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Dear Elle_D~
You sound a lot like I have done when I've been in
a bad bout of depression, a thoroughly confusing and most unhappy
place. I'm very sorry it is happening to you.
Long term illness is wearing on everyone, friends, family and exhausting for oneself. They don't know how to respond because everything they've said in the past has been ineffective, and you are not getting help and just struggling. It makes one feel very alone.
As time
goes on and you get more and more isolated inside yourself self you can tend to speak less
and less, and people come to expect that, not really understanding what's inside. The distance you feel between yourself and everything else grows greater.
Ten years is a very long time, do you mind if I ask if you
have had treatment all that time of if going to a psychologist is a new
thing? I have found there is no way I could have improved to the level I'm at now without proper ongoing medical support. If you are in regular contact with your doctors and under treatment I'd strongly suggest you talk though how you are feeling now and ask to have your regime reviewed - it's not working properly.
If this is the first time visiting a psychologist, or close to it then it is important that both the psychologist and the referring GP completely understand what they are trying to deal with. If in doubt write everything down first and share the paper in a long consultation. I had to do this to explain properly so others could understand.
Have you had a look at The Facts menu above that has a fair amount of background information on depression and anxiety? It deals with symptoms and also treatments. Browsing around this Forum, probably in the depression area, can help too, seeing how others have coped.
At the top of every page here is the 24/7 Help Line details. They are professional, knowledgeable and friendly. If you need a voice to talk to give them a ring. It's expected, no big deal.
Going to the psychologist, like any treatment, is important. Do you have anyone to help you get there and maybe wait for you?
With the right support I would think things would start to improve, they did for me. Please post again to say how you are feeling
Croix