Sorry not sure if this is classes as "major". I just need to vent.

[Flower1]

Hi everyone. So. New to this! So i'm a 25yo mum to a beautiful 2.5yo and am engaged to a great man who I will marry in 5 weeks time. And I feel sad. Majority of the time and I hate it 😣 I feel like I should be happy. I can't talk to my fiance about it because he doesn't understand it all, my brother has diagnosed depression and he's said he doesn't understand why he has it when he's got a great family etc. I feel so guilty admitting i'm sad 😣 just been slowing going south for a while now slowly. I get into sad periods then all of sudden I seem to "snap" back to happy and I feel all emotional and grateful for everything, but it goes away. Things i used to like doing I can't do anymore. Even tasks like cooking i used to enjoy i absolutely loathe doing it now. I feel drained all the time and just cannot be bothered cleaning so the house is always messy 😞 used to be so clean 😞 my fiance does not clean at all, and little one likes to throw things in all directions. I was trying to lose weight. I lost 10kgs and then stopped and i keep trying to start again but I self sabotage and go on a binge and then go eh well you ate something bad may as well stop and its just been thing cycle of this this whole year -.- i don't have support around me, my fiance says "do whatever makes you happy" but that's all, he wants different meals to me (but he doesnt cook) and my 2.5yo doesn't like majority of food so i have to cook 3 meals so i give up and just cook something unhealthy 😞 i constantly feel like people don't really care about me. Example, I asked my mum out for coffee this weekend but she said she needed to go buy shoes at local kmart (2 mins down road) so she can't this weekend 😕 my fiance used to tell me i'm pretty/beautiful, and used to say thankyou for doing things and genuinely mean it but does not anymore. I have 1 good friend. She's great but I know she talks about me behind my back. I thought i had friends at the gym. But i got a job at my gym, looking at kids (childcare worker in training) and now no one talks to me, they drop kids off, go to the class I used to go to with them, and then pick their kids up and go have a catch up together while I work 😞 so guess they totally forgot about me and I feel like that's fair enough because i'm not that interesting 😞 there is a group on facebook and they create events for catch ups and 'invite' all members who do the classes, and leave me out. sorry long post. I don't know if I should see someone or what 😣😣😣

[MsPurple]

Hi Flower and welcome to the forums. We are a peer based forums so just remember most of us are not professionals. You have come to a good place to vent. This is one of the reasons why the forums were made. That and for support and guidance

It sounds like you maybe going through a bout of depression (I'm not a dr but you sound like you have a lot of the signs and symptoms. If you go to the tab at the top of the page called 'the facts' you can do a 'k10' and that can give you a better indicator). It sounds like you may also be going through a bit of stress at the moment. Getting married in 5 weeks would be stressful in itself (I am a bridesmaid for a friend and I know how hectic it is). You also started working at the gym and you are struggling with every day tasks.

I just want to remind you that you shouldn't feel guilty for having these depression feelings. I know we all feel guilty, but that is part of the condition. Mental illness/depression/anxiety/etc can affect anyone, any age, gender, sexuality, race and it can come out of no where. It can also run in families (you saying your brother is affected).

I have a few suggestions which may help

1. Go to your local GP and book a long appointment. Discuss your concerns about your moods and your stress. They can make you up a care plan which can allow you to see a psychologist under medicare (note not all psychologists bulk bill, but if you need that let your gp know)

2. There some online counseling, short courses you could try if you are not wanting to go to the gp yet. I have tried one called 'MindSpot'. I am only in week one of five but so far it has given some helpful information. You can also chat to a therapist online if you need extra guidance and support. https://app.mindspot.org.au

3. Some people find coming to forums like this one helpful as they it can help them feel less alone and you can get support from others going through something similar. Also if you need to chat to a professional beyond blue also have a web chat online which you can access on the bottom left of your screen

With your relationship with your fiance, sometimes kind gestures can get forgotten when people are comfortable. He my just think it is implied. Have you considered talking to him about it? Maybe ask for his support in some of the house duties like cooking. Maybe worth a try asking.

Hope some of this has been helpful. Please come back and check in 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Flower1,

Welcome to the forums 😊. First thing first... Your worries are important and major.

Lots of people (me included) go through the phase of reading some of the stories on here and feeling guilty like "I'm not that bad... I'm wasting people's time...and my personal favourite... Others need the support more than me".

When I started here a CC told me I was a worthwhile person. It helped me so I want to share that with you too.

You are a worthwhile person.

And I'm glad you're reaching out for support. MsP has talked about the serious stuff about doctors and the checklist... Please take it seriously? What you are feeling is not ok. It is so hard to feel "allowed" to ask for help when you are still functioning.

But I've been there and what stopped me from getting the help I needed was the act. Minimising my problems to my husband. To my doctor. To my psychologist. It is hard to be honest because the stuff we need to say sounds so selfish and horrible.

When I finally exploded this is what I said... Does any of it sound familiar?

• I really feel like crap all the time.
• I feel bored and unmotivated and lonely and angry.
• I feel like running away.
• I feel like having a child sucked away my personality.
• I feel trapped and controlled and all I want to do is just sleep.
• I feel resentful of having to cook and clean and never get out.
• I feel jealous of others because I feel bored and boring.
• I'm sick of putting myself last.
• I'm sick of not being noticed or appreciated or supported.
• I'm sick of being the person "friends" only talk to if they need something.
• I feel like all the fun and excitement has dissapeared from my life.

It is easy as a mum to get into the habit of putting yourself last. The horrible martyr thing we all seem to do.

But you are worth taking care of. Your health is vital to your family. If you put yourself last it just gets worse (I'm right there with you Flower... SAHM of a 2 and 4 year old).

There are so many things I want to share with you. No idea where to start 😊. I'll stop waffling but it would be really nice if you felt able to keep talking.

I gets better Flower1. First step is the GP and a long appointment and brutal honesty.

Nat

[Quercus]

P.S My diagnosis was major depression if that helps.

What you're feeling warrants medical help ok please don't doubt yourself.