Numbness

[elle_d]

I don't really know how to explain anything. I'm lost and confused and a million different things but i just feel so lost. I am becoming disassociated with things and people. I've had a falling out with one of my close friends and another one has no interest in me anymore. I've spent weeks crying and being an emotional wreck however this past week i just feel nothing. I feel nothing when i do daily things or am with family or friends. I've been struggling for close to ten years now and i don't know why. I don't know what to do. I have to see a psychologist but at the present time i can barely get out of bed. My friend used to blame themselves but now when they say anything they say things similar to "oh but it shouldn't matter because you don't feel anything" which is true. Statements like that previously would've hurt me but i have nothing. I feel like everything's irrelevant and i'm falling back into old habits. I just don't know how to go about feeling anything. I can barely speak, i go nights and days without physically saying anything and no one notices. I can't cry. I can't taste anything when i do eat which is rarely at the moment. I'm just lost and i don't know what to do.

[Croix]

Dear Elle_D~
You sound a lot like I have done when I've been in a bad bout of depression, a thoroughly confusing and most unhappy place. I'm very sorry it is happening to you.

Long term illness is wearing on everyone, friends, family and exhausting for oneself. They don't know how to respond because everything they've said in the past has been ineffective, and you are not getting help and just struggling. It makes one feel very alone.

As time goes on and you get more and more isolated inside yourself self you can tend to speak less and less, and people come to expect that, not really understanding what's inside. The distance you feel between yourself and everything else grows greater.

Ten years is a very long time, do you mind if I ask if you have had treatment all that time of if going to a psychologist is a new thing? I have found there is no way I could have improved to the level I'm at now without proper ongoing medical support. If you are in regular contact with your doctors and under treatment I'd strongly suggest you talk though how you are feeling now and ask to have your regime reviewed - it's not working properly.

If this is the first time visiting a psychologist, or close to it then it is important that both the psychologist and the referring GP completely understand what they are trying to deal with. If in doubt write everything down first and share the paper in a long consultation. I had to do this to explain properly so others could understand.

Have you had a look at The Facts menu above that has a fair amount of background information on depression and anxiety? It deals with symptoms and also treatments. Browsing around this Forum, probably in the depression area, can help too, seeing how others have coped.

At the top of every page here is the 24/7 Help Line details. They are professional, knowledgeable and friendly. If you need a voice to talk to give them a ring. It's expected, no big deal.

Going to the psychologist, like any treatment, is important. Do you have anyone to help you get there and maybe wait for you?

With the right support I would think things would start to improve, they did for me. Please post again to say how you are feeling

Croix