Not sure what I'm feeling :(

[tamray]

Hi all,

I an new to the forums and am looking for advice. My wife has pointed me to the website and would like to share how I am feeling. I am not sure if I am depressed or not.

I am married with 3 kids, a decent job which doesn't cause me any stress and am financially stable. However, I do not care about anything at the moment. Family, friends and my job. Nothing in my life excites me or makes me happy. i am angry all the time and yell at my wife and kids whenever I talk to them. The smallest thing will set me off. I'm drinking more than I should to probably numb my existence and this in turn causes massive issues in all my relationships. I have no close friends due to being grumpy and this in turn makes me sadder than ever. I have been to the doctors and been prescribed pills but they made me feel more distant so I don't want to do that again. I feel guilty over the things I've done in my life that has hurt others. This guilt is tearing me apart. There is more but that's all I want to get off my chest for now.

any advice or pointers would be great.

[purpleenvelope]

Hi Tamray

 You sound so sad :(. Well done for reaching out, you have taken a brave step and the first step to wellness. 

My first port of call if I were you would be a referral for a psychiatrist to help with medication and therapy. I feel like maybe you were prescribed medication that didn't gel with you which is why a psychiatrist can help much more than a GP. Not all medications make you feel disconnected and dopey, i have found it to be very very helpful but I had to try a few before I found the right combination. Therapy with a psychologist could be really helpful for you too, just to get things off your chest and get some support.

Wishing you all the best. It is a hard road which many of us here struggle with every day but things can always get better right? I hope you feel better soon.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Tamray

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Might I say that what you’ve written is a very common issue for so many of us, so I just wanted to start out by saying that you’re not on your own with this and yes it is bloody awful.

PurpleEnvelope has provided you with a really excellent response and some good suggestions as well.

The other thing I was thinking was to possibly see a different dr – one who is experienced in dealing with mental health issues and from seeing them, they have a list of appropriate psychologists or psychiatrists that can be referred too and they could even be well and truly trusted with the issuing of any kinds of medication(s) if they deem them necessary.  On this site, Beyond Blue have a list of such gps’ who are available. Just search for them and hopefully you could find one or more in your local area.

I hope that you can also get back to us.

Kind regards

Neil

[tamray]

thanks purpleenvelope and neil1.

 I have made an appointment with my GP and intend to talk about seeing a psychiatrist and talking about a different medication. I still feel so lost and disconnected but reading similar stories has given me some kind of hope.

 I'm hurting the ones i hold so dear to me. I have no close friends or family (my immediate family is in England and i live in Australia). I dont know where to go from here. I understand (kind of) that what i'm feeling is part of depression (maybe) but its not really helping me. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Tamray

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Whenever I write that I have an urge to say, "Where all troubles will cured and you will get a set of steak knives as well."  Ah, wishful thinking.

Great news that you are going to have a chat with your GP and discuss seeing a psychiatrist. It really is an important first step. Congratulations.

Do you mean your wife and children are in England or your parents and siblings? Not certain which you meant.

In many ways a diagnosis of any illness can be relief. Not that it cures you, just that you know what you are up against. This can be useful because of all the other things which are then ruled out, and which could be worse.

Beyond Blue has a whole heap of information available on the site. Explore the tabs at the top of the page. Either download the information or ask BB to send copies. Personally I prefer the hard copies as I can read them anywhere, not just at the computer. There is also information for family and friends which your wife may find helpful.

We all know that unless you have experienced depression it is difficult to explain to another person. And it is often difficult to explain to someone with depression to start with. So get all the information you can. The information on BB is accurate so you will not get sensational exaggerations.

Pushing people away is also a common part of depression. Some folk will tell their partners to go away because the depressed person is not good enough for them. Alternatively, you can be, as you say, grumpy and upset everyone. Hopefully your family will recognise this is not your usual manner and that you will return to the pleasant person you have always been.

I make these comments so that you will not feel you are the only one who is in this position. Take heart that it will pass. Give yourself space and accept that it is the Black Dog talking, not you. Once you have brought him to heel you will feel better. It will be hard work, I don't want to give you the wrong idea, but you will get there. Remember the ad, "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen". Pity it isn't as easy as that.

Regards

Mary