Sehnsucht: An Epiphany

[interloper]

I've been doing a lot of reading trying to find a placeholder for how I feel. I came across a reference to 'sehnsucht'. This post is for those who haven't come across it before. It is a German word for an emotion that we don't have a direct translation for in English. It fits me perfectly. It is loosely defined as 'longing', but it is much more than this.

I found a paper that defined it with six characteristics.

1. Utopian conceptions and striving for an 'ideal life'

2. A sense of being incomplete

3. It transverses the past, present and future

4. It is bittersweet in nature, and can drive you in good and bad ways

5. Promotes reflection on one's life

6. Closely connected with symbolism

It shares some symptoms with depression. You are not happy. You see flaws in yourself that originated in the past and the impacts of them will extend into the future. You can oscillate between being energetic (sub-manic in my case I think) and deeply down. You reflect on life and its value.

But it is different. It is grounded in a positive origin: to seek a life that is a personal utopia, strive for excellence, or chase dreams. It is the nature of this reality that causes people experiencing sehnsucht to feel excited and energetic when their goals become closer but bitterly despondent when they realise that they will never reach it because it is impossible. It is like chasing the end of a rainbow. Also, these actions are not meant to produce a tangible outcome, but rather a symbolic one. Someone who is depressed and the catalyst for these feelings is a certain thing or things usually is looking for a simple cause and effect result. Get better job, earn more money, enjoy things. Improve relationship with partner, have more fulfilling relationship, feel better about oneself. With sehnsucht though it is not of this nature. One may strive for a better job for better pay to achieve freedom. Or want to improve their relationship with their partner to understand love as it relates to the human condition. These things can never be achieved fully, and so there is sense of disappointment every time there is a reminder of this.

[interloper]

I ran out of characters and had to add a little more...

Personally, for me, I am completely nihilistic and know that my life, along with everyone else's, this planet, and ultimately nothing in the universe has any meaning whatsoever. I need to have some meaning. I have tried to explain this to countless people and I keep getting met with the same thing. Just accept you place in life. Create your own meaning. Nothing you say makes sense, of course we have meaning... I have spent my adult life committed to trying to do this but nothing has satiated my lack of fulfilment. When I read about sehnsucht it fit me like a glove. A light went off in my head. This is me, this is the name of the thing that I experience. I never agreed I was depressed, and some said this was holding me back from recovering. Now that I have a name for something and I "know my enemy" I can address it.

Maybe... maybe this applies to you?

[aegidius]

My own experience of this is very like interloper's, but also remember that "having meaning" is a bit like "being interesting" - it doesn't happen without someone to "have meaning for", it has to be seen from another's point of view. I have to tell myself this every so often, so as not to spiral into the "everything is meaningless" dead-end. Those who have faith in God or a higher being(s) would at first sight seem to have an advantage, but they are not immune either, as faith and doubt are opposite sides of the same coin (I have plenty of doubt but little faith, just between you and me)

It's what the existentialists were saying. There is no meaning given to us from without - we must find it (or create it) for ourselves. And it's not always possible to do all the time, so don't beat yourself up if you can't.

[aegidius]

I went off and read the wikipedia article on Sehnsucht. Something I had not previously understood, was that it relates particularly to utopian or unattainable ideals - perhaps a melancholy over the failure (real or perceived) to achieve some ideal self? I certainly can relate to that, having always wanted (and not feeling successful) in achieving extraordinary things, or being an extraordinary person in some way.

[The_Possum]

Hey there

Thanks for this post, it gave me a lot to think about.

Do you think it could be tied to the modern day bombardment of media and advertising that constantly makes us feel inadequate and that we could be better than we are? Hence we are never satisfied with anything we achieve because there's always something better we could be doing?

We life in a superficial society. You can't open email, Facebook, instagram without having some form of advertising spruiking something to us. We need to lose weight, eat activists almonds, start a new career, buy the latest fashion, a bigger house, earn more etc etc

This is constantly putting doubt in our minds, as to whether we are really doing well at all, or are we failing and never quite cutting it?

For example, after having my two kids, I gained some weight and wanted to lose it to go back to the size 8 I was before kids. So I got an exercise program with a PT, saw a dietitian to fix up my diet and worked hard. I got back into that size 8 and felt happy with my achievement.... Well for a day or two..

Then I picked up a magazine with a woman who had 5 kids and how amazing her body was. She was toned, athletic, showed off her 6 pack and bronzed skin whilst she posed for the cameras with her 5 kids around her. Not a stretch mark could he seen. She was amazing.

ALL of a sudden my achievement was just rubbish. Did I set the bar too high and doomed to fail from the start, looking at this photo?

I think it's just a sign of the times to be honest, and if we keep comparing ourselves to others, we will never be happy or satisfied with any of our accomplishments. And do we really need to be everything and do everything we see?

As they say 'the grass is always greener on the other side.. Because it's fertilised with BS'

[aegidius]

Magazines inhabit a parallel universe all of their own. Your achievement stands tall in the real world.