Sinking to the lowest of lows

[JoeFirefly]

Its tough trying to even put this into words. So many times Ive thought " Ill be ok. Something good will come along." In all honesty, it has been a long time coming.

Just by reading the front page of this website the alarm bells were ringing.

ive started my own business. something ive wanted for so long. working with such talented people. I have great deal of resources available to me.

What have I done about it? Nothing..

I have my reasons. Excuses some may call them.

I have to visit venues in order to get gigs for artists I have on my books. The thought of dealing with ppl causes me so much anxiety. I was abused and threatened by a customer a long time ago. I was so defenceless. I froze. To be honest I was flat scared.

Im struggling with so many different things. Im a complete wreck.

To get rid of the anxiety. I began to smoke weed. I haven't stopped for 5 years. Sometimes I want to stop. Most times I enjoy it. Even tho I know I shouldn't.

The tip of the ice berg. Im a compulsive gambler that has lost a lot of money over the years. Poker machines have pretty much ruined my life. I don't normally gamble in other forms. Like Id have any money left.. ( I have a sense of humor..)

I have a great family around me. But telling them this will disappoint them. Its not like they wont support me, im just afraid they will go overboard in their reaction.

I cry a lot. For a man to cry this much.. its not normal.. I know I need help.

[S_A_D_]

Hello Joe,

You sound like you're buckling under the pressure of your life situation. It seems that the stress of your circumstances makes you feel overwhelmed, and you don't know how to release this overwhelming feeling so it builds up and makes everything harder.

Correct me if I am wrong here.

So, how do we deal? Some use exercise, which is usually very mentally and physically healthy as long as the environment is safe. 

Some use relaxation techniques, like meditation and massage therapy.

For more severe cases of stress, I suggest visiting your GP and asking for a care plan referral to talk to a counsellor or psychologist.

Check out the section on stress in the "Man Therapy" section of Beyond Blue for other ideas and strategies.

[geoff]

dear Joe, well the last sentence says it all 'I cry a lot. For a man to cry this much.. its not normal', and it's called having depression.

Men are entitled to cry and much as they want, I do, and I am not ashamed one bit, and I may even cry in front of people, so what, it's a release of how we feel.

The stigma that 'men don't cry' is an old philosophy that were taught many years ago, back in wooden cabin days.

Your compulsion to smoke weed and to gamble are OCD traits, it's no different than to continually clean your hands, or to was your car 3 or 4 times a day, and they begin by your level of anxiety, and yours is very high, so to satisfy your mind you have to smoke and gamble.

I would just tell your family that you are about to have some counselling for some reason, like, you feel depressed, and I'm sure that they will support you.

You won't be able to stop by yourself, unless you are capable of going 'cold turkey', and to do this you need to be strong minded and focused on not doing any of these forced habits. Geoff.