"snap out of it"? Living a less depressed life

[white knight]

It's the saying most used against us without ill intent but it is also the most naïve comment. I suppose the most ideal reply to this is "can you tell me how to do that... do you have an instruction manual because I'd be most interested in your source of such valuable psychological intelligence".

Yes, a little anger there but like all topics and information that flows through my mind I wonder if there is indeed any truth to the technique of "snapping out of depression". Well, sadly, there is no such thing as snapping out of it, however you can take all precautions and steps to overcome some symptoms and that is the way forward.

Without doubt in my experience medication plays a most important role in maintaining a state of mind with far less depressive cycles that pre medication days. I was 53yo before I took medication for depression (and bipolar and dysthymia) so I had several decades enduring both clinical depression, depressive cycles from bipolar and constant low mood depression from Dysthymia. Last week I reduced my medication of anti depressants (approval from my GP) only to find myself in a poor state of mind and a big low period of a number of days until raising the medication restored my mood. So medication, if you are determined by medical staff that you need it, please remain steadfast with taking it. I look at it like democracy ... it is better than the alternative.

Lifestyle- I had a friend that had depression. He worked in the Govt sector for 20+ years in the city. His lifestyle was the same 5 days a week- walk to station, catch train, work, return home, watch TV and sleep and repeat. Us depressed people are in control of our destiny and we are more at risk than non depressed people to poor mental health. My friend lasted another 5 years before he was retrenched, then he moved to a regional area and drove a school bus. His demeanour changed for the better. Sometimes we need to look outside the square for answers and a boring lifestyle can suppress us.

Do you have ideas on how to lower your risk of depressing episodes? What works for you? A good relationship? People with empathy? Diet and exercise? Help others here consider them in their quest to live a less depressed life.

TonyWK

[Juliet_84]

Hi Tony,

An interesting topic - A good relationship? People with empathy? Diet and exercise? Yes, all of these things definitely help, but the trick is to be less reliant on external factors, for example there will be times where we are in a less than ideal relationship, and we can’t always control the people who were are surrounded by (such as at work). The trick is to not let external factors have such a huge impact on our base self as these are out of our control. For me the greatest remedy for my depression was experiencing a life-threatening medical event. In that moment I realized how badly I wanted to live. My life flashed before my eyes, which made me realise the things that were important to me and that life isn’t as long as we think it is, in a moment it will be gone. It is perhaps a nihilistic way of looking at things but I find I don’t seem to sweat stuff the same way anymore, nothing in this life is permanent, not even our troubles. I have found it a very helpful coping technique and has definitely increased my resilience. 

[white knight]

Hi Juliet

I find that interesting, a view (discovered through a medical incident) that changed your outlook for the better, so you now no longer "sweat the small stuff". 

I'm wondering if we can, as carriers of a mental health issue, embarked upon the goal of reaching that mentality, without trauma the likes of what you have endured? Not likely I suggest.

Eg As an ex prison guard 40 years ago, there was a program called "scared straight". The concept was to take say 12 16yo boys that had become serial law breakers, into a jail for a whole day where the would be lectured by hardened inmates informing them what life would be like when the judge one day sends them there. In order to create change a major shock had to take place.

In 2016 we caravanned around Oz with friends. Those friends left us in the desert when we broke down. We vowed never to travel with friends for more than 2 days. Lesson learned. 

Shock/trauma/a relationship of abuse etc... teaches us to change and avoid... by getting hurt.

Thankyou for your post. Most interesting

TonyWK 

[james1]

Hello TonyWK,

Maybe not a direct answer to your question, but more a thought on what value there is behind the "snap out of it" comment.

I definitely agree that it's a very naive comment even if it carries no ill intent. It's very unhelpful. But I also think there's truth in it, even if we can't necessarily act on that given the way it's been delivered.

My own experience with depression is one where living a less depressed life required change. I complained a lot about other people, legitimately, and complained a lot about my situation, also legitimately. If I was lucky, which I wasn't, those things could've changed without me doing anything. Instead, complaining and waiting just led to disappointment and worsening depression, landing me in hospital. It was incredibly cyclical, and while none of it was my fault, I felt incredibly disempowered to do anything and so I stopped trying.

I think the value in the comment is that we have to take on that responsibility ourselves to change something in our lives. It's incredibly unfair because we're the ones struggling, and we may not feel up to it, but ultimately only one person suffers by doing nothing: ourselves. Also, it is really disheartening when we try and something external wrecks our plans. That totally sucks. So hopefully we can find the right supports to keep us motivated, but again, that's down to us to find those supports. It might not be the same people making that exact comment, but also maybe they are trying to help but don't know how and need a bit of nudging and guidance from us.

James

[rhombusslope]

Hi TonyWK

Nice post 🙂 So many of us would love to snap out of it! Sometimes the issue/s can feel so complex and intertwined, unravelling one problem leads to another... I wonder if there is some methodical way of improving mental health. Maybe I should write a list of everything bothering me, and make a 'snap out of it pile', like for low motivation to go to the gym - I think I could definitely give myself a bit of tough love there 🙂

For me, I focus on sleeping and diet first. I also try to give myself more rest time, like watching my favourite TV shows. It sounds a bit lazy, but it can feel like a treat when life and work is busy with other tasks! I also try and get out in nature, like going to the park or on a big drive somewhere. Getting some sun makes me feel better.

Keen to read what others say - I'm definitely more of a student, than a teacher on this topic 🙂

[quirkywords]

When I learned to accept the difference between sadness, a bad day and depression, it helped me. 
I had a well meaning relative tell me that when his wife died he chose not to be depressed.

If only I had a choice not to be bipolar. 

Thanks for your post.

[white knight]

Hi James,

That's a very detailed reply and had to read it twice for it to sink in. I agree with nearly all of it. The only thing I dont agree with is that I believe the term "snap out of it" is made by people that have zero concept of the illness of depression. I have a loving cousin and all through his 67 years of life he has maintained a view that depression is a period of sadness triggered by outside influences like eg Facebook, watching the news, an argument and so on, never refers to the fact it is a chemical imbalance or clinical illness. Yes those things that make us sad are things that can trigger what is an illness in the first place, not the core cause.

Nevertheless your account of seeking motivation to get help, to actually DO something about the illness is exactly my view also. 

Well said

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi Rhrombussiope

Methodical way? trouble is we are humans and none the same, immediately places into the customised area of treatment.

One theory I've had is "switching mindsets" and that can work very effectively especially with physical fitness. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/switching-mindsets/m-p/274534/highlight/true

Visiting nature is a magical way of getting in touch with our grounding, our ancient needs of - well, not concrete and faceless people. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

I've followed him for 34 years now. Has many videos on youtube. A favourite also is "All is well". If interested type in Prem Rawat Maharaji All is well, or the perfect instrument.

Good sleep is underrated in terms of helping our mental health. Thankyou for posting

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi lovely Quirky

Yes, we dont have that choice and when and if we get to accept ourselves for who we are which includes our bipolar, we always have other people dragging us down as is our illness is some way introduced by ourselves. 

It is an attitude that I deplore and frankly, have eliminated at least 3 people from my life because of it... 2 are close relations!

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Tony

The phrase 'Snap out of it' is definitely triggering. I've found there are times where a 'flick of the switch' is probably a more accurate phrase in some cases, when someone says something that suddenly switches you on to exactly what's deeply depressing at the time. This is when one light bulb moment makes not just one thing clear but sheds light on so much. As you know, you've managed to be that person for me, when you switched me onto to the idea of not waiting and how procrastination can actually be a seriously depressing factor in life when it starts to impact just about every area. Being switched on to how much meds can help in some cases is also important. The unromantic version of who we are - we're a big bag of chemistry and chemical reactions, amongst other things. Managing that chemical energy is key.

I've found what helps with mental health management is remaining aware of which facet of myself I'm dealing with. I've come to look at myself and people in general in the following way: Let's say we're born multifaceted. So the challenge becomes about bringing each facet of our self to life while we're on this earth. If our core sense of self is like the hub of an old style wagon wheel, the spokes are all the facets that make up the whole who we are. One spoke may represent the adventurer in us, another the analyst, another is the feeler or aspect of self that has the ability to sense deeply, another is the visionary etc. All serve or support the hub/core. I've found each time I've faced a period of depression, I've come out the other side of it having met with a new spoke. One of my favourites is my intolerant sense of self. This aspect of me is upstanding and will not let people walk all over me, something I let people do most of my life. Btw, people can instantly lead me to channel it just by using the phrase 'Snap out of it'😁. I can feel this part of me come to life in a split second. Getting a feel for when a certain aspect is needed in order to serve me well and which facet that is is a whole other story. I suppose it's the story of self mastery.