Struggling with being on holiday but feeling depressed (Bipolar related)

[Mimzie42]

Hello,

This is my first post. I am away from home for two weeks and staying with my husband who is working in Melbourne. I usually really enjoy these trips away as it gives me fresh places to get inspired by to write. I've been here since Thursday and am feeling increasingly depressed. Actually, I think I've been low for a couple of weeks with a small hypomanic episode just before Christmas.

To compound things our son and his fiancé had a baby girl a month ago and though we live just ten minutes apart from each other my hubby and I have only been able to see our granddaughter a few times. Both sets of families have been in different states, so it's logistical but it's been hard. I feel like life has taken such a dramatic turn in the past year, with being confirmed with Bipolar 2, generalised anxiety and panic disorder, the new family dynamics and also our 18 year old son diagnosed with Inattentive ADD and social anxiety. It's been a rough ride to be truthful and I just feel tired and lonely. I did the online depression test just before and it came up with 31, apparently quite high.

I have been walking at least 10,000 steps a day, eating healthy food, drinking water, trying to stay optimistic. I'm just flat and hope that it will pass. I'm also supposed to be organising to see my father's family for the first time in 27 years, and it's feeling very overwhelming. In fact, I think when I realised that it had been that long I noticed a shift in my mood levels.

I'm still taking my medication and trying to maintain some form of structure but just feeling unsure how to get through the current shift. Thanks for listening.

[Kazzl]

Hi Mimzie, welcome to the forum - how lovely to meet you. I have bipolar 2 as well - diagnosed early last year. It takes some getting used to doesn't it?

You know, it sounds to me like you're doing everything right - medication, eating well, exercising, maintaining your fluids, trying to focus on the positive, maintaining structure in your day. Are you sleeping OK?

One of the things I've found difficult to accept is that I can't predict or control the shifts in mood. And they can happen without any trigger (and with triggers too). So in a way, the good self care etc is about minimising the effects when they hit, not so much preventing them.

I guess I'm saying that sometimes, even at inconvenient times when we'd rather being doing something, we just have to ride them out and trust in the episodic nature of bipolar - that the episode will pass.

That said though hun, if you're sinking further and further down, or if you feel the low is going on too long, it might be time to speak with your doc again about your medication. It can take some time to get the dosage right, and sometimes we need our main medication augmented by another (I take a mood stabiliser augmented by an antidepressant).

Another thing I've had to accept is that I can't always do what I say I'll do - like organise an event. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed by organising to see your father's family, can you get someone to help you or take it over? There's no shame or failure in asking for help, it's just something we have to do sometimes, as someone would if they were experiencing a physical illness.

Making your mind focus on good things - happy times, good memories, people you love - can help counteract the feeling of gloom and the sense that everything's wrong. So, congratulations on your granddaughter! How wonderful! You will have much time with her in the future. Look forward to it and dream happy day dreams of playing with her.

I'm working on trying to replace painful or depressive thoughts that come into my head with new positive ones - something that reinforces what I can do, not what I can't, or remembering a good thing rather than dwelling on a bad memory. It's a cognitive behavioural therapy technique with, admittedly mixed success at the moment, but I'm still learning.

I hope that helps you Mimzie, and I hope you get back on a stable footing again soon. Keep talking to us here, you're amongst friends and fellow travellers.

Cheers

Kaz

[Mimzie42]

Hi Kaz,

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I suppose I am doing the things that I know I need to do. It's easy to get down and forget to be diligent I suppose.

I did end up heading over to my hubby's work and he showed me some cool stuff that he does (he's an engineer in live television) and it was a good diversion.

Thanks again. I know I need to chat with my doc so will do that next week. I'm sure that things will improve soon.

[Kazzl]

Hiya Mimzie - that's great that you got out, must have been interesting!

Yep diversions are good. I have to really make myself go out sometimes. I've become a real homebody since I stopped working in September. I think this time of year is hard too - the heat, busy places, full of people. Cricket on the tele haha (which I love).

I'm glad you're going to talk with your doc - do you have to have regular blood tests? I've become a bit slack with mine so will do that next week. It's a nuisance, but then again I always find the visit to the doc reassuring.

Take it steady hun, it will improve.

Always here if you want a chat.

Cheers

Kaz