Can I just get it together?

[Pasha1234]

Hi,

i am new here and I am struggling.

I have a great life but 2 years ago I got to a breaking point and saw a doctor and then a psychologist. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I felt isolated. Ever time I went he would give me titles of books to read which I couldn't find the motivation to read and in the end I stopped going.

flash forward 2 years and I am struggling, I feel numb. I lost it at work and embarrassed myself and said some horrible things about people I like and about a job I used to like.

i feel constantly stressed and part of that comes down to keeping my mask on laughing at the right times and trying to keep calm and carry on.

i opened up to my partner and told him how I felt and he was great.

i made an appointment to see a gp and cancelled it in the morning and I don't know why?

i know I need help, I know I want to feel better but I have no motivation to do so.

i just feel so lost and unmotivated and flat.

[BballJ]

Hi Pasha1234,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for reaching out, that is sometimes the hardest step to take so be proud that you have reached out for help again.

Depression and anxiety can really take it's toll on people, I personally have suffered from anxiety for over 10 years and also add in some mild depression and OCD. It wasn't until I actually accepted that I had mental health issues and I worked up the courage to seek the right help was I able to finally get them under control to a point where I could live my everyday life without the mental health issues taking over. I think you may of cancelled the appointment out of fear of not getting the right help again. It sound's as if you didn't connect with your last psychologist and I was told by my GP when I first went for a referral that you do not always connect with the first psychologist you meet, you may need to visit a couple to find one you really connect with because when you do you will feel like you are talking to a friend. I cannot recommend enough that you re-book that appointment with the GP and get the help you deserve. I know it is hard to talk about how you are feeling and the mask can help so many situations as I know because I wore that mask for years and tried to use humour to cover up my emotions. I think it is great you have told your partner too, having a solid support network of friends or family is important when you are trying to recover for mental health issues.

Please, feel free to post back as much as you wish, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Pasha1234]

Thanks Jay. I have rebooked with a different GP who seems to have an interest in mental health.

I am just really over feeling like c**p all the time, feeling so negitive and tired.

But I know I need to do this as everyday is a battle and some days I am literally counting down the minutes till I can get into bed.

[MsPurple]

Hi Pasha

I am glad you have booked another appointment, especially to see a GP with a special interest in mental health. This tends to make one feel more comfortable. I did the same thing when looking for a new GP (I moved last year). I found she has been fantastic.

I can no emphasis enough how important it is to see the GP. It is so hard dealing with depression and anxiety alone. I did it for too long and ended up struggling at uni for it (I finished but maybe it would have been easier). Once I opened up, got help, and learnt what was going on I could finally deal with it. I am now ok with my mental health and am able to deal with it. My bad days now are nothing compared to what they were when I didn't have help. I don't know how I dealt with it so long.

I know it may sound like a fairy tale to you know, saying that it will get better, but trust me it is no fairy tale and it will get better. You just need to tools and support to make it so. I am glad your partner is supportive. Maybe if you are worried you can not go to the appointment you can ask them to drive you

MP

[Infinity1199]

Pasha,

I understand we're your coming from, I did the same thing.

When you feel trapped in a spiral, you try to stay in the spiral because well...you don't see a way out.

you unconsciously self-sabotage yourself because it makes you feel something, but this is a dangerous habit.

You'll start to sabotage yourself at work, you'll push away friends and family and you might even neglect your relationship with your boyfriend.

You have a choice, there's someone who's there to help you feel better, all you have to do is pick up the phone and dial their number.

Pasha, please phone your psychologist tomorrow and ask for another appointment, go to that appointment and make a standing one for whenever your free and need to talk.

You'll thank yourself everyday because you took back control of your life.

Good luck,

Infinity

[geoff]

hi Pasha, good replies from those above me, but when people book an appointment, then cancel it they are afraid of how to start the session, what to say and what you don't want to talk about because it can be frightening especially when you are meeting a new GP or psychologist.
The best option to consider is that you write down on a piece of paper what has been happening, what worries you, who are involved, and those deep down secrets you haven't told anyone else.
It's easier to write all of these down, so when the appointment begins all you have to do is pass this document over to them, this will break the ice for you, because you have been able to talk with them through a letter.
It doesn't make you freeze up when they ask you 'how can I help you' or 'what are you concerned about', then they will be able to address each issue when the time comes along. Geoff.

[Pasha1234]

Thank you.

i don't feel willing or able to go back to that psychiatrist but I am willing to try other options

[Ras2TheRescue]

Hi Pasha,

Try Westmead Clinical Psychology Centre at 02 9635 9966. They will see exactly what's wrong with you and administer the right treatments. I suggest you see a psychiatrists over a psychologist because the later will only try to understand your emotions and relate it back to your experiences. What they try to do is get you to self challenge these emotions which in my opinion is less effective. Once you are at a stage of little hope it comes down to things such as how your brain cells are communicating and self talk, breathing techniques unfortunately can't reset that. I think psychologists only provide a temporary solution. You need ACTION over ADVICE, a psychiatrist can get you this ACTION and you will feel you feel so much better and upbeat. Once you are in this trance you can take advantage of prescribed therapies that will reset your brain back to normal thoughts. By this time you should be able to do certain things consistently and regain at least 1 priority which will largely help counter your dominant negative thought. This priority could be being able to work and maintaining decent relations with people that matter. Once you start seeing improvement you will find motivation and this will drive in confidence to help you build back your life. I'm not saying this will change you overnight, it's not about instant gratification, it's about a long term solution to a very real problem. Another tip would be to NOT do things that don't come naturally, and NOT associate with people that don't connect with.

Key is to approach one step at a time and don't try too many treatments/solutions simultaneously. I don't recommend you hang out with other people with depression because hearing negative things won't make you go anywhere. Instead of trying to fix your own emotions go to the psychiatrist, though it sounds daunting I believe it's the best way to come out of depression/anxiety. If you get sweaty palms consider getting a botox, it's about a $1000 but worth it.

[Pasha1234]

Thank you for the reply.

there is a lot of information in their to take into consideration.

Just as an FYI we don't usually make recommendations about different services ect as we don't know where people on these forums live. (Check out the community rules above)

Hope you have a good start to the week.

[BballJ]

Hi Pasha1234,

I think that is great you have found a GP that is interested in mental health, that is really good, follow their instructions about what they think you should do. Everyday is a battle but every day is also a chance to get better.

My best,

Jay