Really struggling today

[fifi]

having such a horrible day today 😞 and here i was thinking that i was having more good than bad 😛 well this week has proved me wrong . I am in a major downward spiral sitting here at my work desk finding it hard not to burst into tears and the anxiety attack that is going with it has my stomach in knots. my body is aching all over and i am finding harder to function as the hours roll on over the last few days i have had a heap of veins explode and my hands are now all bruised and extremely sore not helping at all . the stupid irrational thoughts are back and i find myself over analyzing everything i have types this post over 5 times 😞 just wish everything would just settle down i really dont like where my head is heading praying for a better day 😞

[--Danny--]

Hi Fi, I'm happy to hear from you! It sounds like you had a lot of information to take in...don't apologize for venting! That's what I'm here for mate!! Whenever u feel like getting stuff off your chest, just fire away!! 

I been good Fi! Still haven't drank in 82 days:-):-) not long to 100 now!! Other than that everything else is going along good...my depression has lowered which is good but anxiety still there..anxiety is a bugger to shake off!! 

Anyways, take care Fi & let me know how you are going x 

Positivity rules the world!!

Danny

[fifi]

hey Danny So proud that you have stuck to your guns 😄 you have to promise me something thou ! when you reach 100 days treat your self 🙂 you deserve it mate 😄 .

As for me i have crashed one week today until surgery eeppppp i actually feel really ill and really emotional gahhhhhh no idea why its not like i have not had the surgery before i know what to expect i know what the recovery time is i am almost certain that they wont find any thing other than the endro yet this lump in my throat is getting bigger by the min . I have tried to remain positive and had been ok but have noticed in the last few days my mood slips further and further down leading to today's messy fiona . I think it is making it worse that i am still un well after steroids and puffers and blah blah blah i am so sore from coughing that i can barley move so sorry for ranting just having a poor me moment thank god you guys understand and that i can talk about it without getting judged . 

I dont understand why everything has to be so hard !! i work so hard and fight like you wouldn't believe to be a normally functioning human but days like today its just not worth the heart ache. I struggle to understand why me what did i ever do to deserve all of the up upheavals that are in my path depression , endro and blah blah blah i know i cant give up and know very well that i am to damn pig headed to let anything beat me today i am just feeling totally defeated and would much rather be cuddled up at home in bed 😞 so sorry for the rant i do hope you are ok Danny take care of you buddy xx

[--Danny--]

Hey Fi, how's it goin mate? I hope you've been really well these last couple of days!! It sounds like u were struggling a fair bit a few days ago?? You have so much on your plate at the moment & u continue to keep fighting hard & not give up!! You're very strong & courageous Fi..your never say die attitude is contagious!! & I wish so many more members on BB read your posts & take away with them some of your resilience!! I'm wishing you all the best Fi!! You're an absolute champion !!

I have been going along ok, still haven't drank...I was at a mate's house yesterday & had a bbq..his girlfriend put a cold beer in my hand..I politely declined..she sort of looked at me weirdly & wondered why I dont drink...Cricket training starts this Thursday, so this is going to be a huge challenge not to drink after training on hot days & also after a days play on Saturday...but..I'm up for the challenge!! 

Fi, please feel free to vent as much as you like!! I'm here to listen & also support you through tough times!! Anyway Fi, rest up & take it easy ey..see ya mate 🙂

Much love x 

Danny 

[fifi]

Hey Danny so glad to here from you 🙂

and thank you your kind words and constant support is a great comfort to me 🙂 

As for being a fighter thats the only choice so i  will fight till i cant fight any more as we all know and have experienced some days it feels like its just not worth it. but if we fight the daemons a better day comes  

Surgery is booked for 11.00am tomorrow so we will be heading to brissy after work today 😕 eeeppppp freaking out just a little 😛 but i know i will be fine its just more the not knowing hahahah there is a little of my control freak side coming out lol

I KNOW EVERY TIME I SAY THIS BUT I AM SUPER DUPER PROUD OF YOU 🙂 you have and continue to stay strong and say no to the monkey on your shoulder 🙂 you are really doing so well and should be proud 🙂 I totally see what you mean about the cricket oh dear lol may i suggest soft drink ? lol pretty weak comparison i know lol but totally worth a try . Keep going my freind and you will be at 150 days before you know it 🙂 Belive it or not Danny you are made of really tough stuff and although we have never formally met i can see that you are also a fighter and will keep fighting till your last breath x

Never forget how awesome you are and what a contribution you make to those around i better get off here i have an absolute barrage of spray diary's to input so i can lax out for the rest of the week

So proud to call you a friend Danny thank you for always being there xxx

Much love xx take care of you

Fi xx

[Neil_1]

Hi Fi

Well I thought it high time to jump back in and say "Hi" - I know I've been away from your thread for a while - but it's been absolutely amazing that Danny has stuck with you right through.

And to Danny, man, I'm proud of you for your DOG days (Days Off Grog) - they're counting up to HUGE numbers.  Absolutely awesome.  Although must say I'm a bit disappointed in your mate's gf at the bbq.  I would have thought that your mate would know of your abstinence from the grog and would have thought he'd have told his gf - as a result, she shouldn't have even put it anywhere near you.  Good on you for passing it up.   Oh man, yes cricket days and beer.  We'll be here for you with that.

Sorry Fi - I did just want to give Danny a bit of a message as well for how brilliantly he's doing.

Ok, so the surgery is 11am tomorrow.  Is it a day procedure (or will you be in overnight - forgive me for not fully knowing the extent of the operation).  But that's another reason for coming here - to wish you all the best with it and to rest up - and hey, enjoy the lemonade icy pole afterwards.  With some of my latest operations, I always somehow manage to snare a lemonade icy pole.  Give me one when I'm just going along normally, and I'd probably chuck it back into the freezer - but after an operation I reckon they're like white gold. 🙂  🙂

Cheers Fi

Neil

[--Danny--]

Hi Fi, thank you so much for all your support & wishes 🙂 it really means a lot to me!! It definately helps me through the tough times so I appreciate it dearly!! You're a true warrior Fi!! Like an old school Trojan Warrior!! A true fighter, fearless, not afraid to face fear head on!! I really love the sport of boxing Fi, & although I've never met you in person, you remind me of a fighter called Arturo Gatti..he had the biggest heart in boxing...all the strong qualities you have...he took them into the ring..resilience, determination, heart, soul, courage, hope, never say die attitude!! Gatti had a few nicknames..Thunder,,,,the human highlight reel,,,sure, he lost a few fights but went down gun blazing swinging punches..this guy was an inspiration to millions of people!! He was the peoples champ!! Everyone respects him for his courage & heart!! He won world titles against all the odds!! 

Good luck with your surgery tomorrow Fi!! I hope everything works out perfect for you!! You will be fine mate 🙂 you have all my best wishes with you!! 

I am also very proud to call you my friend Fi xxx

Take care & love always xx 

Danny

[--Danny--]

Hi Neil, thanks for all your support & positive influence mate!! When I'm having days when I'm feeling like a beer...like today..I remember that I cant drink & let everyone who supports me down...I've been off it for too long now to wreck all the good work!! To be honest, I haven't really hung around my mates since I quit the booze so his g/friend wasn't to know...she was just being polite in offering me a drink..yeah cricket season is going to be the hardest...I will try & stick to water & Gatorade!! Anyway mate, enough of mu escapades, how is life treating ya mate?? How's things going??

Take care buddy,

Danny

[Neil_1]

Danny

Life still remains being a struggle - but won't go into it too much here;  as it's Fi's thread.  But it is a super champion effort that you're on at the moment - and no doubt, also your wallet is bulging a bit now due to the money being saved.  I hope you're putting some of that money away for something really nice to treat yourself with.

Fi, it's now Wednesday - and if I'm not mistaken, you will hopefully be in the recovery room as I write this.  We'll look forward to hearing back from you whenever you're ready.  But no hurry - we want you to be fully rested before returning.  🙂

Kind regards

Neil

[fifi]

HI Danny and Neil it probably eaiser if i just copy and paste the following .On the 4th of September after a long and painful surgery our dreams of becoming parents came crashing down around our ears . I had struggled getting pregnant and holding pregnancies for many years and found a clinical trail that could possibly help . All was going great my bloods were fine and the slight hormone imbalance that they discovered was well on its way to getting fixed things were finally looking up finally looking in the right direction or so it would seem . As i mentioned I was required to have surgery to remove my endrometriosis and prepare my body for the clinical trail that all ended on the morning of the 4th when the doctors came to my room and informed me that i had extensive endrometriosis more than originally anticipated and due to the amount not all of it could be removed . And also both falopian tubes were completely blocked i can remember thinking i was in a dream wanting to scream out WHY !! We are however very fortunate that they also found that i am a prime candidate for ivf there is light 🙂 So that is the story so far . They also found a large growth on my bowl so all in all the sugery was a massive stuff up although there is light i still feel all kinds of crazy 😞 on a positive we started fundraising and have had some generous donations so i am trying to stay positive at this stage virtual hugs to you both xo and thank you for being there xxxxx

[Neil_1]

Hi Fi

Hey, great to hear back from you.

Wowee, what a rollercoaster of results you received from this latest hospital admission.

I do like the sound of that ‘ray of light’ that you mentioned.  Damn awesome for how you described it – beautiful positivity Fi.

Although, I’m a little unsure about what you described as being a large growth on your bowel??   That doesn’t sound so flash to me – I hope I’m assuming wrong here.

I hope that you’re resting as comfortably as possible at present – and did you get a lemonade icy pole??

Kind regards

Neil