Struggling to cope with Mum's depression

[Anon99]

Hi

My mum has been clinically depressed for about the last ten years, however over the last couple of years, and months especially, it has just seemed to become worse and worse. I used to be very close to my mum, but now I find it difficult to hold a conversation with her for longer than 5 minutes without needing to walk away. She used to have so much interest in my life and what I was doing, but now it's almost as though she doesn't really care too much, and is more interested in the things I've done wrong than right. The house doesn't feel like a happy place anymore and because of that I'm working as much as I can to avoid being here and dealing with the tension. I have anxiety myself and so it's very difficult for me to be calm and happy in my own home when there are people yelling at each other and constant tension, especially when my mum doesn't really acknowledge that anxiety is a real thing, but that's another issue in itself. I would say that I am the most understanding out of the other members of the family that live at home, as I've done research and have probably spoken to my mum about what she feels more than anyone, but I'm really struggling at the moment to cope with it all. She is constantly on a short fuse and the smallest thing can lead to a massive argument. It's been a while since I've had a conversation with her and not come out of it feeling stupid and worse about myself, and I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to upset her because I don't think she would take hearing any of this too well,but it's having a significant effect on my own mental and physical health, and it has been doing so for the last four months. She does occasionally see a psychologist and is taking medication, and I've also tried to make sure that she knows I'm available to talk anytime, but it only seems to be getting worse andI don't know what to do. Sorry if none of this makes any sense, but I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks

[PamelaR]

Hello Anon99

So pleased you found Beyond Blue (BB) forums. You'll find the people who respond are friendly, caring, supportive and respect privacy. We're not counsellors or therapists, just people who have experience with MI and are prepared to share our stories and experiences in the hope it helps others, such as yourself.

Relationships with parents can be hard going can't they? I do feel for you, as I too had difficulties talking with my mother. I can recall wishing we had a much better relationship and understanding of one another. Unfortunately that never happened.

Since your mother is seeing a psychologist and is on medication, then there could be a lot of baggage from the past being brought up in her sessions. This could be causing her particular behaviour at the moment, since you say it's only be happening in the past 4 months. One other explanation is she could have started menopause which can start for some women as early as 40 (sometimes younger, though rarely).

This doesn't help you though. And that is the important thing, you need to take care of yourself. Maybe it is a good thing for you to just walk away at the moment, especially while she is like this. It sounds like your immediate family are all a little upset. Do you have anyone you can talk to - friend, aunt, uncle, granny, grandad? I used to talk to my aunt and her advice was to leave the house and go down the street for awhile until things cooled down. And that's what I did. It helped me a lot - I wasn't quite so stressed by it all.

You haven't indicated how old you are. Is there any possibility of living somewhere else for awhile? You could also go to your doctor to discuss how you're feeling and to see if you're okay too. And to work out how severe your anxiety is.

Do you have any interests, hobbies, sporting activities, social networks that can keep you out of the house and away from the conflict?

Not sure I've helped you much. Others may have other suggestions for you.

Kind regards

PamelaR