Post partum depression
I am really struggling.
I feel like I'm not enjoying being a mum. I love my daughter but I really strugle with the stress of it all.
I see a psychologist and I'm definitely doing better than I was but I am just wondering if I will ever be "better" or "normal" or "me" again.
I get so anxious in public situations especially if she is cranky or tired so I just avoid going out completely.
I keep wondering how the psychologist is going to fix me. I'm just a bit lost.
Hi Melissa, welcome
Bringing up kids is darn hard work consistently. The endurance required is not in many of us mainly due to other pressures in life...not because of us as parents.
To answer your question most of us wont be cured. The road to acceptance is an easier journey. Then getting the maximum out of our coping abilities is the aim.
I've listed a few threads below for reading. Use google. Cheers.
Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue
Topic: the timing of motivation- beyondblue
Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue
Youtube maharaji the perfect instrument
Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on your daughter.
I think being a bit lost is very normal after becoming a parent. As is finding it stressful. My friends who have had kids have all said that the period of time after having your first is really scary. But then you get more comfortable and can start to enjoy being a mum.
One of my friends said that her daughter only knows her as a mum. I quite like that - your daughter has no one to compare you to.
Maybe focus on the small wins each day and record them? The sense of achievement might help you?
How long have you been seeing a psychologist for?
Welcome to the forums 😊. I really hope you keep posting because this is the forum that has a lot to offer a struggling Mum (I'm one too).
I'm glad you're seeing a psychologist. Are you putting into place the self help techniques suggested?
Like managing your sleep, getting time to yourself, spending time with friends who have kids, asking for help, exercising... I ask this because I can honestly say I did every single thing suggested by my psychologist and didn't feel any better. I finally told her the truth that I felt suicidal and she and my GP got me to see a Psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis and the medication I needed.
Just a viewpoint to consider (I hope this doesn't worry you). Being a Mum is hard. Some days it just plain sucks. And noone seems to talk about the crap stuff.
But you know your own mind. If you are doing everything you can to help yourself and having therapy and you still feel horrible ask for help. If they don't pay attention get a second opinion.
That said... You've also got to be honest with yourself. Are you making the changes to help yourself? Or are you sabotaging your wellbeing by putting your needs last?
You can't be Supermum all the time. Noone can. Yes there are sucky jobs that we just have to do but you also have basic needs. Sleep. Good food. Time out to recharge. Adult conversation. First step for me would be review whether your needs are being met. If not make changes. Then if you feel no change in how you feel or if you feel worse time it's to speak up and ask for more help from a medical professional.
Take care of yourself Melissa and I hope you come back and talk more.
Thank you for your reply.
Ive been doing the exercise, I already ate pretty well and I'm taking my vitamins (mood supplements and iron) but relinquishing care of my daughter to anyone is extremely difficult so I don't really get much down time until she's asleep then I just want to sleep.
I know I need to let someone have her for a day or even an afternoon but every time I think about it I just feel panicky.
I really just want to be me again. I was confident, happy, loud and driven. Now I'm just a mess.
Thanks for writing back. I think a lot of new mums feel like you do. Do you have a partner who can help? Sometimes it is a matter of letting them help. I know for a while I just took over with my son and didn't realise I wasn't even letting my husband have a go. We end up making things harder for ourselves because it is so much easier long term if bub feels comfortable with both parents.
What about starting small? Hand bub over to your partner or a trusted family member while you are present. Start with having a hot shower. Then working towards taking a walk without bub.
You do actually need this time to yourself. As much as we love our kids you are still a person in your own right. You need more in your life than just sleeping and caring for bub. That a recipe for destroying your self esteem (yeah been there done that).
Do you think that could be something you could try?
Also... Feel free to just ignore my advice completely 😄. One thing about being a new mum is having everyone give you advice. I found I just couldn't do anything right. So feel free to ignore me and do whatever feels right for you ok!