Older Male depression, Any ideas how to how not to handle it?

[Levelup]

Hi I am thinking of going to a psychologist or counsellor for depression. 

They might ask 'what brings you here today'. 

This is my query. Is it better to talk of the issue, the real world face, the manifestation, what appears to be a trigger or the depression?

[therising]

Hi Levelup

I think a part of the role of any medical detective, mental detective or soulful type of detective involves getting to the bottom of the mysteries we can be facing in life. So, while we could see a GP who might look for clues as to why we're physically feeling what we're feeling or a psychologist who'll look for clues when it comes to what mental challenges we're suffering from, there can also be the kinds of people who can lead us to better understand what can feel soul destroying at times. I suppose the best place to start is with the truth, no matter what detective we've come to see. The truth may sound like 'It's a mystery as to why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, which is why I've come to you'.

Any good detective will ask leading questions (while looking for clues), which can lead us to open up, lead us them to revelations, lead us and them to make greater sense of things and so on. It's their job to unravel and guide us through the mystery or mysteries we're facing that are going to lead us to a much greater sense of self understanding.

Like with actual detectives who solve crimes, we'll find brilliant psychological detectives and ones that aren't all that great. From my own experience, you can get a feel for which one you're facing. You can feel yourself getting somewhere. Even with slow progress, you can still feel a sense of progress. When it comes to feelings, sometimes this can be the best place to start. If our truth is 'I'm feeling so completely and utterly lost in life and so depressed', this can be a good start. It's up to them to investigate why.

[Levelup]

Thankyou therising. You are right. I can only start at the start and have faith in the process. 

I often think that this or that issue is a red herring. They could always hint at some deeper conflict I suppose. But for me they are depression dressed up in something that seems solvable. 

However it is curious that this issue rather than another as we know there is much to be sad about and about some things I am completely ok.

"The best place to start is with the truth". 

Thanks for replying I like what you say.

[therising]

Hi Levelup

I get the red herring thing, that possibly relates to a deeper issue, I really do. The amount of times I was focusing on one particular thing in life that opened up a Pandora's box of emotions and revelations, I've lost count of. If it wasn't for that one thing (that led to another then another), I would never have met with some of the greatest revelations of my life. It reminds me a bit of one of those flow charts which could begin with the topic or heading of 'LOVE'...

Beyond that heading I could decide between the questions 'Do I feel loved?' or 'Do I not feel loved'. If I answer 'I do not feel loved?', the offshoot from that could be 'Have I often felt loved, to begin with?' or 'Have I rarely felt loved?'. The offshoot from that could involve the revelation 'I have rarely felt truly loved'. And there I go all the way down the line, revelation after revelation (through dozens offshoots), until I reach the conclusion 'I have never truly loved myself because...'. So, while I believed it was all about feeling loved by others, the truth is it all came down to how I feel about myself. While I could have spent months distracted while focusing on whether people love me or not, I was not focusing on the heart of the matter. The whole thing was really about self esteem and identifying what love truly means to me. 

We can be complex creatures, that's for sure. We are a mystery to unravel. 

[randomxx]

Hi there levelup.

Going through the same, again !

For me if l was to go and see someone, talk , it'd be about why l'm feeling the way l am, depressed. l don;t need some childhood bla bla or some between the lines analysis rubbish, l know why l'm feeling the way l am and so that's what l'd need to talk about.

lt's about where l'm at in life atm , that part of it's pretty simple .

For me though and this is just for me , l probably wouldn't bother going to see someone though bc ldk what they could do about it anyway- other than it giving me an outlet to get some things of my chest. But just to stress , that is just for me personally though.

All the best

rx

[Levelup]

Hi randomxx 

Yes, I hear you, but to not speak seems scary. Keeping it real mate. Can't seem to see around it beyond it or through it or an end to it.

Part of the equation is age and fear of age. In the past I made lateral jumps (made for an interesting life) but now because of responsibilities and declining vigour and health, I can't run from the black dog.

• randomxx thankyou for your counsel I hear you, I will limit my expectations, I will go hat in hand but not expect much from the universe or from people. They will do as they like. I have been and am,  a very lucky man. That is another part of equation how can I be like this in the face of bewildering generosity and good fortune.

[Levelup]

Hi therising, thankyou for continuing the conversation.

You put it well. I want to ask you about the intersection between the profound personal responsibility you talk of and the personal responsibility  of others.

To continue the image do you give way, is it a dangerous free for all, is it only by fear of censure and punishment that there is restraint.

I am triggered by the self interest and self serving behaviours I see in us. As you say investigation leads to something almost spiritual. Ideas such as - we are all on, locked into our own, paths. Expectations are pointless.

Does any of this make sense?

Fond regards levelup

[randomxx]

Hi again levelup.

But ah man, it was hardly counsel wouldn't feel the right person for that but just personally l suppose.

Really nice to hear you see and feel your fortunes though, l could use a bit of that too nd l sure could've been more appreciative of mine when l have had, life's been a mixed bag mostly self inflicted though for me. incredible highs most will never have , even in what l'm doing now, caravaning have been 6mths, but some serious lows through life too. Lots l'd change if l could but some l wouldn't too.

lt sounds like right person seeing someone could really help you out though ha, probably would me too tbh.

What you were just saying to rising  yeah, l hear you too on all that and there damn it, are lines everywhere and all through in life aren't there and plenty of cliffs to fall of too if we put foot wrong sometimes l find.

Sometimes l've been selfish, or more along lines of l just need to do this or that, l'm sorry but l do. There's been a lot in life l've always just needed to do , but it's been expensive at times , on relationships. l was never the norm though not even as a kid.

All the best

rx

[Levelup]

Hi randomxx, ha ! you had me when you said you are caravaning around. A friend and I were going to do that, but she became very unwell. 

I always have this vision of pulling up at some beautiful spot, pulling out the chairs tea and sandwiches (which will be delicious because I made them) and just chilling. So good on you randomxx.

What I was trying to say to therising (forgive me I get so wordy even I can't understand what I'm saying) was pretty simple.

We come to self acceptance and accountability, yes, but with that we go out in the world and 'intersect' with others, because we want to because we feel so bloody isolated and alone.

What then? do we say, do what you want? do we have expectations? does everyone play by the rules ha ha?

It's a question, randomxx, the what next, that therising never got to.

The connection between this and depression, which you have been so kind to reply to, is the mean self interest I see around me and in myself, really upsets me. OR is it that old black dog ?

I can't think straight. You might be laughing now saying Jesus man that's how people are, have you learnt nothing. 

I would be grateful for your thoughts.

Levelup you 

[randomxx]

How you doin levelup.

That's ironic really well , our relationship had been an ongoing very up and down rd 5yrs but my gf ex was coming originally too but in the end her MH was not only too bad to manage the trip but also us too sooo, l wound up being and going solo 12mths after us breaking up.  l hadn;t even been sure tbh early for a long while if l was even liked doing this at this stage it kinda come and went in waves but of late l;m wondering if l even wanna stop now , really been enjoying the life. Nother story later maybe but just sayin but yep, there's been some gorgeous spots l can say that much.

And ah, don;t worry about words my friend just say whatever you wanna get into and in whatever way you need to people will follow no problemo.  None of this stuff is easy to explain and it takes whatever it takes. 

Me personally and just for my own MH and good, l do try to keep myself on as a simplistic and lighter level writing especially round here as l can but for others it seems to help them to just be going for it.

But yeah l got where you were coming form but also so related to your last post too and chuckled to myself tbh , about myself. Me and rules never have seen eye to eye ha ha, l was making my own from about 5yrold onward.

l'll have to come back finish this but it might help to know l too have been asking myself all that sort of stuff last few yrs too , l think it;s pretty common actually, but especially since even more so in doing what l'm doing atm.