Feeling Empty & Lonely

[Elizabeth Louise]

Feeling empty, lonely and isolated again. I know alot of it has to do with me being a little tired and maybe a little hungry. Going to fix myself a snack. 

Its been 18 months post separation (6 mths post Divorce)

I have been doing everything I can to look after myself. Excercise has helped me so much. I have been training for the City2Surf and planning on running that this weekend. 

I have got back into my hobbies again like photography, but it doesn't matter tonight I'm still feeling so empty.

My children are with my ex husband this week. It kills me that I am here and they are there with him and I'm alone.

I miss my little family. I miss my husband. I wish we were a family again.

Does the emptiness ever go away?

We speak every day and I'm worried if I ask him to try again it will put pressure on him and might push him away. He's afraid of getting back into the same dynamic where he couldn't cope. He fears being together means he will die from stress. 

I'm either alone for dinner or visit my parents to have dinner with then. But I just feel that where I should really be is with my little family that I created. 

Life feels still feels so empty. 

Nothing really makes me as happy as excited as I used to be pre 2020.

I have tried to connect with friends but everyone seems to be busy to meet up and cancel last minute. I go out on the weekends I don't have the kids by myself either running, hiking alone, doing everything alone. 

When I have the children I'm usually stressed from their behaviour and they really trigger me when they fight and they dont listen to me. Its as though when I have the kids I'm anxious and stressed when I don't have the kids I'm anxious and lonely. It's one extreme to the other. I feel like I cant win.

I want joy and fun and excitement and it feels like I'm just not getting enough or getting very little.

I used to feel so much more happiness and joy and fun pre 2020.

I don't know what more I can do.

Please help.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Elizabeth Louise
 
Thank you for posting here and letting us know how things have been going for you. there is no doubt that you have had a lot on your plate and it is completely understandable for things to be feeling tough right now.

We want to acknowledge the huge amount of work you are putting into keeping yourself well. This can be incredibly difficult when there is that overwhelming sense of emptiness. We want to encourage you to keep doing these things to look after yourself. It can feel pointless when that sense of emptiness is so strong, but still so important.  

Separation and divorce is a major life change and undoubtedly one of the most stressful events one can go through. We hope that you can give yourself grace and treat yourself with kindness along what can be a difficult journey.

If you ever need someone to talk to, Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you and would welcome your call or online chat, any time it would help you to speak to someone.  

​​​​​​We’re sure you’ll hear from our community soon. It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums. You never know who might read this thread and feel less alone in their own experience.  

Kind regards, 
Sophie M 

[ABC01]

Dear Elizabeth Louise,

Reading through your post it reminds me of my brother. He has two children and his family has since split. Almost a decade now. It was only recently that he and I had a discussion, that I had no idea at all about.

How it deeply affected him on a level I never knew about,from face to face interactions. His presenting image left me with no idea how he struggled. I knew that he was struggling with his family being separated and how it all happened. But not how emotionally deep it runs. And still does today.

What you and he have experienced is a legitimate and valid loss. There are different types of loss and grief (not just death) and sometimes people aren't aware of that. There is many layers to it. Especially if it is significant event in your life. And it may be worthwhile to explore that.

I hope you find some answers soon.

ABC01