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So Infuriated By Neighbours

Loveanimals
Community Member

One year ago there was an incredible storm here and the neighbours' carport collapsed and left tonnes of mud and detritus in my yard.( I have posted about this before ) At that time they immediately tried to put some onus on me.  They never apologised or did anything to remove the mess.  After investigating it transpired that their carport was non compliant and had no stormwater removal.  Hence the storm was the straw that broke the camels back as there had been 11 years of water running off against the fence.  When the neighbours learnt of this they were furious at me? Not my problem!  They then tried to get me to pay $25k to go halves in a retaining wall.  Again I investigated and it transpired that the house plans for their build (back in the '80's) had a retaining wall included....which was not built.  Needless to say they were angry about this ..again..not my issue!  They then tried to get $ from me thru the fencing act.   I consulted with my lawyer who stated the entire cost is theirs and in fact I could sue them for damages.  I did not pursue this,  in fact offered them $1000 as a goodwill gesture (?) which is the paltry sum I received from my insurer.   I sent them the letter from my lawyer explaining everything and they emailed me that they would accept the $1000.

 

Very long story...works began on the retaining wall/fence 3 weeks ago!  Understandably there has been noise and mess from dawn until early evening.  What galls me is that these works were to take two weeks.  It will be five weeks until completion.  The neighbours have not once informed me of what is taking place, and when.  On Friday I had a concrete truck blocking my driveway for over 2 hours.  I wanted to say something but the concreter was rough and swearing contantly and I was scared.  Further to this all of my washing was covered in concrete and I have had to dispose of some items.

 

I had a beautiful bouganvillea tree alongside my carport.  Doing the neighbourly thing I paid my gardener $50 to trim it back to allow ease of access for the workers.  I went outside earlier and it is dead.  It has fallen over from the stress of the drilling etc.  The workers were very apologetic.  They moved it onto the pile of dirt in front of my neighbours property.  I then went outside to collect my bins and the neighbour was out front doing same.  He totally ignored me and basically ran inside.  I would have expected some words of apology but no...nothing.  He is a gutless worm.  

 

I am so incensed at the lack of respect and regard shown towards me by these scummy people!  I have tolerated this for over one year!  Throughout this year I have witnessed their son throw their pool scum over my fence..they have used my bins for their rubbish...I have always been kind to them  When they went overseas last year I put their bins out etc.  They have proven themselves to be disgusting and disrespectful.  I am also very heartbroken as I am always the nice guy.  Look what that gets one.  I feel bullied, laughed at and am totally furious.  The one good thing is that I am seeing my lawyer next week.  I may well pursue civil action against these filthy things.  They should be sorry for messing with me.  But at the end of the day their messing with me has almost destroyed me.  I don't know....I will wait until next week to sort this.  After everything that has happened lately I just end up hating most people.  Also the people in my life who I bend over backwards for are yet again not there for me  That is good.  I now know that the only person  I have to care for is me.  I did ring Lifeline earlier as I was so absolutely besides myself.  The counsellor was great and reiterated I have to stop being so nice to everyone else and start being nice to myself.  My poor soul is very damaged and I need to restore it. 

5 Replies 5

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Loveanimals~

Welcome back. Actually your name is misleading and you not only love animals but humans too, and that can be a recipe for great unhappiness.

 

Most people expect others to behave as thay do, so if one is selfish or dishonest one expects others also to be selfish or dishonest.  And sadly there are many people in the world like that.

 

You have loving and empathetic nature, a desire to help others and have lived your life that way. So it comes as a shock to realise others are not the same - not even close. Over time that can be terribly wearing, even make one doubt onself and be blind to the good in the world by the strenght of the  bad.

 

As you have found out umpteen times no matter how much you give many people will simply take, and if you give more, they just take more.

 

The Lifeline councilor was right, if you can manage it change just a bit and not keep trying I suspect things would become better and less depressing. One rule that many adopt is to start off nice with a new person or organisation. Then see the response. If they return good then you keep it up too, but if they do not the you do not either. This may mean you avoid them, it may mean, as maybe in this  case, you take action against them. The most important thing is you strop trying to be nice as if it is not returned you will feel as you do now.

 

I've no idea if it is a good thing to engage in legal action, I do know it is very stressful and the law does not always go your way - even in things that seem open and shut. The only certainly is it can be expensive.

 

Tony W/K has given you some wonderful advice, and some of his excellent poetry. He is the human equivalent of that bird you should notice on your walk, one of the good and kind people (there are many).

 

Croix

 

 

Thankyou.  I am now avoiding the entire ridiculous saga.  I have no intention of getting money from these horrible people but I will have  my lawyer rescribe and rescind my previous goodwill offer.  

I wouldn't go so far as to say I love humans.... I do know there are some good ones but in my 57 years on this planet I can honestly say they are far and few between.  I am working on keeping my world small.  I love animals and nature.  I am very lucky to have a beautiful home that is surrounded by both! 

Tony is wonderful and very wise.  As are you.  Bless you for caring about me.  You reside within the very small circle that is good in this world. xxx

Dear Loveanimals~

While I wonder if you had been overgenerous in offering them $1,000 when you had your own matters to fix. May I suggest you simply get out of the whole thing as cheaply as possible.

 

Lawyers cost and while there might be a feeling of satisfaction in rescinding your offer I'm not sure it is worth the hassle. you will never change them and they might try legal means to enforce that offer.

 

It reminds me of two passages from the Desiderata, a soothing philosophy blank verse poem you may already know:

"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons."

and

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit"

 

I have it on my kitchen wall and often glance at it when the world's ills seem oppressive

 

Please don't change or become embittered, there are good people, often less visible than the bad, but present nevertheless

 

Croix

 

 

Dear Croix

Thankyou for your kind words and your advice.  I will not become embittered as I am not going to let this ridiculous situation lower me in any way!

Yes I was being kind offering them the money.  I am under no obligation to give them anything.  Indeed I am able to sue them for damages if I wish.  As I wish for a peaceful life I made the offer in good faith.  A small percentage of that offer was because I felt bullied and harrassed by them.  And it now transpires that I will have some costs as they have ruined my side fence and so forth.  So I have no qualms in seeing my pro bono lawyer to rescribe the original email.  As it was not signed by me it is not a legal document so they have no power over me whatsoever. 

I do like the Desiderata but have the following to say. 

"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." - The key word here is surrender.  I did surrender due to their harrassment however I refuse to do so now. 

and

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit" - Yes indeed they are and they are not legally permitted to cause me further grief. 

 

Therefore I will do the needful and I will be strong as they have caused me no end of grief, stress, anger not to mention mess, noise and inconvenience.  I am unable to change this font from italics hehe!

 

Thanks again. 

 

 

Dear Loveanimals (in italics:)~

I"m pleased you like hte Desiderata, it is a lovely way of seeing an alternate view or being able ot take a pace back.

 

Having a pro bono lawyer is an excellent thing, and I hope you do not have to give them anything despite your offer, they certainly do not deserve it.

 

I"m sorry you have sustained damage to the fence as well as the tree, let's hope it is not too bad. Do bouganvilleas grow wel in your garden? Would you like to say what colors you choose?

 

Croix