Something missing in your heart?

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi,

Just thought I would ask if anyone has experienced a sense that something is missing. Like a part of you. You are not complete?Or you don't feel connected to your family (Or close to others). I feel this huge emptiness, that seems to only be filled with sadness. I
am crying all the time, for no real reason. (Apart from my diagnosis, Major Depression, Anxiety, Panic)

I grew up in the Catholic Church, moved to Pentecostal, but lost my faith years ago. (I really believed in God when I was a child) In fact, our family lived in a old nunnery at one point. Right next door to the church. I was an alter boy. See that proves, I'm worthy 🙂

But this emptiness. It feels like somehow I am disconnected with the universe (or other people) (If that's possible) But again, it brings with it sadness. (If I let it, and I do, because it feels right) ??? With that comes searching. You sense something is not quite right then ask "what's missing".

Something is missing.

Appreciate any thoughts.

Thanks

IF

[Guest_322]

Hi IF,

Yes but I'm tired so I'm not sure if I have read your post properly. I think that I understand what you're saying.

She was my mother, but I was motherless. I was trapped by her, but utterly alone. She would always be the empty bowl that no one could full. I'd have to fill it myself again and again and again.

- Cheryl Strayed

This quote sums up part of the feeling for me.

Turning in for the night now.

Dottie x

[Infinite_Faith]

Thanks for the replly Dottie, nice quote.

I guess I have the choice and freedom to fill it anyway I choose.

I see I am not alone.

Thanks

IF

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Infinite Faith,

Thanks for your post.

You are definately not alone in this, and this is really common with Depression to feel like something is missing. It's also really common to cry all the time without feeling like there's a reason behind it.

The way you talk about things missing remind's me a lot of Sylvia's Path 'The Bell Jar'. Her metaphor about being stuck in the jar feeling like an outsider to everyone else and that everyone else kind of has it 'complete' except her is something I (and many others) can relate to a lot. Sometimes people can find meaning or create meaning in things like movies, poetry and books. Maybe this is something you might want to consider.

You talked about faith in your post too; is this something that might be missing now that you have lost your faith? A sense of spirituality can be important for people even if it's not always tied to religion.

I can see you've made a few other posts here but just want to echo that talking about this with someone like a psychologist can help too; if you're not doing so already.

[Doolhof]

Hi IF,

A couple of days ago I saw a counsellor who helped me make sense of my feelings of disassociation, of emptiness, feeling like I have no value, no purpose, that everything is pointless and there is no hope.

Along life's journey I have hit a few road blocks, had some close calls, thought about death being better than life, had a marriage that I ran away from after a year as I was in fear of my life and had 5 pregnancy losses, two which were over 20 weeks so lawfully required a funeral.

The last day of January this year was nearly my last day ever.

This counsellor helped me realise that I had lost myself and who I thought I was along this journey. A lot of my depression is tied up to my grief. The loss of my babies, loss of the dream of what marriage should be in my eyes, the first marriage and the one I am in now. The loss of dreams.

She showed me some information on new ways of grieving called something like "The four Tasks of Mourning".

She asked me questions that hurt like crazy to think about let alone answer. It made me realise how messed up my thinking has been for decades.

Since the age of about 14 all I ever wanted to be was a Mum with 6 children. It was my desire to love and care for those children, to make their lives as wonderful, nurturing, exciting, positive and happy as I could. I realise this is the dream I wish I had for my own childhood.

So my thoughts, beliefs, expectations all through life have evolved around my desire to be loved and to be able to love in return. Since that dream didn't happen, I have been feeling lost and empty. Searching for something that will never be there in the form I had expected.

I have the chance to let go of all that hurt and confusion, to release the pain, learn to accept that dream has not happened, and look around me to see all that life has for me right now.

I understand the feeling that something is missing in my life. Now I have seen the light so to speak, I hope to move on through more counselling and reading about the Four tasks of Mourning.

This has been a long response! It feels like something I had to write.

Hoping you discover a way to find some inner peace.

Regards from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_322]

Hi IF,

No worries. I'm glad that I helped you feel that tiny bit less alone in feeling this way. It looks like others have jumped on board to offer you their perspectives, which is great.

The freedom to fill it any way you wish is a bit of a double edged sword in my opinion. You might not agree with me and- that's perfectly okay of course - but it's just my 2 cents.

Dottie x

[CMF]

Hi IF,

I just posted on another thread similar to yours. This is how i feel at times:

I know this feeling of being disconnected without knowing why. I ask myself 'am i depressed?' No not really. "Am i bored?' yes maybe. 'Do i think anyone cares?' no they probably don't. 'Do i care?'No

Sometimes i leave my house in a mess because no one will see it, no one comes over. I'm here but I'm just existing - no purpose,no feeling of wanting to do anything,. I'm just here.Am i tired? Am I bored? Do i have too much on my plate that i just shut down? I don't know.

cmf x

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all the responses.

I speak about feeling alone, others above have expressed the same feelings, yet we are not alone as clearly we have each other. It's sad how we can live on the same planet with so many people and feel alone. (Empty, unloved, worthless)

Maybe we are the ones who need to reach out? The more we reach out the more we find these feelings are common. (Maybe)

You know, I've always wanted to be really liked. Maybe if I was a nicer person, I would feel more connected. Maybe I haven't a clue what I am talking about.

I guess what I am saying is somehow, I am blaming myself because I am not the nicest human on the planet. Its my own fault I am alone.

So what's the answer, join a bowling club or become a guru. (How about a bowling guru?) 🙂 (It's hip and it's new. wink)

All I can say ask "Hello universe, can you hear me, me, me, me, me?" Still waiting for a reply.

In the mean time we have eachother.

See ya in the BB Cafe.

IF

[blondguy]

Hi IF

This probably doesnt mean much but your writing style combined with your humility and a sense of humor made me smile this morning in these wee hours 🙂

You wrote " if anyone has experienced a sense that something is missing. Like a part of you"

I dont know one person on these forums that hasnt experienced this hollow feeling of isolation. Depression is also part physiological (like diabetes or a serious infection) and needs regular TLC and sometimes meds too

I have posted on another thread of yours IF. I understand the dark clouds you have over you...now.....

I do feel your pain as have had acute panic attacks followed by depression since 1983 when I was in my 20's

You are a nice person IF...that I do know 🙂

Humans are all 'overthinkers' and prone to malfunction...I know I am...

Can I ask you what you like in life? Music....The Simpsons.....Gardening.....Writing.....?

Its your thread IF. You dont have to hold your hands over your face to show your pain......Its in your words

you are not alone here IF

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much. I was really moved, such a kind person. And I do remember the equally kind post another time. What you wrote means a lot.

So we all feel this same sense of loss, and you say it's also part physiological. (Well I didn't come here to learn stuff Paul haha) kidding 🙂 No seriously, I am learning stuff about my own illness that no one has ever told me before. So thanks, it's helpful. It gives me something to research.

My hat goes off to you though, doing this work you do. Wow. I mean even my head spins and I hit overload being here sometimes. No offence to BB (or you), I just mean thinking about this stuff, can be so mind taxing.

I see you are well versed in the panic attack. (I'd make a joke about them, but there is nothing funny) They are so frightening. You really had your first one young...that's tough at 20. I was like 30+, had never heard of a panic attack before. I thought I was going crazy. (I won't describe the symptoms) 😞 You had those attacks and you do this work??? If that's not a definition for a definite cure I don't know what is. 🙂 You must have a great understanding and handle on it to be able to do this work. Yeah? I am sure.

Paul, I'm a nice-ish person. (And I won't budge on that)

We are all prone to overthinking? I guess you are right. (though I would argue some don't think at all) This overthinking can get us lost, we had no map to follow. We trip ourselves up even, and get stuck. Don't know which way to turn. The mind is a curiously dangerous tool in the wrong hands Paul. 🙂

Thanks for helping me feel less alone tonight buddy.

Kind regards

Steve