Probably hitting unemployment soon... :-(

[WhoamI_]

Hi there,

I'm new here. Male mid-30s. Was made redundant last July but I managed to find another job in a more complex indstry and a step up beginning in August. 3 months in however, things aren't looking so great.

A senior of mine who has been working with the boss for a decade has been giving me one set of time expectations but later berating me for not completing or understanding the contents since it was "such a simple task". And because its simple, she sometimes keeps briefings really brief. I have from time to time asked to clarify or for further pointers and all I've been told was "It's your job to read through all the info even if it's a lot and your ability to summarize" or "didn't I tell you this before! *rollseyes*"

I do admit my attention to details has been lacking due to sleep apnea. I am currently seeking treatment for that.

That said, the boss mentioned his concerns about my work performance, and while I agreed to work on them, I have voiced my concerns about said senior's behaviour and how I was feeling rather depressed lately, but am also seeking help for depression and sleep apnea, all I got was "that person is actually nice, you'll have to take criticisms constructively and learn to work well with her and don't take things personally"

I've tried being more positive after that meeting but she continues to highlight every mistake I have made in an e-mail with the boss cc'ed in. The stress did eventually take it's toll on me work and performance wise that I took a few days off for a break.

When I got back , I was notified that I'm being performance managed and if I don't improve soon, I may be out of a job really soon.

I admit that it is partially my fault, like not being able to keep a hold of my emotions, breaking down in office sometimes and feeling too miserable to focus.

Not suicidal and I do have family support but I do try to look positive as my mom and I are very prone to depressive modes.

Mentor advised that I was a bad fit for that role for the industry I was in as I am quite non-confrontational by nature and not very resilient (to which I agreed) which does not translate well to my survival long term.

I get dreams of being a long-term unemployed and when I think about my future, I can only see a dark empty space. It's a very lonely feeling and I weep frequently at the thought of this. I tried to think positively but that dark feeling still remains. Confidence totally shattered, feeling very lost in life now.

[DurzoBlint]

Hey Whoami,

Dont stress it mate. I've had jobs before where I've been sacked because of all the reasons you've mentioned plus more - not following instructions, failing to adhere to detail, taking too long on a project, you name it (Even though I had 10 years experience in the industry). The truth is that some organisations don't have the proper processes in place and have even poorer rules for dealing with conflict management. I didn't realise this at the time and it made my OCD and anxiety spike through the roof. I became depressed and convinced I was stupid. When I got fired and spent a good couple of months moping around, I tentatively went into my new job still feeling insecure. Want to know what happened? I excelled in this new company and environment. They had an open door policy with a really positive gel of people. It turns out I wasn't stupid and my experience shone. When my confidence increased I became a gun at the company. All because I had a supportive environment where no question asked was a "silly question"

Dont feel too bad mate - if the job isn't fitting just remember it doesn't mean it's you. And you'll only get to really truly understand this when you nail that job at the company around tn corner that knows how to treat you properly

[pipsy]

Hi WhoamI. Your boss and job sounds like you were just expected to 'know' straight away what was your role. Any job takes time to 'fit in', learning the ropes etc. Did they explain exactly what your role was. Perhaps being the new kid on the block they are testing you, but what you're describing sounds like straight out bullying tactics. Is there anyone you can talk to about this, have you formed any close friends you feel you can talk to. Obviously the sleep problem has been diagnosed, if you already have the appropriate sleep aids, the apnea will ease, although you may still experience some difficulties while you adjust. One of our drivers has this and he is still adjusting. It's great your mum is being so supportive, but perhaps talking to the HR officer at your job may benefit. W/place bullying is not on, under any circumstances. Perhaps, if possible you could start taking notes of how you're being spoken to, the constant berating over not understanding instructions etc. If the instructions are not precise, you're still learning, (3 months isn't long), these things need to be brought to the attention of someone who can support your claim of harassment/bullying. Also talk to your Dr about this performance management threat. This should have been sorted before you were hired.

Lynda

[WhoamI_]

DurzoBlint,

Thanks mate for putting some perspective in. I'm just wondering, if I am fired should I put in this gig in my CV, since it has been 6 months since leaving my previous job (Is that too long a gap?) and what should I tell prospective interviewers if I do put my current job in?

Cheers,

[WhoamI_]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your message, I've moved into an investment firm and while there is a position description for the role, I've been told that our team is a little different from similar teams in the firm where it was hinted that we do way more than the other teams who have defined roles while ours are very vast and wide. My key role is to support the seniors (I have two) in whatever they pass on to me.

One does give quite a bit of detail but she's relatively new as well, but she's prone to feeling frustrated if I ask a clarifying question that she's not familiar with, when she's a bit under pressure or if I do take some time to process it and remember (this is where the sleep apnea comes into play)

The other is the bosses right hand, almost whatever she says is taken seriously by the boss, so if she's not happy with me or if there were any mistakes, she will tell him after giving me an earful. Compared to the other senior, she only spends a quarter of the time explaining things to me on average, since it's a "very simple request" and what happens is that I ask a request to our internal staff, and sometimes it doesn't sound too clear and then that gets relayed to the boss as well.

The role is new but the expectation is for me to ask if I don't know. I did try to ask and clarify because sometimes pieces of work don't go as planned or seemed odd, I either get a frustrated look from the new senior or get told "it's your job to find out!" or "I thought I told you already!". That also ends up as a complaint that I can't understand basic orders.

The sleep apnea thing was never an issue in my prior workplace, but now that it is, I did see a specialist recently and was given the diagnosis and some options to consider. I will be catching up again but not until late February to get my equipment and medication, by which I fear am too late as they'll have made up their mind on whether to fire me.

I may consider asking for an extension but am not sure if I should see my direct boss or HR on that. I am just afraid of irritating the boss resulting in a poor reference if I bypass him straight to HR. Also not sure how reliable is HR given that I've heard that HR usually acts in management interest and usually if they do agree it's mostly to ensure the bosses don't go to jail or get fined.

For now I all I could do is eat healthier and get some more quality sleep, but it is a challenge to do this in such low spirits.

[WhoamI_]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your message. There was a position description when I applied, but I was told that our team do much more than similar teams and our margin for error is much lower. All I am expected to do is support the seniors in whatever they assign to me.

It's nearing 4.5 months nowI have two seniors to support.

One's relatively new 1.5 years, who does take some time to explain things to me but she sometimes forgets things and gets frustrated if I try to clarify things or ask for advice on potential issues that I predict may come up later in a piece of work.

The other is the bosses right hand which I have described above, when I do try to clarify things and she usually spends about 1/4th of the time giving instructions compared to the other senior since "it's a very simple piece of work"

On the diagnosis of sleep apnea, I actually never had an issue in my old workplace but since I found it really affecting my attention span, memory and mood to challenge people, I had recently sought specialist assistance and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I am catching up with specialist again to arrange the equiptment and scripts for modafinil, but that will only be possible on the 21st of Feb, which is way after the deadline where they'll say if they'll keep me or not.

I could try talking to either the boss of HR to request some an extension, but I am worried if I do talk to HR, the boss might get mad and not give a good reference if it's seen that I have bypassed the chain of command. On the flip side, I'm not sure how HR will deal with this since I've been hearing that HR is there for management, and even they may agree only to save management from heavy penalties.

In the meantime, have changed my diet to a healthier meal and try to catch quality sleep every day, but it is rather hard sometimes.

I'll try to document, memory ain't very great at this stage but I can recall some key events. BUt also have been afraid of getting bad references again if I went straight to HR.

[DurzoBlint]

Hey Whoami,

I generally leave places out that have been difficult or if I've even let go in a short period. I know it'll be impossible for me to get a reference there. If asked by future employers about the gap I'll respond with "I used that time to re-energise the batteries and really think about my next job, where I want to go and what I'm really looking for." It kind of puts a positive spin on it to make it look that I really care about my career and I'm serious about my life. And hell, it's the truth too.

I have a strong feeling that once this whole thing is over for you, you won't be thinking "I'm screwed because I'm unemployed" but more like "Oh my God I feel like a boulder has just been lifted from my shoulders"

And it really is an awesome feeling

[WhoamI_]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your responses so far, just to give an update, it's now almost a certainty that my job ends on the 28th of February. I've talked to my manager and HR to extend my assessment but that has been rejected.

I've tried keeping myself positive but currently feeling really burned -out, feeling very incompetent, like a failure (I've made mistakes) and really negative about finding anything similar. My mentor/ friend has advised to take the time off to think about what I really want as she reckons I am a poor fit for roles in risk management since the nature of the job have changed so much. She reckons I can be better trying accounting or internal audit. To be honest I am confident of neither at the moment due to the skills required and it hasn't really been a passion. I'm worried I might be cut off one day if I don't pull myself up soon.

I initially thought maybe I can take up a shelf stacking job to restore my confidence bit by bit, but I realised that I'll most likely be shown the "Overqualified door".

Tried keeping positive with some positive reinforcement techniques taught by my psych but that hopeless feeling of me ending up as a long term unemployed takes over and it shows... my mom also knows and seems to be affected knowing she can't do much... that somewhat adds to my guilt as well.

I'm just lacking sleep and crying a lot a lone lately. There doesn't seem to be much in life for me to look forward to.

[Grace888]

Hello WhoamI?

I am sorry to hear about your recent experiences which have made you so unhappy.

At the moment this may seem like an insurmountable problem and all-consuming. And that is understandable - it is difficult for anyone to think clearly when they are in a stressful situation relating to employment, no matter what their health status may be.

I feel your friend/mentor has good advice for you and is looking after your best interest. There is something to be said for taking some time to consider your next step and to recharge.

Gaps in employment can always be explained as periods of time spent traveling, reassessing direction, or even as retraining - finding yourself a short course (even online) in something that interests you may give you something positive to focus on while you look for work and open your eyes to other career paths. But by no means study if you don't wish it.

This has been a painful, but learning experience for you, but I want you to know that in my experience it will get better and that this is an opportunity to find an outcome that works for you.

I spent many very many years working in a profession that was completely ill-suited to my personality and in some ways also to my values. This at times seriously affected my sleep, eating and ability to enjoy my life, and my family and friends. My confidence got battered because I knew at times that I wasn't really performing, and the more anxious and sleep deprived and stressed I got about work the worse it would get.

Seems like a lot to sacrifice for the sake of a job, doesn't it?

It took me a long time to learn that I was 'allergic' to competitive, corporate environments, and to gain the courage to accept that it was ok to walk away and do something that worked better for me and seemed a lot more worthwhile. Salary is much less, but in all other respects I know I will be richer.

That's just a little story about my journey for illustrative purposes. You now have the chance to write your own. That's a great freedom to have.

Let us know how you go, and good luck!

Grace

[pawsy]

WhoamI, i just want to say that i appreciate reading your post. I was retrenched a couple of years ago and now find myself now in an unsupportive work environment. It's very hard. I've lost a lot of confidence as well, and am scared of unemployment and not being able to find my way back into meaningful work ever again. When I read your post I think you sound hard working, sensitive and thoughtful and think that surely such a person will survive and thrive over time. This comforts me with respect to my own situation. It is so hard when we are caught in the stress of being criticised and fear of the unknown. I draw comfort also from Grace888 and DurzoBlint's stories of things turning around. Gotta believe it can happen. I hope you keep posting. It'd be great to hear how it goes for you. Best of luck and thanks, pawsy