Really over the top mood swings and impulsiveness... what is it?

redsarah · ‎07-12-2013

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself here and hopefully find some interesting people to talk to who might actually understand me!

My name's Sarah and I have always lived under the shadow of mental illness. My father was clinically depressed which developed into some kind of psychosis by the time I was a teenager. It was incredibly challenging to live with him and I left home at an early age. He committed suicide when I was 19 and since then I have been involved in fundraisers for BB and raising awareness of depression and suicide prevention.

Anyway I have always been worried about developing these kinds of problems myself. I am pretty sure I don't have depression or bipolar, but I do have really intense moods that affect my daily life. I find that I will get really upset or really happy over the smallest thing. People always tell me I'm hugely overreacting, and I know I am, but I can't stop it. I only get short moods, like they will last for a day or two and then I will be myself again. I'm also really impulsive and make huge snap decisions, for example I will quit my job or end a friendship just out of nowhere, because I felt like it at the time. I even moved to another country once, just on an impulse because I was bored. Just got a suitcase and flew off and didn't come back for three years. I'm always scared that one day I'll get the impulse to commit suicide.

Other people don't do this stuff, but I find it really hard to explain to medical professionals. They always tell me it's nothing and make me feel stupid for going to see them in the first place. My friends don't think there's anything wrong with me either. When I'm in one of my moods they get mad at me and tell me to stop it. I'm interested in hearing what you guys think??

Jo3 · ‎08-12-2013

Hi Redsarah

Well done for coming on here and posting your story.

I am sorry to read that you have been through so much pain and loss in your life., Sorry to hear about your dad.

Can I just say well done for being involved in fundraising for BB and raising awareness for depression and suicide prevention. It is such a huge cause but one that needs more public awareness and reduce the stigma attached to it.

It must be frustrating for you to be feeling like this and finding it difficult to explain to medical professionals. Are you still seeing a psych? Do you find he/she is helping you? If not maybe you could see your GP and ask for a referral to see someone else.

Being in one of those moods, I totally understand because that happens to me quite a bit and I just want to sit alone.

I would definitely see your GP and seek help and treatment.

Take care

Jo

Beetle · ‎08-12-2013

hi redsarah

Before I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety I was also quite impulsive. the smalest thing did set me off, especailly when i was tired.I always thought i was weak since i couldt stop those outbursts and i felt very embaressed afterwards. My friends didnt think any of it either, it was just "me" for them.Now getting propper treatment and meds i can see that this impulsitivity was a sign of my illness. I can accept that now and feel kinda relief knowing what is wrong with me.the last 6 weeks i havent had any outbursts or major brakdowns( only one small short one) which is such a relief.I can only agre with Jo and see a gp. u may have to shop around for a good gp since many are a just not interested into mental healht.Good luck and let us know how u go

Beetle

geoff · ‎09-12-2013

dear Sarah, hi and welcome aboard, I wonder where you have been hiding, lol.

I'm sorry that I have missed your post as it's an important one.

The loss of your dad must have been sad, and he also suffered from the demons for a long time.

Your achievement in working with BB is a well deserved accolade and something that you should be so proud of.

People who have actually experienced this type of illness is a great addition to their team.

Firstly I don't like any professional who refuses to even talk to you about these mood swings, because there is something that doesn't fit and needs attention, and should never be ignored.

Can you google this 'have mood swings but I don't think I'm bipolar', as there are some interesting points made here as well as this 'I have mood swings am I bipolar'.

Basically it says that your not bipolar, thank goodness for that.

I'm no expert, but all what your dad had to go through with must have been a terrible ordeal for you to have to watch and really suffer from, so maybe in some way you are reacting the same way you may have done while you were with him, just saying.

It's great to have someone like you to be able to join us, as there must be so much experience you have learnt from being a volunteer. L Geoff. x

redsarah · ‎09-12-2013

Hi guys, thanks for writing 🙂 thanks for sharing too x

The main thing I have learned from being a volunteer for BB is that so many people have experienced problems like this or know someone who has. That makes it even more important to get rid of this ridiculous stigma.

I am still shopping around for a good professional to help diagnose me. I have seen quite a few and the closest I ever got was someone suggested I have cyclothymia, which is like rapid cycling mild bipolar. I think it fits, but I really didn't feel comfortable with this doctor because he acted like I was a freak, so I didn't go back to him. A few doctors have asked me if I have ever tried to commit suicide or self harm, and when I say no, they don't take me seriously.

Anyway like I said I'm still shopping around...

Cornice · ‎09-11-2014

Hi Sarah,

I just read your post and am curious if you have been correctly diagnosed yet. Although I don't know the details, it would appear that your situation is being confused which another common disorder that mimics depression. If you'd still like suggestions kindly reply. If not and you've been finally correctly diagnosed, I hope you're on the path to recovery.

All the best