continue to develop in all 3 ways, life can definitely become challenging, especially without a guide, someone to help light the way.

[Anneliese]

I don't really understand what you mean... can you please clarify further..? i just need a better understanding 

[therising]

Hi Anneliese

It sounds like you might be highly sensitive to everything you feel, everything that takes place inside of you and outside of you. 

• While some people don't feel a shift in hormones (internal chemistry), others can sense the shifts very easily, especially when the shifts come with side effects
• While some people don't feel angering or depressing things that are said to them, others can easily sense the emotions that can be conjured through certain words
• While some don't feel other people's anger or sadness, some sense the anger or sadness in others easily
• While some don't feel the strong push to find new things in life, like new adventures, others can sense the push strongly
• While some don't necessarily feel lower than normal levels of dopamine in their brain (that chemistry that makes things feel exciting), others can sense the lack as being deeply depressing

It can involve a massive list in life, when we can feel or sense things very easily. The challenge can be about identifying exactly what it is we're feeling or getting a sense of. Once we can identify it, we can work toward managing it in a number of ways.