Seeking help

[Tb12]

Hi guys I'm a 31 year old male from Melbourne Australia who has had a range of events happen that has lead me to this forum ...I have always believed I had struggled with depression and anxiety but I never seemed helped, I would deal with it by using alcohol or having people around me to take my mind off it, I have always had health anxiety due to being unwell and always think the worse..  I want to touch on a few experiences in the past 4-5years that has lead me to this point of depression that I have no idea how to handle, let me just say that as a child and in my teens I seen a lot and had a lot of family turmoil that I'm sure still is unresolved and lends hand to how I feel.. anyway in 2012- I lost my long time girlfriend to the jehovah witnesses and it was a lot to handle, I have had so many bad relationships and this one I thought was " the one" I understand break ups but this was way out of left field, I feel like I was completely lied to and I don't even know the women I was sleeping next to, she left for the witnesses and never returned or even returns my phone calls or texts it's like she never existed 2013- I wake up with a array of neurological issues out of seemingly what felt like no where, muscle tremors, jolts, twitches, weakness and are whole host of other things. I was rushed to hospital and for the next year was going through diagnosing testing for ALS a non curable disease that will kill you in four years, I still am ongoing with these symptoms today without a diagnosis but it am pretty much bed ridden most days, the dr's are currently sending me for other tests that are not very nice to have if they are seen as positive so my anxiety is huge and I don't know If all these new symptoms are anxiety physical manifestations on top.. 2014- I had one friend who was with me through all this he came into the hospital visits and what not and was there all the time, we had been friends for 15 years, closer than family and out of the blue he disappeared with a women he met and I have seen him maybe 2-3 times since, support totally gone. 

6 months ago dad died of heart attack, out of no where, I'm broken and have guilt over it.

 i am pacing a lot, I'm alone, can't concentrate, I feel like I need to check myself into a support centre if they even exist? I feel like I lost everyone close to me and my identity and my future health is so uncertain and I'm alone dealing with all this, I don't know if I can.. I'm not suicidal but lost.

[Jacko777]

Hi Tb12,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums mate, I am sad to hear your story. So sorry to hear about the things you have had to deal with, any one would be challenged by these things. I am glad you are here now, any time you want to talk we will be here. I know with support you can find ways to feel better.

I think you could ring the Beyond Blue phone service, it's free, 24/7, and there are professionals on the line that can help you to feel better straight away and help to make some fresh plans for your mental health recovery. What do you think?

Jack

[geoff]

dear Tb, what you have said would seem to be a nightmare and for you and it certainly is, and I want send my most sincere condolences for the loss of your dad.

We can never understand why a person could be treated this way and inflicted with so much pain and sadness, especially when a diagnosis hasn't been made, and I'm sorry I have no immediate answer to this, but you a bunch of friends here who will want to help you.

I'm sorry that your post hadn't been answered much earlier, because it's not that we don't want to, but other posts and time just pass on so quickly, so some posts get left behind.

Going for test after test must be exhausting, because you have no strength, but you want to find out what is causing all the trouble, just as your doctors want to.

There have been so many comments made about 'friends' who we have knowen for a long time, but suddenly just disappear, and unfortunately this happens time after time, and if we asked anyone who still has their friends after going through depression I'm sure you could count them on one hand, and this also applies with your girlfriend.

By you using alcohol is something which I can relate to, but there does become a time when you realise that the grog is only putting off your recovery, although it seemed to help me through those very dark days, but in the end I had to change my circumstances and understand that it was stalling my own well been, however you are in a different predicament and only until the doctors know what is causing this illness, it's catch 22.

When we are so down we try and we struggle to move on, but we simply can't, we have lack of trust, lost the thought that our 'friends' have gone so we are left alone in this very deep black hole, unable to crawl out of it, and unable to begin or where to start.

It always seems to be impossible to start this process, and yes there are times when we move one step forward, and then fall back, but you have to remember that this one step is still there and you can build on it, it will never go away, sure we may side-step it but eventually it's always there.

I hope that you can stay in touch with us and reply back. Geoff.