Hi all,
I'm not really sure where to begin with this, I'll try to be brief. Mid twenties caucasian male. In the past 2 years I've dealt with: an abusive relationship, half of my closest friends walking out on me (I was a variable, not a cause), quitting work, failed musical projects, car accident, sleeping in a kitchen, being poor & doing odd jobs for $$, best friend (my cat) being killed.
I've fought my way through all that rubbish, set up a business, got really fit, started doing yoga, tried new music projects and moved away.
Now I'm sitting at my new house, hating everything. I moved into this lonely, forsaken place and it just hit me all of a sudden how pointless my struggle was and made me question the validity of my goals. My reality has distorted to the point where I have no aspirations anymore, the idea of interacting with others is contemptuous, and all music sounds cacophonous and mocking to my ears.
Every time I try to motivate myself a part of me pushes forward and systematically attacks my intentions and goals.
I have had depression and anxiety since I was about 7-8 years old, seen psychologists before, I'm not on meds and I don't want to be. I have enough self destructive tendencies without furthering my drug dependance. My general distrust of others inhibits me from seeing a GP, so I thought I'd vent here and see if anyone can relate.
Thank you for your time.
